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darkenmydoorstep
Not Waving But Browned Off….
- Sep 27, 2023
- 505
I keep trying to find stuff to do, to distract myself from this dull and lingering existence.
I go to the gym. I write. I read, learn stuff. I see friends.
But it all feels like exactly what it is - filling time. Waiting to die. Knowing we die one day makes some people want to do as much as they can, but for me, knowing that just makes me think "may as well skip to the end".
It's hollow. It's like treading water, tiring.
It always has been.
Life is maintenance and you're a fucking janitor. You're always trying to maintain something - a job, relationship or friendship, the peace, financial stability, a figure, a clean house, social media presence, your fucking sanity……
I go to the gym. I write. I read, learn stuff. I see friends.
But it all feels like exactly what it is - filling time. Waiting to die. Knowing we die one day makes some people want to do as much as they can, but for me, knowing that just makes me think "may as well skip to the end".
It's hollow. It's like treading water, tiring.
It always has been.
Life is maintenance and you're a fucking janitor. You're always trying to maintain something - a job, relationship or friendship, the peace, financial stability, a figure, a clean house, social media presence, your fucking sanity……