3ndmym1sery
Member
- Aug 26, 2023
- 34
i was supposed to die 4 months ago, i was taken from my room and put into a mental hospital against my will, i was humiliated, abused, mistreated and forced to live. which i think is really sad, how if i wasnt literally forced to live id be very much dead right now. im not living because i want to, only because i was forced to. i have a fucked up life where i just sit in my room all day every day, i cant even go outside by myself, i have zero friends, no social life, the only people i see on a regular basis are my parents and its all their fault my life is like this so i hate them and never talk to them, so i literally talk to no one in my life. i used to have online friends but ever since my suicide attempt ive stopped using social media completely, i just feel like i cant really relate to these people. they all have such decent lives compared to me, theres nothing i want to talk to them about anymore. so now im living, i spend every day of my life in this room, if i want to go outside i need my parents to take me, either to the mall to buy some book or something, or the park, i have no freedom or independance even though im 20 years old now because im a female who lives in pakistan who never went to school after grade 6. i cant work, you need to be educated to be able to work if youre a girl in pakistan. so im basically a prisoner. i go to sleep whenever, i wake up whenever, time has no meaning for me, i woke up at 4 something am today, i sleep too much because i hate being awake. i sleep for 12-13 hours everyday. when im awake i just sit on my table writing the same shit ive written about for what feels like about a million times now. my trauma, how i wish i was dead, how miserable i am. i dont want to die, i really dont, but id rather die than live like this. this isnt living. this feels like a fucking punishment, ive been stuck here for years, when does it end. i was just born in the wrong place i guess. if youre a girl in pakistan and want a decent, normal life you have to become really educated and get into some university thats out of this country, thats literally the only way you can get out of here, and you have to be a total nerd for that which im not. i think its so unfair how i dont get to have any freedom or independance while other people my age do just because they were lucky enough to not be born in this shit fucking country. they didnt do shit to earn that, and i didnt do anything to deserve this, its just not fair.
