notmyusername
Da Fan of Stuffs
- Feb 1, 2024
- 27
Last time I posted here was February I think...
To make a long story short, my life has gotten a billion times harder than it was before because I am homeless now. That is where trying to escape your mind gets you if you aren't smart or careful about it. Honestly, I could be worse off.
All I can think sometimes is that life is fucking insane and I truly can't grasp it. Humans are so weird. I just have no idea what functioning human beings are like. Do they even exist? Every homeless person here at the shelter has gone through something clearly, and I've heard it. It is hard to believe there is anything other than dysfunctional people out there when you are surrounded by it and always have been. Life literally feels like an episode of Bojack Horseman.
I hear about drugs more now than I have ever in my entire life, and I get it. Life is a little bit better when you're high. At least to me. As long as people aren't judging you for it. What have I become?
I wanted to remain celibate for life. For my own reasons. But no. I met a homeless guy, and he's sweet and a wonderful person. I get high and I blow him. Again, what have I become? Nothing against this dude at all, because we're dating. It just somehow happened and it hurts my brain so much.
I just wanted a normal life. I wish every child was loved unconditionally and treated as human beings with respect. I didn't want to be like my bio mother, too preoccupied by sex and men to give a fuck about her kids. It was the reason I wanted to never go down that path and I did. I may not have kids yet, but I feel like I already fucked up as a parent by being like my mother in the slightest way. I am truly a hopeless case.
I had such an aversion to sex. I was sexually abused as a kid. Why did I just start doing sexual things? Why did I start smoking? What happened to me?
This probably doesn't make any sense to whoever is reading this. But you're witnessing a weak, disgusting, sad excuse of a human be broken way too easily. It was way to easy for me to just throw my values out the window.
To make a long story short, my life has gotten a billion times harder than it was before because I am homeless now. That is where trying to escape your mind gets you if you aren't smart or careful about it. Honestly, I could be worse off.
All I can think sometimes is that life is fucking insane and I truly can't grasp it. Humans are so weird. I just have no idea what functioning human beings are like. Do they even exist? Every homeless person here at the shelter has gone through something clearly, and I've heard it. It is hard to believe there is anything other than dysfunctional people out there when you are surrounded by it and always have been. Life literally feels like an episode of Bojack Horseman.
I hear about drugs more now than I have ever in my entire life, and I get it. Life is a little bit better when you're high. At least to me. As long as people aren't judging you for it. What have I become?
I wanted to remain celibate for life. For my own reasons. But no. I met a homeless guy, and he's sweet and a wonderful person. I get high and I blow him. Again, what have I become? Nothing against this dude at all, because we're dating. It just somehow happened and it hurts my brain so much.
I just wanted a normal life. I wish every child was loved unconditionally and treated as human beings with respect. I didn't want to be like my bio mother, too preoccupied by sex and men to give a fuck about her kids. It was the reason I wanted to never go down that path and I did. I may not have kids yet, but I feel like I already fucked up as a parent by being like my mother in the slightest way. I am truly a hopeless case.
I had such an aversion to sex. I was sexually abused as a kid. Why did I just start doing sexual things? Why did I start smoking? What happened to me?
This probably doesn't make any sense to whoever is reading this. But you're witnessing a weak, disgusting, sad excuse of a human be broken way too easily. It was way to easy for me to just throw my values out the window.