Little Rant-

[OvertheRainbeaux]

I'm just so tired with life already, currently I have no friends, no family which partially may be my fault because I cut people off but I do feel I have reason. I lost my job, I'm on the verge of being homeless. I'm scared.

My own mother who is mentally ill has placed me in a terrible position in the court system TWICE with her lies that now it's real difficult to get a job until it's possible for me to get this cleared up and I had a good on lined up...
She's just been terrible to me in my life & expects me to get over it because "she's my mother" & I just can't I resent her.

Allowed toxic men to come in & out of our lives, allowed me to be mentally, emotionally, & physically abused. Put me & my sister in foster care at one point

Dropped out of HS, because the need for money was greater.

Now I'm 23 stuck in a rut & all alone pretty much left to pick up the pieces.

Not to mention that in between all of this while growing up I have had done many necessary things too help myself: therapy, affirmations, medications, etc...
I just think the only peace I will have is in death.

I just need help getting over the fear of killing my self.

 

[mediocre]

I know how you feel I've felt this way for 15+ years. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through

 

[OvertheRainbeaux]

I know how you feel I've felt this way for 15+ years. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through

Thank you for understanding I'm so sorry you have to feel this way as well. :hugs:

 

[Despondent]

I'm sorry to hear this.. and I'm not by any way encouraging this. I don't know if you would want to do this and if it's possible in your country. Isn't it possible to "divorce" parents?

 

[memataporfavor]

I'm just so tired with life already, currently I have no friends, no family which partially may be my fault because I cut people off but I do feel I have reason. I lost my job, I'm on the verge of being homeless. I'm scared.

My own mother who is mentally ill has placed me in a terrible position in the court system TWICE with her lies that now it's real difficult to get a job until it's possible for me to get this cleared up and I had a good on lined up...
She's just been terrible to me in my life & expects me to get over it because "she's my mother" & I just can't I resent her.

Allowed toxic men to come in & out of our lives, allowed me to be mentally, emotionally, & physically abused. Put me & my sister in foster care at one point

Dropped out of HS, because the need for money was greater.

Now I'm 23 stuck in a rut & all alone pretty much left to pick up the pieces.

Not to mention that in between all of this while growing up I have had done many necessary things too help myself: therapy, affirmations, medications, etc...
I just think the only peace I will have is in death.

I just need help getting over the fear of killing my self.

your story reminds me a lot of my mother's... her mother is also manipulative and has damaged her mental health and put her through some tough shit. she has all this guilt inside herself and bc of it, she's stuck with her abusive mother until these days (now my mom is 64 and my grandmother 86). You've probably done this and so did your sister, but cut your mom out of your life with no guilt. You gotta think of your own well being. Someone that is capable of doing those things to you does not deserve your time/attention/suffering. Unfortunately sometimes we gotta shut some people completely out in order to protect ourselves. I don't know if I'm being helpful or obnoxious, but I'm just telling you the things I wish I could have told my mom if I had met her when she was your age.

 

[OvertheRainbeaux]

your story reminds me a lot of my mother's... her mother is also manipulative and has damaged her mental health and put her through some tough shit. she has all this guilt inside herself and bc of it, she's stuck with her abusive mother until these days (now my mom is 64 and my grandmother 86). You've probably done this and so did your sister, but cut your mom out of your life with no guilt. You gotta think of your own well being. Someone that is capable of doing those things to you does not deserve your time/attention/suffering. Unfortunately sometimes we gotta shut some people completely out in order to protect ourselves. I don't know if I'm being helpful or obnoxious, but I'm just telling you the things I wish I could have told my mom if I had met her when she was your age.

Thank you it means a lot, I have cut my mom out of my life thing is she tries coming back in and makes me feel bad and I do, but I'm being strong and firm in just keeping her out of my life. Thing is though it doesn't feel any better, or worse. Just feels the same.

I'm sorry to hear this.. and I'm not by any way encouraging this. I don't know if you would want to do this and if it's possible in your country. Isn't it possible to "divorce" parents?

Thank you, and I'm not sure what you mean by divorce a parent but I have cut her out of my life.

 

[Moonicide]

I am so sorry, love. You do not deserve this one bit... I know what it's like to have a parent that has neglected and failed you in so many ways. I know you're struggling and in so much pain right now. Do you have any other options you can see through before ctbing? If there are other opportunities or resources I'd definitely recommend giving it a shot as ctb will always be there for you if all else fails. We're here for you and will support you in whatever decide to do in the end.

Sending you lots of love and support.

 

[OvertheRainbeaux]

I am so sorry, love. You do not deserve this one bit... I know what it's like to have a parent that has neglected and failed you in so many ways. I know you're struggling and in so much pain right now. Do you have any other options you can see through before ctbing? If there are other opportunities or resources I'd definitely recommend giving it a shot as ctb will always be there for you if all else fails. We're here for you and will support you in whatever decide to do in the end.

Sending you lots of love and support.

Thank you so much for your kind words they mean a lot.

 

[Flume]

I'm just so tired with life already, currently I have no friends, no family which partially may be my fault because I cut people off but I do feel I have reason. I lost my job, I'm on the verge of being homeless. I'm scared.

My own mother who is mentally ill has placed me in a terrible position in the court system TWICE with her lies that now it's real difficult to get a job until it's possible for me to get this cleared up and I had a good on lined up...
She's just been terrible to me in my life & expects me to get over it because "she's my mother" & I just can't I resent her.

Allowed toxic men to come in & out of our lives, allowed me to be mentally, emotionally, & physically abused. Put me & my sister in foster care at one point

Dropped out of HS, because the need for money was greater.

Now I'm 23 stuck in a rut & all alone pretty much left to pick up the pieces.

Not to mention that in between all of this while growing up I have had done many necessary things too help myself: therapy, affirmations, medications, etc...
I just think the only peace I will have is in death.

I just need help getting over the fear of killing my self.

Might as well be me that wrote that. If you see me around you can always PM.

 

[cosmicpixiedust]

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. You do not deserve any of it, always remember that. I grew up with a manipulative mother, so I can definitely relate. Are there any other options you could explore before ctb? Therapy helped me a lot, even if some days you're just venting to your therapist about the crap she's pulled. Sending you lots of love and hugs.