What makes things worse is that i miss my manic episodes
I feel for you a lot. I'm not bipolar but I had a drug-induced (hypo?)manic episode for two months when I tried DIY ketamine therapy for my severe treatment-resistant depression. I was supposed to microdose, but, oh well, it worked so perfectly that I ended up macrodosing rather than microdosing… and oh boy do I not regret it. It was a lot of money and I almost destroyed my bladder, pissing my bed at night, but for the first fucking time of my damned life, I felt happy, I could do things, life was worth living. I eventually built up a tolerance and ended up just getting fucking high but as depressed as before, which somehow made it worse, but I would trade this episode of my life for nothing in the world. I only felt such bliss with pregabalin, oxycodone and heroin, but like with all drugs, well, you know the drill: after a few weeks of what felt like a normal life, I rapidly built up a tolerance and it stopped feeling as good as it used to. I'm still addicted to heroin as I speak, but I would take anything that makes me feel a little less shitty and helps me get through the day. The thing is, I'll eventually run out of money, and this day, I'll have to ask myself if I better not CTB. But not the shadow of a regret.
May I ask you what is your chosen method?
