Letting go of ego?

[Mocha]

It sounds bad, but one of the main reasons I'm staying is because of ego. I feel a need to spite people who hate my existence and prove doubts wrong, and to preserve the relationships that I have. Even though all of it will be fruitless in the end, and the suffering outweighs the motivator. How do you let go of this, make peace with what you're leaving behind and bite the bullet?

 

[pauly369]

Life is mostly pointless and meaningless suffering and nothing really matters in the end anyway.
The vast majority of people will usually still carry on hating you no matter what you do to try and prove anything.
Theres really no point in trying.
Its all futile.

 

[divinemistress87]

Psychadelics dissolves ego temporarily

 

[JesiBel]

The world will go on with or without me. I don't care what others think. I have nothing to prove to others, perhaps apathy and emptiness destroy the ego... nothing matters to you anymore. Nothing will stop me when I decide to ctb. I only wish for nonexistence.

Surely someone will be happy to see me go. And that's okay. I once thought that about someone, too. Anyway, I won't be here to worry about others anymore.

 

[Moniker]

I think fear is the biggest reason I haven't ctb yet, but sometimes my mind wanders elsewhere. I think of all the people who hate me, the self-righteous ones who thought they were above me. If they found out I went out due to suicide, they'd think they had won. They'd enjoy it - revel in it. I can't stand the thought of that.

I know spite can't push me forward forever, but right now it's hard to let it go.

 

[FishRain3469]

I don't believe it's what your talking / asking about but I certainly agree with divinemistress36 on this. Have reached a complete ego death with mushrooms and LSD numerous times.

Some of the trips were Extremely beautiful, like I was reborn. While others were quite terrifying, like a fckn nightmare that just wouldn't end. Pretty crazy to say the Least!