List your reasons to CTB

[blueclover_.]

My reasons to not live:
1. College is stressful.
2. Work is stressful.
3. I will never be happy living in this city.
4. Moving out requires lots of money and mental preparations.
5. Even if i do move out, there's no guarantee i'll be happier.
6. Earning money is hard.
7. My family expects money from me.
8. Dad beats me sometimes.
9. Aunts and uncles are evil.
10. Mom is sometimes annoying and will never accept me for who i truly am.
11. Making and mantaining friends are hard.
12. Gastroparesis.
13. Etc.

It's midnight now and i'm in so much pain. My parents practically force-feed me and they don't believe that i have gastroparesis. Even eating the smallest portion of food makes me want to vomit, but i hate causing a scene and being blamed for it so i try to keep it down. I just hate my life and i hope i'll carry out this plan.

What are your reasons to CTB?

 

[Death is beautiful]

I just want to die

 

[FuneralCry]

My reason to ctb is that I hate existence. Life is the problem itself. Existence is suffering. I did not ask to be here and I do not want to participate in life. I was perfectly fine not existing until I was forced to live. Life bothers me to a great extent and just simply being alive hurts me. Life is tedious and it does not interest me at all.

Consciousness is a prison as there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts. Nothing will ever make me want to live. Wanting to die is perfectly rational in a world as horrible as this, for somebody to want to live they must be deeply delusional. I need to ctb to prevent decades of suffering. When I die, I will be at peace and I will never have to experience anything again. I am not meant for this world at all....

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

My future involves a steep decline in standard of living - Nothing positive to look forward to… Except mere survival… I've been avoiding reality for a long time and now it's finally caught up with me…

 

[ddd1234]

In my situation, I made a mistake that lead to a very weird state of my mind. It's like the combination of depression, anxiety, derealization, rumination, insomnia, and mania. Cannot relax even for a moment. Drugs don't help, therapy doesn't help. All the time I think about the stupid mistake I made. I am the stupidest person on the planet! I had everything, a great job, hobbies, a beautiful girlfriend and extraordinary health, peace of mind. Now I have nothing. I need CTB fast or I will go totally crazy ( to be honest, deterioration of my mind causes me to talk to myself even outside. I don't care, I am walking through the streets and repeating: "I wanna kill myself!" !

 

[healthrecovery]

Losing my heart chakra permanently and my soul getting demolished

Other than that same wat dmoon says

I went into a delusional state where i believed a newspaper told me to go into a psysch ward

No joke

 

[ddd1234]

I would be happy if I were like other depressed people who sleep all day and watch TV. I would give all my money to a state like this. Instead, I am experiencing constant mania and anxiety. A couple of months ago I was the most stable person you can imagine. I read stoicism books, practised meditation and so on. One day I made a stupid mistake and my life since then is ruined. I know that I wrote about it previously, but guys, I need to vent. I need to vent badly, I ask my family members to stab me in the chest, I am so low.

Cannot stand it, I could have a wonderful life. Instead, I am in deep shit. I cannot even focus to buy BTC and ordering N.... perhaps I will take a knife and stab myself, lets hope I will succeed.

 

[healthrecovery]

Goddamnit dmoon i wish we could meet up and ctb together

 

[HeckingHecked]

1) Hatred for the world
2) Autism
3) being bullied
4) being repeatedly disappointed by everyone around me
5) fake people. Everywhere.
6) I'm drifting away from my morals. I don't think I can maintain them for much longer.
7) being treated as a backup/expendable
8) social circle jerks
9) shitty therapists
10) severe anger
11) being ugly

 

[stellabelle]

Done being ignored
Done being fucked with
Done being lied to
Done being lied about
Done with evil relatives
Done with bad roommates
Done with bad jobs
Done with bad things in life that never improve
Done being invaded on
Done with peoples attention competitions
Done with being tromped on
Done with pretend emergencies
Done with being nagged
Done with being disrespected
Done with life in general

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

1. Extreme level narcissistic parents who don't want me to go out of their evil grip. Lucky to have both of them as narcissist. Most have only one lol!
2. Severe tinnitus with no help.
3. Left leg numb after multiple mini brain strokes last year and with no help from parents as they declared me crazy in front of hospital authorities for stating my problem. So not only I have to live with this but also have to hide it while walking otherwise I would be called attention seeker. Crazy right!
4. Almost 7 years of extreme isolation with my abusers.
Never even seen the outside world on my own during this period.
5. Complex ptsd with severe dissociation and memory loss problems happening since last year or so.
6. 28 with no job experience as they jeopardize all my attempts to get one earlier even when I got one!
7. Cannot drive
8. Extreme social anxiety
with no social skills
9. Eating disorder
10. Never had been in a relationship and cannot talk to opposite sex without some serious anxiety levels.
11. OCD
12. Forcefully admitted to psych ward 4 times just for exposing their abuses and telling my truths since last year and being labelled as delusional and schizophrenic.
13..No family,friend or anyone who would support me if somehow I can get out of here. So essentially I would be homeless If I decide to do so and then maybe I would not be able to successfully attempt it.
14. Severe Insomnia for years due to flashbacks of abuse by family members.
15. Being shit scared of people bullying me,mocking me as I am introvert and too sensitive. Happened a lot of time.
16. Absolutely no will to live and romanticising about death every single day for past many months.

 

[Bxbrowler]

i dont want to live because

I hate but love my meth addiction (great sex though)
family always disapoints
i cant keep a stable job
im not a bad person (but i dont have any friends)
im always broke)
every one tends to move on but im just stagnet

 

[rationaltake]

I will never accept this flesh I inhabit. The sight of it sends me into freefall.

My memories will always torture me.

And lots of other things.

I'm old and can't believe I'm still finding it hard to ctb.

 

[milly]

i'm demon- possessed; my mind plays ping-pong

 

[apathetic.]

abusive parents( toxic household, bleak future, missed opportunities, abuse, manipulation, constant bullying and putting down, feeling of worthlessness) migraines, weak immune system, asthma, bronchitis, sinus issues, allergies, suicidal ocd, stress and depression on top as a result of all of this. Not one reason to live.

I will never accept this flesh I inhabit. The sight of it sends me into freefall.

My memories will always torture me.

And lots of other things.

I'm old and can't believe I'm still finding it hard to ctb.

How old?

 

[Belljar]

Having ruined my life because of self destructive tendencies from abuse. Now I'm facing being an actual criminal and having to struggle in an already bleak life. I simply don't have the energy.

 

[Aeathelina]

1) Poverty
2) Dysfunctional family
3)Crippling mental health issues
4) Genuine lack of live to thrive and be someone important to the world

 

[Dreamlike Reality]

I am trapped inside of the body of a person who I am not . . .
Still suffering from the abuse of a narcissistic father who beat me and a manipulative mother who couldn't stand that I was born . . .
No one will ever believe me because they think I'm crazy . . .
Struggling with an eating disorder . . .
Vivid auditory and tactile hallucinations . . . I can't take it anymore . . .
My actual vision and hearing are declining, both mostly on the right side. I don't want to live half blind and deaf . . .
Tired of living in fear of being stalked again . . .
Tired of being sexually harassed in public . . .
Losing all of my close friends because of my declining mental health . . .
I will eventually die because of the rotting organ inside of me anyways . . .
I don't think anything can get any better. I have tried so hard . . . Everyone has told me I'm too young to be like this, but that doesn't change a thing . . . I can't wait to finally CTB . . .

 

[Starryeyes]

1. Mental health. Depression, anxiety & BPD
2. Physical pains at unbearable levels
3. Money
4. Loneliness
5. Feeling like a failure
6. Feeling like how damaged I am emotionally that ill never function properly in society

 

[Grumpy Bear]

1. Broken body
2. Shit society
3. Shit world
4. Lonely
5. Fulfilled my life

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

-chronic tinnitus, never can find silence ever, it's like 24/7 torture, hell in both ears driving me mad. I can't even enjoy the things that used to make me happy and relaxed because of this horrendous screaming and ringing.
-no spouse, lover, children, or intimate emotional connections for support
-family who raised me isn't emotionally there or understanding and never has been
- I'm a young "young adult" who hasn't even finished college yet with a whole life of "work" and "bills" left ahead of me. What's even the point if I get nothing out of it -no happiness, just money and savings that will never love me back and can't take away this screeching...
-life's been hard but I've never given up all hope until now. I used to be able to rely on myself when the world wouldn't take care of me. I could be happy because I could find and make my own happiness. Now, I can't do that anymore with my failing physical health and chronic tinnitus as much as I want to live a happy life in spite of others. COVID spread around and permanently physically damaged me after I got infected. It's unfair but life isn't fair. Why live if I have to live to suffer. I don't owe anyone my suffering just to exist and serve. They can't understand the misery of my every waking moment. I don't want to CTB, I have to CTB because it's cruel to force myself to live my life like this. I want to do the kind thing. A final true act of self love when no one else, not the world, not anyone could love me the way I always wanted, the way I always needed.

1. Extreme level narcissistic parents who don't want me to go out of their evil grip. Lucky to have both of them as narcissist. Most have only one lol!
2. Severe tinnitus with no help.
3. Left leg numb after multiple mini brain strokes last year and with no help from parents as they declared me crazy in front of hospital authorities for stating my problem. So not only I have to live with this but also have to hide it while walking otherwise I would be called attention seeker. Crazy right!
4. Almost 7 years of extreme isolation with my abusers.
Never even seen the outside world on my own during this period.
5. Complex ptsd with severe dissociation and memory loss problems happening since last year or so.
6. 28 with no job experience as they jeopardize all my attempts to get one earlier even when I got one!
7. Cannot drive
8. Extreme social anxiety
with no social skills
9. Eating disorder
10. Never had been in a relationship and cannot talk to opposite sex without some serious anxiety levels.
11. OCD
12. Forcefully admitted to psych ward 4 times just for exposing their abuses and telling my truths since last year and being labelled as delusional and schizophrenic.
13..No family,friend or anyone who would support me if somehow I can get out of here. So essentially I would be homeless If I decide to do so and then maybe I would not be able to successfully attempt it.
14. Severe Insomnia for years due to flashbacks of abuse by family members.
15. Being shit scared of people bullying me,mocking me as I am introvert and too sensitive. Happened a lot of time.
16. Absolutely no will to live and romanticising about death every single day for past many months.

Hey there. I also suffer with severe tinnitus It's torture. I'm so sorry... Is yours a 24/7 constant sound(s) that never lets up like mine?

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

-chronic tinnitus, never can find silence ever, it's like 24/7 torture, hell in both ears driving me mad. I can't even enjoy the things that used to make me happy and relaxed because of this horrendous screaming and ringing.
-no spouse, lover, children, or intimate emotional connections for support
-family who raised me isn't emotionally there or understanding and never has been
- I'm a young "young adult" who hasn't even finished college yet with a whole life of "work" and "bills" left ahead of me. What's even the point if I get nothing out of it -no happiness, just money and savings that will never love me back and can't take away this screeching...
-life's been hard but I've never given up all hope until now. I used to be able to rely on myself when the world wouldn't take care of me. I could be happy because I could find and make my own happiness. Now, I can't do that anymore with my failing physical health and chronic tinnitus as much as I want to live a happy life in spite of others. COVID spread around and permanently physically damaged me after I got infected. It's unfair but life isn't fair. Why live if I have to live to suffer. I don't owe anyone my suffering just to exist and serve. They can't understand the misery of my every waking moment. I don't want to CTB, I have to CTB because it's cruel to force myself to live my life like this. I want to do the kind thing. A final true act of self love when no one else, not the world, not anyone could love me the way I always wanted, the way I always needed.

Hey there. I also suffer with severe tinnitus It's torture. I'm so sorry... Is yours a 24/7 constant sound(s) that never lets up like mine?

You have my sympathies. You deserve the peace that you are looking for.

 

[Chronicillness]

Every reason I had thought would make the entire world understand my justifications for killing myself, got completely overshadowed by physical illness. Physical illness has put every reason I had for suiciding into a personal category reserved for trivial and superficial non-issues.

Only one reason now: Extremely torturous physical illness.

 

[wanttodie]

sick of living just want to die

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

You have my sympathies. You deserve the peace that you are looking for.

Thank you so much My whole life, I've never believed in human suffering for anyone. I've always felt that as a basic and essential right, we all deserve the ability to have peace, happiness, and the freedom to decide what's best for us. I appreciate your understanding, and I'm also wishing you the best. May you find happiness and peace however that may be, and find what you're looking for.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Thank you so much My whole life, I've never believed in human suffering for anyone. I've always felt that as a basic and essential right, we all deserve the ability to have peace, happiness, and the freedom to decide what's best for us. I appreciate your understanding, and I'm also wishing you the best. May you find happiness and peace however that may be, and find what you're looking for.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Every reason I had once before got completely overshadowed by physical illness. Physical illness has put every reason I had for suiciding into a personal category reserved for trivial and superficial non-issues.

I completely understand! The same thing happened to me. Emotional wounds have always healed no matter how difficult or painful, but experiencing chronic physical illness for the first time is a whole new "permanent" inescapable form of suffering that can't even hold a candle to my many emotional struggles I've had throughout my life. People have failed me. The world has failed me. So be it. But my body is failing me? There's no way I can go on living like this. The one thing absolutely necessary to sustain life is "me". But if I'm seriously physically damaged, there will be nothing left to support "me" and I'll have to watch myself fade away slowly and painfully losing all I ever loved and worked for. No thank you.

 

[Starryeyes]

-chronic tinnitus, never can find silence ever, it's like 24/7 torture, hell in both ears driving me mad. I can't even enjoy the things that used to make me happy and relaxed because of this horrendous screaming and ringing.
-no spouse, lover, children, or intimate emotional connections for support
-family who raised me isn't emotionally there or understanding and never has been
- I'm a young "young adult" who hasn't even finished college yet with a whole life of "work" and "bills" left ahead of me. What's even the point if I get nothing out of it -no happiness, just money and savings that will never love me back and can't take away this screeching...
-life's been hard but I've never given up all hope until now. I used to be able to rely on myself when the world wouldn't take care of me. I could be happy because I could find and make my own happiness. Now, I can't do that anymore with my failing physical health and chronic tinnitus as much as I want to live a happy life in spite of others. COVID spread around and permanently physically damaged me after I got infected. It's unfair but life isn't fair. Why live if I have to live to suffer. I don't owe anyone my suffering just to exist and serve. They can't understand the misery of my every waking moment. I don't want to CTB, I have to CTB because it's cruel to force myself to live my life like this. I want to do the kind thing. A final true act of self love when no one else, not the world, not anyone could love me the way I always wanted, the way I always needed.

Hey there. I also suffer with severe tinnitus It's torture. I'm so sorry... Is yours a 24/7 constant sound(s) that never lets up like mine?

Have you tried amitriptyline?

 

[layne2001]

I'm tired of this plane of existence, don't want friends, don't want girlfriends or money or anything else. Just want to rest cause I've been ready to go for just so long

 

[canna2]

1. Life is stupid

2. People suck massive D.

I'm tired of this plane of existence, don't want friends, don't want girlfriends or money or anything else. Just want to rest cause I've been ready to go for just so long

Same brother