Sad_Autistic_boy_101
When I die, you'll love me.
- Nov 19, 2019
- 432
Hey everyone,
This is just a vent post.
I haven't been online in nearly over a year. I guess part of me thought that maybe even a fraction of my life would improve, especially being on this forum for nearly 5 years. Seeing people pass by year after year - some end up CTB, others go to the recovery forum or they just disappear. I keep coming back time and time again because no matter what I do, life just doesn't seem to improve. I tried, I really really tried to get better and fight for support and therapy but I got rejected from every place. I find it unfair that the most traumatised and the ones that that have been treated like dirt their entire life, just gets pushed aside by society because we're to "difficult" to help, to "difficult" to treat, waste of time/ resources because we've gone beyond being broken. I got discharged by the mental health team because I was told my disability was to complex, I was then kicked out of social care and left without a support and social worker. All attempts to communicate with them have been ignored. This is the problem with having a corrupt system. No one cares until you're either dead or have attempted. I've also been given a deadline to move out and find somewhere to live. My dissociative disorder has become so intense that i'm limited to my bed. I've lost the enjoyment of everything and my life is just one big mess.
Anyways I guess I came back because this forum feels like the only emotional validation and comfort that I get in my life from people whom I will never meet. But I like that, it gives me a strange sense of security and belongingness. I feel ready soon to part ways with the world and start my CTB journey. Just getting there is a tad difficult considering I'm homebound
.
This is just a vent post.
I haven't been online in nearly over a year. I guess part of me thought that maybe even a fraction of my life would improve, especially being on this forum for nearly 5 years. Seeing people pass by year after year - some end up CTB, others go to the recovery forum or they just disappear. I keep coming back time and time again because no matter what I do, life just doesn't seem to improve. I tried, I really really tried to get better and fight for support and therapy but I got rejected from every place. I find it unfair that the most traumatised and the ones that that have been treated like dirt their entire life, just gets pushed aside by society because we're to "difficult" to help, to "difficult" to treat, waste of time/ resources because we've gone beyond being broken. I got discharged by the mental health team because I was told my disability was to complex, I was then kicked out of social care and left without a support and social worker. All attempts to communicate with them have been ignored. This is the problem with having a corrupt system. No one cares until you're either dead or have attempted. I've also been given a deadline to move out and find somewhere to live. My dissociative disorder has become so intense that i'm limited to my bed. I've lost the enjoyment of everything and my life is just one big mess.
Anyways I guess I came back because this forum feels like the only emotional validation and comfort that I get in my life from people whom I will never meet. But I like that, it gives me a strange sense of security and belongingness. I feel ready soon to part ways with the world and start my CTB journey. Just getting there is a tad difficult considering I'm homebound
.
