I just want this nightmare to end so bad...
I hope. I hope it doesn't get worse than this but with all the galaxies who tr knows
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
I want to die because there's nothing for me to do
Raggas
Suicide is self expression
- Dec 31, 2018
- 306
Same for me. Nothing in life peaks my interest.
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
Same but I just have nothing to do. No one will employ me and with all the free time I have no social life. Unfortunately boredom doesn't kill.
Raggas
Suicide is self expression
- Dec 31, 2018
- 306
I have no friends and am a NEET. Maybe this contributes to my condition of wanting to die.
Gina
Unknown
- Sep 2, 2018
- 53
deflagrat
¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
- Apr 9, 2018
- 360
I just don't even care about anything anymore, I force myself to watch stuff and do a few things to spend time. I wish I could spend all day sleeping, it would be like killing myself without killing myself.
limelight
I'm probably high while writing this crap.
- Mar 15, 2019
- 75
Lara Francis
Enlightened
- Jun 30, 2018
- 1,627
Gina
Unknown
- Sep 2, 2018
- 53
I can't sleep anymore, I'm just a zombie now
I understand that all people are different but maybe to be NEET and have no friends it's not something bad - maybe it's good? Most friends are not real friends and they just use each other to satisfy their desires.
I think the main problem of being NEET is lack of money and stress for this reason.
The social isolation. It's documented. In adolescence it causes major depression and anhedonia. Just what I have.
Yes, this is the result of instincts - it seems that our body, in the case of a long social isolation perceives it as some kind of disease.
I'am a NEET too for many years (sometimes I leave home 2-3 times a year) but I managed to learn how to get real pleasure from social isolation. I get pleasure from loneliness, time flies by and the reason for stress and fear is that I don't have money and I don't know what to do. I am really suffering from being in any society. Maybe I'm just so crazy and I have strong enough autism, probably i somehow cheat this instinct, turn it off.
Yea, I no longer feel a compelling desire to explore and I mean it's barely surviving in life lol!
I honestly wish I didn't have people who loved and cared for me so much. It would make this whole ctb thing so much freakin' easier. I don't wanna hurt my family but I just don't think they understand what I go thru every day......life is torturous.
Not having many friends or family watching over me does make it easier to hide the despair and inch closer to ctb.
GeorgeJL
Enlightened
- Mar 7, 2019
- 1,621
Xaphous
hikikomori
- Nov 11, 2018
- 550
Mindset and evironment are important with those though. I took shrooms recently for maybe the 8th or so time and it was a pretty terrible trip. I'm sure It was just my own depressed mindset reflecting back on me though, other times have been great. If people are suicidal I think it's crucial to get in a better state of mind first.
GeorgeJL
Enlightened
- Mar 7, 2019
- 1,621
Agreed, I just didn't feel like typing out all that. LOL If OP was interested I would have told him that and more.
Personally I had the most magical blissful mystical experience with mixing 2c-b and 4-aco-dmt I was in sublime bliss for hours while the universe was flowing through me.
suffering
Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
- Aug 17, 2018
- 398
I spend a lot of time isolated as well and I also enjoy it. It's harder in early youth, I remember getting very uneasy after 2-3 days alone, probably because our bodies are designed to go out and mate, but as I got a little older loneliness became natural, it's my default state. I don't think I have autism, but I do have a disinterest in social interactions, a disinterest which I consider a matter of good taste (I'm sure society would label me as having some sort of issue because of this, but that is not my problem) so I suppose I managed to cheat that instinct as well. Being online I think also helps, as we feel connected to other people , for instance, being on this forum makes me feel understood, although I never PM people or befriend them on a personal level.
dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
Life's a nightmare, then I have to wake up and go to work.
Had a dream about a man, and a driver, like a chófer, gave something like N to the pretty girl sitting next to me in the car, and then I found out she was dying and he tried to kill me, so I tried to poke his eye with a fast finger punch and my finger hit the bed besides me (I'm sleeping on a hammock next to bed lately)
And then I woke up.... It was a nice movie ... Wish I didn't wake up....
Had a dream about a man, and a driver, like a chófer, gave something like N to the pretty girl sitting next to me in the car, and then I found out she was dying and he tried to kill me, so I tried to poke his eye with a fast finger punch and my finger hit the bed besides me (I'm sleeping on a hammock next to bed lately)
And then I woke up.... It was a nice movie ... Wish I didn't wake up....
suffering
Too p*ssy to end it, too suicidal to leave
- Aug 17, 2018
- 398
Mr2005
Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
- Sep 25, 2018
- 3,622
Hate is horrible. What we want is compassion. I dreamt people were trying to kill me on here and it wasn't pleasant
As for life being a nightmare. I don't think you can objectively say it's anything just what it subjectively is to you. It's a hell of my own making
As for life being a nightmare. I don't think you can objectively say it's anything just what it subjectively is to you. It's a hell of my own making
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dandan
One more attempt on life.
- Feb 18, 2019
- 1,298
JadedGray
Life Eternal
- Jul 24, 2018
- 991
I feel that life is just one distraction after another until you die. This life is a nightmare that I can never wake up from. I remember the days when I would wake up from a bad dream relieved, but now there is no dream worse than this reality. I don't even wake up abruptly from my dreams anymore. I just try to sleep (when I can) as long as possible. The shorter the days are the better.
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martha
Experienced
- Mar 14, 2019
- 201
