Life is good but I still want to die

[morticianadams]

So I'm on the younger side (21) and thankfully, my life is going pretty well. I have a job I like in the field I want, I'm in a long term relationship, and an okay social life. Things are probably the best they've ever been for me, but I still just want to be dead, even though I'm not suffering too much right now. But I'm so tired.

I've wanted to die as long as I can remember, it used to be more of a fantasy and as I got older it turned into persistent suicidal ideation. The last year it's been constantly on my mind. I don't have plans to ctb anytime soon, because there are things I want to do and it seems like a shame to waste the one (as far as I know) chance I have at living. I'd like to kill myself eventually.

So often I just want to be done, though. It's really frustrating to want so badly to die and just stop myself. All the time I wish something would go wrong and result in my death. Anyone else in a similar boat? Thanks for listening.

 

[biggiedoo]

Yes. Sometimes I wish I could pause all of life and just exist within a frame of stopped time to sleep or keep things from moving forward while I process on my own.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like in my case, I would still want to die no matter what happened in my life, nothing could ever make me want to live. Being suicidal is who I am. I can imagine that it must be so tiring being in that situation. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

So I'm on the younger side (21) and thankfully, my life is going pretty well. I have a job I like in the field I want, I'm in a long term relationship, and an okay social life. Things are probably the best they've ever been for me, but I still just want to be dead, even though I'm not suffering too much right now. But I'm so tired.

I've wanted to die as long as I can remember, it used to be more of a fantasy and as I got older it turned into persistent suicidal ideation. The last year it's been constantly on my mind. I don't have plans to ctb anytime soon, because there are things I want to do and it seems like a shame to waste the one (as far as I know) chance I have at living. I'd like to kill myself eventually.

So often I just want to be done, though. It's really frustrating to want so badly to die and just stop myself. All the time I wish something would go wrong and result in my death. Anyone else in a similar boat? Thanks for listening.

The good news is that even if you try everything possible to stay alive, things are going to go wrong at some point and your current body will stop functioning. I don't have all that many things I still want to do, but I want to see how this global insanity plays out. Like, is the "cabal" going to succeed in the massive population reduction, and subsequently enslave the survivors with Elons mind control device? (might be my end right there) Are the masses going to do the most unlikely thing and become conscious enough to rise up and overthrow the bastards? (lol, as if) Or maybe the earth catastrophe cycle is as bad as claimed, and we'll all go out with a micronova from our sun, while the earths crust undergoes massive displacement causing multi-mile high 'slosh' across the continents from our oceans.

There's also the possibility that Putin really is acting on his own to defend Russia, and not just part of the WEF show. Perhaps we'll get the nuke war that takes out the globalists, and us survivors can make a new beginning. Anyway, I want to see what happens.

 

[whatevs]

You're not happy, are you?

 

[Worndown]

The good news is that "life" is treating you well. If the desire to die is great enough, it will probably happen. Until then, enjoy what you have and think about it like most of us do.

 

[Hurt]

You're not happy, are you?

Guess no one here is happy.

 

[whatevs]

Guess no one here is happy.

Makes sense, but I'm trying to dispel some incoherence here. Life's good ≠ I want to kill myself. If life is truly good, you're happy, and don't want to die.

 

[Worndown]

Happy is very subjective and variable. We might have a little happiness by knowing there is an end to life and that reality can give comfort.

 

[whatevs]

Happy is very subjective and variable. We might have a little happiness by knowing there is an end to life and that reality can give comfort.

That is absolutely abnormal and only occurs in the minds of chronically miserable individuals. Healthy people abhor death and are quite frightened of the thought, and not comforted in the slightest.

 

[Rational man]

Maybe you need to identity the source of unhappiness. I dont think identifying contentment is necessarily seen in our job or relationships ( how we have fallen for the 'seen to be happy' mindset ). Often the source of inner happiness is what makes us happy. For example, feeling a sense of security within can be happy. Feeling loneliness within a relationship can be unhappy. So what are you REALLY saying?

 

[Someone123]

So I'm on the younger side (21) and thankfully, my life is going pretty well. I have a job I like in the field I want, I'm in a long term relationship, and an okay social life. Things are probably the best they've ever been for me, but I still just want to be dead, even though I'm not suffering too much right now. But I'm so tired.

I've wanted to die as long as I can remember, it used to be more of a fantasy and as I got older it turned into persistent suicidal ideation. The last year it's been constantly on my mind. I don't have plans to ctb anytime soon, because there are things I want to do and it seems like a shame to waste the one (as far as I know) chance I have at living. I'd like to kill myself eventually.

So often I just want to be done, though. It's really frustrating to want so badly to die and just stop myself. All the time I wish something would go wrong and result in my death. Anyone else in a similar boat? Thanks for listening.

With things going better in your life at this time things may get better- it may be just your habitual thinking of wanting to ctb from when things were worse, who knows for sure though. But you have key things on your side- age, a relationship, and the type of job you want. Looking for little ways to make things better inj your social life, relationship, and working life might help you pull out of this. I always support choice for ctb, but with the things that are positive for you recovery seems possible.

 

[morticianadams]

With things going better in your life at this time things may get better- it may be just your habitual thinking of wanting to ctb from when things were worse, who knows for sure though. But you have key things on your side- age, a relationship, and the type of job you want. Looking for little ways to make things better inj your social life, relationship, and working life might help you pull out of this. I always support choice for ctb, but with the things that are positive for you recovery seems possible.

I am definitely trying to improve things, and I just got a therapist who should be okay with talking about suicidal ideation (I know how to be clear about not having any actual plans so I don't get 5150'd). Life is nowhere near bad enough to ctb and my hope is to learn to think about this stuff less and focus more on enjoying things.

Honestly though, I'm not sure I'll ever 'recover' fully - I've definitely been through some shit but my life has never been terrible, and yet this desire has been with me for a long time anyway. I'm not sure why I often would prefer to be dead when there's not too much in life I need to escape from, but there you go. I've been sleeping a lot instead.

 

[Someone123]

I am definitely trying to improve things, and I just got a therapist who should be okay with talking about suicidal ideation (I know how to be clear about not having any actual plans so I don't get 5150'd). Life is nowhere near bad enough to ctb and my hope is to learn to think about this stuff less and focus more on enjoying things.

Honestly though, I'm not sure I'll ever 'recover' fully - I've definitely been through some shit but my life has never been terrible, and yet this desire has been with me for a long time anyway. I'm not sure why I often would prefer to be dead when there's not too much in life I need to escape from, but there you go. I've been sleeping a lot instead.

Certain things might help- maybe pets, maybe hobbiies, maybe some type of club- I'm glad you're trying since you have key things in place that can help.

 

[ClownMe]

Im 21 as well, my life is horrendous at the moment, but even if it was good I think that I would be suicidal.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

That is absolutely abnormal and only occurs in the minds of chronically miserable individuals. Healthy people abhor death and are quite frightened of the thought, and not comforted in the slightest.

I have to disagree. It's true that it's currently common for people to abhor and fear death, but fearing a natural part of life is not healthy. Fearing death is a sign of mental imbalance, and a rejection of reality.

 

[whatevs]

I have to disagree. It's true that it's currently common for people to abhor and fear death, but fearing a natural part of life is not healthy. Fearing death is a sign of mental imbalance, and a rejection of reality.

You have a point, but what I was trying to say is that only among suicidals etc you will read or hear that death is comforting. It's true, people that loathe this site (95% of the population, let's say) aren't completely healthy either, but they are closer to "health" if understood as following the survival mandate of biology.

 

[Kurinoy]

I have to disagree. It's true that it's currently common for people to abhor and fear death, but fearing a natural part of life is not healthy. Fearing death is a sign of mental imbalance, and a rejection of reality.

One of our natural instincts is to survive. So our mind is afraid of dying. That's how it works and it's veeery simple. How can that be a sign of mental imbalance?

 

[Someone123]

I have to disagree. It's true that it's currently common for people to abhor and fear death, but fearing a natural part of life is not healthy. Fearing death is a sign of mental imbalance, and a rejection of reality.

There are good reasons to fear death- there may not be an afterlife, which is terrifying to a lot of people. There may be a hell, which is even way more terrifying based on descriptions of this. I believe there is likely an afterlife which is better than this life, but I don't know for sure. No one knows for sure what is next no matter how convinced they are that they know.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

One of our natural instincts is to survive. So our mind is afraid of dying. That's how it works and it's veeery simple. How can that be a sign of mental imbalance?

I'm not seeing the need for the survival instinct causing fear of death. It can, but imo that's more of an artifact of our abhorrent modern lifestyle and culture.

Rejection of reality (everyone dies) seems like a type of mental unbalance. Modern societies are totally dysfunctional in their perceptions of reality. We're taught to fear death, even though it's a natural part of life. That makes no sense. Attempting to live outside of reality is why our whole system is beginning to collapse, and the sooner it does the better.

There are good reasons to fear death- there may not be an afterlife, which is terrifying to a lot of people. There may be a hell, which is even way more terrifying based on descriptions of this. I believe there is likely an afterlife which is better than this life, but I don't know for sure. No one knows for sure what is next no matter how convinced they are that they know.

That's a good point. The unrighteous do have reason to fear death, given their potential destination. Agreed no one (who hasn't yet died) knows what will actually happen when we die, but I do think our 'consciousness' has a high probability of being a manifestation of our spirit, rather than our physical brain.

You have a point, but what I was trying to say is that only among suicidals etc you will read or hear that death is comforting. It's true, people that loathe this site (95% of the population, let's say) aren't completely healthy either, but they are closer to "health" if understood as following the survival mandate of biology.

I'm not saying that death is necessarily comforting either. More that a healthy and mentally fit person would simply 'accept' that death is a part of life, and not fear it, or obsess over prolonging life when it's clearly time to go. When it's time, it's time.

 

[Rational man]

I have to disagree. It's true that it's currently common for people to abhor and fear death, but fearing a natural part of life is not healthy. Fearing death is a sign of mental imbalance, and a rejection of reality.

And yet so many people.do fear the realty of death or the process in whichever we all do die. Perhaps an older person who has fullfilled life compared to a younger person like me, who has serious illness; may have a different perspective on death. Dying is letting go of the self, the identity, material.possessions, relationships. None of this i s permanent but the human mind knows this, but do we really FEEL it!?.

 

[motel rooms]

Honestly though, I'm not sure I'll ever 'recover' fully - I've definitely been through some shit but my life has never been terrible, and yet this desire has been with me for a long time anyway. I'm not sure why I often would prefer to be dead when there's not too much in life I need to escape from, but there you go.

Sounds like you're underestimating the effect of the shit you've been through & probably (unconsciously) repressing some (or even a lot) of it. There's no way your life has never been terrible if you've wanted to die "for as long as you can remember". I hope your therapist can help you.

 

[Someone123]

Rejection of reality (everyone dies) seems like a type of mental unbalance. Modern societies are totally dysfunctional in their perceptions of reality. We're taught to fear death, even though it's a natural part of life. That makes no sense. Attempting to live outside of reality is why our whole system is beginning to collapse, and the sooner it does the better.

That's a good point. The unrighteous do have reason to fear death, given their potential destination. Agreed no one (who hasn't yet died) knows what will actually happen when we die, but I do think our 'consciousness' has a high probability of being a manifestation of our spirit, rather than our physical brain.

I'm not saying that death is necessarily comforting either. More that a healthy and mentally fit person would simply 'accept' that death is a part of life, and not fear it, or obsess over prolonging life when it's clearly time to go. When it's time, it's time.

When you say the unrighteous do have reason to fear death, given their particular destination, it sounds like you are saying that people woh don't have certain religious beliefs have good reason to fear death, but that people who do have the correct religious beliefs don't have anything to be afraid of- is this what you mean? It may not be worth it, though, to get into a full discussion of differences in religious beliefs, I'm not sure, since people almost never change their mind about this. It can be an interesting topic to discuss if people discuss it respectfully and don't get too heated about it, though.

 

[WantToQuit]

My life is pure hell and I hate it.

 

[roaming_soul]

I relate to your post wholeheartedly. It can be unbalancing to live be living the life that anyone else might yearn for and that you enjoy yet you have this consistent nagging at the back of your mind that wants you to die. I was free of those thoughts for 7 years and then BAM! Right back where I started - moving through life like I had 2 parts inside of me. If you can keep going, do it. I would. My reason for deciding to CTB now is that I've moved past the guilt of suicide (mostly) and I have an opportunity to do it painlessly now with the access that I have to SN. I won't have the same access in a couple of months because I'd be moving countries then. So yeah, I relate to everything you said and I appreciate you sharing because I've felt so selfish the last couple of days.

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

When you say the unrighteous do have reason to fear death, given their particular destination, it sounds like you are saying that people woh don't have certain religious beliefs have good reason to fear death, but that people who do have the correct religious beliefs don't have anything to be afraid of- is this what you mean? It may not be worth it, though, to get into a full discussion of differences in religious beliefs, I'm not sure, since people almost never change their mind about this. It can be an interesting topic to discuss if people discuss it respectfully and don't get too heated about it, though.

Maybe semantics, but I wouldn't say just having the correct beliefs about ('religion')reality removes reasons to fear errors. Having correct beliefs about gravity doesn't absolve one from the consequences of a misstep. But the world we live in is owned and operated by a group of people who've dedicated themselves to promoting false beliefs among the masses. (another topic that people never get too heated about - lol)

While this (SS) might seem like an extremely relevant place to discuss correct beliefs about the fate of one's soul upon departing this plane of existence, I don't believe in artificially changing people's beliefs with marketing or rhetoric. People deserve the consequences they choose for themselves, whether they enjoy or hate their results.

It may not be worth it, though, to get into a full discussion of differences in religious beliefs

Agreed. Maybe if there were a sub-forum for it, but beliefs can be powerful mental structures that are extremely resistant to revision or correction. Most people reflexively defend their beliefs, even when they're clearly not supported by reality.

If you can keep going, do it. I would. My reason for deciding to CTB now is that I've moved past the guilt of suicide (mostly) and I have an opportunity to do it painlessly now with the access that I have to SN. I won't have the same access in a couple of months because I'd be moving countries then.

There are a number of painless ways to die that don't involve poisons. Any virtually instant death is painless, since our sensory process is relatively slow. A couple hundred feet or more of fall to concrete, rock, or solid ground is an instant and painless death. Absorbing the kinetic energy from a fast moving 'mass' of sufficient size or accurate placement is also instant and painless.

If you need specific painless alternatives to the SN, just let me know.