Let's be honest ... We're on the self-destruct mode

[nopointofliving]

There is much pain within me, and I really want to leave here. However, each time the date is getting postponed, or I can't get myself to do.

What I got in return?
1- Failing attempts.
2- losing more opportunities to enhance my life even by 1%.
3- losing more money (because I'm not working, just spending)
4- going more backward in life.

I'm just destroying my life by sleeping all day and doing no action. I'm criticizing anyone here, I'm just analyzing my own situation. It's true my life is dark and awful, and by taking no step forward, it's getting more awful. It's getting worse.

I think I have no other option; either to move forward by 1mm or CTB.

Sleeping all day won't help, I know I'm exhustted and tired. I can't even have the energy to do anything. The bleeding warrior in the battle zone has no other options either; he can wait for his death in his own place or move forward.

I'm not acting as Pro-lifer or anything, but seriously I waited too much for help or sympathy. I waited for an old friend to check on me. I waited for a single message from someone saying "I really care about you, let's get out of this together". I got nothing. NOTHING.... I'm killing myself while alive... why?!! I'm moving forward till I get something or CTB. I don't want to be on self-destruct mode anymore.

 

[BlankUser]

I'm also on a self destruct mode. I'm committing a slow suicide with insane amounts of alcohol. My life has no structure. I have no energy to do anything. I feel like in order to recover I need to have a willpower of steel and I don't have it. I wish I was like before, even though I had OCD back then, but I had a will to live, I had goals and plans. Now I don't know what happened. Suicidal thoughts are so tiring. I've been looking for a job since last year and I can't find anything.

 

[luten]

There is much pain within me, and I really want to leave here. However, each time the date is getting postponed, or I can't get myself to do.

What I got in return?
1- Failing attempts.
2- losing more opportunities to enhance my life even by 1%.
3- losing more money (because I'm not working, just spending)
4- going more backward in life.

I'm just destroying my life by sleeping all day and doing no action. I'm criticizing anyone here, I'm just analyzing my own situation. It's true my life is dark and awful, and by taking no step forward, it's getting more awful. It's getting worse.

I think I have no other option; either to move forward by 1mm or CTB.

Sleeping all day won't help, I know I'm exhustted and tired. I can't even have the energy to do anything. The bleeding warrior in the battle zone has no other options either; he can wait for his death in his own place or move forward.

I'm not acting as Pro-lifer or anything, but seriously I waited too much for help or sympathy. I waited for an old friend to check on me. I waited for a single message from someone saying "I really care about you, let's get out of this together". I got nothing. NOTHING.... I'm killing myself while alive... why?!! I'm moving forward till I get something or CTB. I don't want to be on self-destruct mode anymore.

I am sorry you feel this way.

One tend to lose many things in life when you losing your mind. I can totally relate to wasting opportunities, and I feel a great deal of contempt towards myself for turning things down when I need it most. Everyday I think of the things I lost due to mental exhaustion, making the wrong decisions when my mind not functioning properly. One can often not go back, and change it.

As you said, it is a self-destructive path, and it is not pretty. I think once a person considered suicide as an option, it becomes very difficult to get rid of that option.

Make no mistake, you are alone in this, when you choose CTB, the best you going to get is "i hope you find peace" , "safe travels", etc, but then again, what else can a person say to someone who is about to exit?

 

[LifeQuitter2018]

Same here bro. I sleep 12 - 14 hrs / day.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is exhausting - it is hard when you don't have any energy left, I feel very tired too - I can relate to that. It is hard to take our lives too - I would do anything just to have a peaceful way out. I wish you the best.

 

[Efilismislife]

But suicide is also self destruct mode right..?

its an escapism.
Some people cant even have any hope to live anymore then what else..

i even dont have any passion to eat and do anything i lose weight and people told me im too skinny and say im in self destruct mode(little did they know im searching way to KMS)

 

[nopointofliving]

But suicide is also self destruct mode right..?

its an escapism.
Some people cant even have any hope to live anymore then what else..

i even dont have any passion to eat and do anything i lose weight and people told me im too skinny and say im in self destruct mode(little did they know im searching way to KMS)

I feel you...I have no energy too...I'm seesing everything I tried to build all over years is collapsing down ..even I'm destroying myself a little a little day by day, I'm still getting no help by Noone. I'm the only loser in all of this. I'm really sad that I'm by my own and having Noone to help me but this no action can't help me anymore..so either I ctb and kill this existence and suffer at once or I fight to make my day a bit better.

 

[Efilismislife]

I feel you...I have no energy too...I'm seesing everything I tried to build all over years is collapsing down ..even I'm destroying myself a little a little day by day, I'm still getting no help by Noone. I'm the only loser in all of this. I'm really sad that I'm by my own and having Noone to help me but this no action can't help me anymore..so either I ctb and kill this existence and suffer at once or I fight to make my day a bit better.

Yeah i kind of understand (eventhough we are on different issues and condition i guess)

For me, im tried of trying anymore and see my effort and hope go down the drain. Maybe thats why im kind of skeptical and critical.

but you know how they say "you have to be positive, keep the positivity, show some positivity" and such "good things happen from good expectations, negativity attracts negative things"

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Same here bro. I sleep 12 - 14 hrs / day.

Same lmao

 

[motel rooms]

Yes, most of us are self-destructive. It's not like that's a secret, this is a place for fucked-up, suicidal folks.
Everyone who truly wants to recover should seriously consider leaving this forum. Just my humble opinion. You can always come back

 

[BlankUser]

Everyone who truly wants to recover should seriously consider leaving this forum.

I thought about that. But where to go then? Even in recovery you need people who can understand you and won't judge you. Most places are just...toxic positivity and platitudes. You can't mention anything about suicide, because you get scolded quickly. I'd like to recover, but this place is the only place where I can be my true self...

 

[motel rooms]

I thought about that. But where to go then? Even in recovery you need people who can understand you and won't judge you. Most places are just...toxic positivity and platitudes. You can't mention anything about suicide, because you get scolded quickly. I'd like to recover, but this place is the only place where I can be my true self...

Yeah, but sometimes the line between being supportive & sucking someone back into defeatism is very blurry...

 

[Efilismislife]

I initially thought SS is a place only to discuss about suicide method and i even thought the people would be gone one by one and thinking "whos gonna left behind eventually..." and then i found out not everyone ctb.....

"Ok.. that makes more sense"

i solely come here because i still have unfinished business on suicide attempt

Yes, most of us are self-destructive. It's not like that's a secret, this is a place for fucked-up, suicidal folks.
Everyone who truly wants to recover should seriously consider leaving this forum. Just my humble opinion. You can always come back

 

[BlankUser]

Yeah, but sometimes the line between being supportive & sucking someone back into defeatism is very blurry...

I get what you mean. I think it's best not to go to extremes and it's best to try to navigate in a grey area... For example I hate toxic positivity, because it undermines your feelings. But constantly drowning in a hateful negativity (something I've seen on this site) can also drag you down. But sometimes finding that balance is the hardest thing to do. So I don't know what to do... :(

 

[motel rooms]

I get what you mean. I think it's best not to go to extremes and it's best to try to navigate in a grey area... For example I hate toxic positivity, because it undermines your feelings. But constantly drowning in a hateful negativity (something I've seen on this site) can also drag you down. But sometimes finding that balance is the hardest thing to do. So I don't know what to do... :(

It's all so complicated... I'm a total pessimist when it comes to my situation & I don't want to be saved, but I find myself trying to help other people get better. And it hurts like hell when someone you like decides it's time to die, even though you know you can't help them & you really, really want their suffering to end...

 

[BlankUser]

It's all so complicated... I'm a total pessimist when it comes to my situation & I don't want to be saved, but I find myself trying to help other people get better. And it hurts like hell when someone you like decides it's time to die, even though you know you can't help them & you really, really want their suffering to end...

I know. Even though it's been only a few months since I joined this site, I already somewhat connected to some people and I'm worried about them.

 

[checkouttime]

I agree this isn't a place to recover, even if there is a recovery section. Thats not to say that people aren't nice etc and helpful here and aren't doing anything wrong, its just due to the nature of the things being talked about, it would be better to be away from seeing some of the things that are being talked about/methods.

I'm not interested in being saved so it doesn't bother me personally