Unfortunately I don't think I can ever heal. Its been 8 years of trying to get better. Every medication and anti depressant under the roof, thousands of hours of exercise, finding work, meditation, thousands of dollars on supplements and even testosterone treatment, journaling, 4 different therapists, countless visits to the GP and seeing different psychiatrists, hospitalization, healthy dieting, the list goes on.
I am honestly tired and feel hopeless and trapped. 8 years of trying so hard, and i feel i have made no progress at all.
My mind feels damaged beyond repair. there is no hope left. All I can do now is lay down and rot and hope i die in a accident or something. ctb doesn't feel like an option because i don't want to hurt my parents. So I can only suffer in this hellish world