I wrote a post coming about coming to a similar conclusion, I would've tagged it on to here had I known this post existed - still finding my way around.
It sounds like you went through a similar kind of existential crisis, trying to work out the point of it all, and then… you realized. Mind if I ask how you felt? At the moment you came to the conclusion?
I'd like to try and break down even further what we mean by a 'purpose' or 'meaning' to live, and I will say I've developed some pretty nihilistic views. It's cool that I can discuss them here because I've never had the chance to voice them aloud (or through a screen lmao).
My conclusion, same as yours, that everything is meaningless led me down this train of thought… we are nothing but, plants. Think of a forest full of trees and bushes, all fighting to dig their roots the deepest, have their leaves catch the most sun, so that they can live longer, reproduce and make more plants. All of life is just… bundles of cells. Down at our kore (hehe) we are no different than a blade of grass. The same as a toad. Or a potato. All that we are is huge collections of cells, trying to reproduce and transfer information.
That led me to think that when it really comes down to it, our core universal purpose… is to have kids. To pass on our DNA, just as plants do, just as bacteria do (albeit in a different manner) just as all carbon based life that evolved on our lil ball of rock and dirt does. The idea that we are some kind of being fully apart from the rest of life on earth, that we alone contain some kind of soul because we're a bit smarter than the other bundles of cells and thankfully picked up a pair of thumbs along the evolutionary journey… it suddenly sounds ridiculous. Which would, sadly, mean that souls aren't a thing, neither is an afterlife or any of the other fun stuff we think up.
I guess the purpose of our biological being is to pass on information, through our DNA, to our offspring. On this note, here's a lil mind blowing fact I read a while back… there was an experiment conducted on mice. I'll try search for the article later if I cbf.
A breeding pair of mice were exposed to a very specific scent moments before being induced with fear - I can't remember how exactly, maybe loud noises or, knowing our placidly violent race, with physical pain. Eventually, the mice would exhibit signs of fear when the scent was introduced, but without the actual source of that fear. So no noise or pain or whatever. The breeding pair bred, and when the offspring were introduced to that same scent, they exhibited signs of extreme fear. Never actually going through pain or whatever. Those offspring went on to have further offspring, who exhibited reduced signs of fear from the scent, but still there. The experiment proved that information, such as survival reactions to a specific scent, is literally passed down at the DNA level. I found that… staggering
Anyway. Discovering there is literally no meaning to anything, that we're all just floating particles on a ball of rock, that the timescale of the universe is so vast that what we consider stress/pain is literally, nothing at all…… Made me feel, kinda humbled. I don't know how to put it. Insignificant. But, as are our worries and stress. If there is literally no point to anything, that even if we do 'bad' things (this discovery also shatters the concepts of good and bad but that's a whole nutha conversation) then… idk. I'm just rambling at this point.
I'm just kinda struggling with all concepts after what feels like the curtain being pulled from my eyes. Good and bad? Monogamy? Heck, 'love' itself? Everything is just… chemicals and reactions. Happening at the most stupidly tiny piece of time on the cosmic scale. There's about 7.8 billion humans alive
right now. How many have ever lived? How many will ever be? And all of our race is but a hairwidth of the time that life has been on earth. And that is but a hairwidth of how long since the earth formed. And that is but a hairwidth of how long our tiny portion of our tiny galaxy has been around……. Starting to understand why so many physicists and scientists in general lose the plot lmao.
I only see it as rational to wish for nothingness as all that life does is create problems there was never a need for, it's tragic how existing beings have to suffer so senselessly in this torturous process of waiting around to die.
I wanted to respond to this. Based on what I've said above, I don't believe it's rational to only wish for nothingness. But I do believe that our biggest gift, and equally our biggest curse, is the evolution of a brain that allows us to reason and think, to ask 'why?', and more importantly, to see the world for what it truly is. Thanks to that ability, I do believe we have a fundamental right to choose nothingness, since we are able to circumvent the survival instinct that literally all life holds (minus dodos. Those guys literally wrote the book on ctb). But equally, if everything is pointless and nothing really matters and we're gonna die anyway whether it's by our own hand or not… idk, surely we should just do what pleases us. If you wanna play video games for 12 hours a day, fkin do it. If you wanna party and drink and fuck, go ahead. If what pleases you is doing something that makes others smile, then do that. Whether it's considered 'good' or 'bad' for you or your health based on our lil human belief systems, it doesn't really matter. If it pleases you in that moment of time?
The biggest problem with this new… mindset, is idk how to handle it. It can very quickly lead to some pretty destructive behavior. And yeah, the response to that is - so what? Everything's pointless anyway! But, if you're not wanting to ctb but equally don't want your existence suddenly limited to the inside of a cell - whether medical or institutional - ig you gotta choose your 'happiness' wisely? Eh, rambling again.
Could talk on for hours about this but I'll stop here for now. Ima grab a beer and play a game cause that's what I fkin wanna do rn.
