The world can be cruel, but I just want you to know that you don't deserve any of the hardships that you've faced. I don't know you personally, but I'm sure you've tried your best with the hand you've been dealt in life, and I'm proud of you. I hope that in whatever path you make take, you're able to find peace and contentment in yourself.
It's certainly understandable just wishing to permanently be free from all the suffering existing causes, I wish you the best and I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.
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