I've been wanting to die since I was young (around 8 years old). I attempted at 15 but sadly lived. I've had some good times but the majority of my life has been a shit show. I've told so many people I was going to ctb but no one believed me. I cried wolf so many times. Maybe they didn't believe me - more likely they didn't care. Now that I'm older I can honestly face my reality. All my hope has gone. My reality is I'm so unhappy in life - what I want more than anything else I will never have. I can't continue living hell it's not even living. I live where there are no doctors or therapists (in the US). I've made up my mind to not say anything to anyone (with the exception of SS). I finally have peace knowing that I will be with my little girl soon. That all the pain I've endured, all the people who have hurt me can no longer affect me. I've lived too long.
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