anchorsaweigh06
New Member
- May 21, 2026
- 1
New to the site, but I've been lurking for a while now.
I (20M) have all but reached the end of my rope.
I'm stuck in college undergrad as a biology major that my neglectful mother forced me into, and I'm repeatedly failing the low-level STEM courses I need to progress academically. This also puts me at risk of flunking out of the crappy four-year university I'm at, or losing access to the financial aid that makes it possible for me to attend in the first place. Whichever comes first. I don't have any marketable nor transferable skills that would allow me to easily pivot into another decently-paying career, and I'm not physically nor intellectually capable enough to learn a trade (not to mention that my parents, who are both college graduates, would be immensely disappointed in me). Any other potential careers either don't pay well, aren't considered "real" jobs, or both . I'm feeling lost, to say the least.
I've been struggling with my mental health for at least the past six years now, and I've bounced between therapists all my life for a myriad of reasons. My most recent pick took a break and claimed she'd be back in touch with me, but I haven't heard anything ten days past the date she said she'd restart contact. Wouldn't be the first time I've been ghosted by a therapist. Maybe I'm just too broken an individual to be fixed.
When I was younger, all I wanted was to make some sort of an impact on the world and help those who were less fortunate than myself. I feel embarrassed to have failed to live up to the potential I had and the expectations of those around me. All of my childhood friends are vastly more successful than I am: one of them runs a massive social media account and basically forgot I existed, and even one of my old bullies has a master's degree and is teaching at the university I currently attend. What a joke, right?
Nowadays, I just sit in my room and play video games all day. I use my college work as an excuse to stagnate and not do anything in life. I have no friends to speak of outside of two roommates who are more like acquaintances than anything else. I'm too scared of change to make any real effort, and my ongoing (suspected) depression has only exacerbated my lack of motivation. I just want to lay here and rot and not do anything. Pathetic, I know, but that's my life.
All that brings me to where I am now: I finally mustered the courage to make an account on here, I'm planning to CTB in late summer on my birthday. Something about bookends, I guess? It just feels right. I have a method locked down for the most part, but still need to acquire the materials. I bought a voice recorder to leave some messages to my family for them to listen to after I'm gone. I hope they aren't too mad. I guess that's it, really. I'm just so tired of everything and I want all of this to be over.
[Thanks for reading this, whoever you are. I hope things get better for you.]
I (20M) have all but reached the end of my rope.
I'm stuck in college undergrad as a biology major that my neglectful mother forced me into, and I'm repeatedly failing the low-level STEM courses I need to progress academically. This also puts me at risk of flunking out of the crappy four-year university I'm at, or losing access to the financial aid that makes it possible for me to attend in the first place. Whichever comes first. I don't have any marketable nor transferable skills that would allow me to easily pivot into another decently-paying career, and I'm not physically nor intellectually capable enough to learn a trade (not to mention that my parents, who are both college graduates, would be immensely disappointed in me). Any other potential careers either don't pay well, aren't considered "real" jobs, or both . I'm feeling lost, to say the least.
I've been struggling with my mental health for at least the past six years now, and I've bounced between therapists all my life for a myriad of reasons. My most recent pick took a break and claimed she'd be back in touch with me, but I haven't heard anything ten days past the date she said she'd restart contact. Wouldn't be the first time I've been ghosted by a therapist. Maybe I'm just too broken an individual to be fixed.
When I was younger, all I wanted was to make some sort of an impact on the world and help those who were less fortunate than myself. I feel embarrassed to have failed to live up to the potential I had and the expectations of those around me. All of my childhood friends are vastly more successful than I am: one of them runs a massive social media account and basically forgot I existed, and even one of my old bullies has a master's degree and is teaching at the university I currently attend. What a joke, right?
Nowadays, I just sit in my room and play video games all day. I use my college work as an excuse to stagnate and not do anything in life. I have no friends to speak of outside of two roommates who are more like acquaintances than anything else. I'm too scared of change to make any real effort, and my ongoing (suspected) depression has only exacerbated my lack of motivation. I just want to lay here and rot and not do anything. Pathetic, I know, but that's my life.
All that brings me to where I am now: I finally mustered the courage to make an account on here, I'm planning to CTB in late summer on my birthday. Something about bookends, I guess? It just feels right. I have a method locked down for the most part, but still need to acquire the materials. I bought a voice recorder to leave some messages to my family for them to listen to after I'm gone. I hope they aren't too mad. I guess that's it, really. I'm just so tired of everything and I want all of this to be over.
[Thanks for reading this, whoever you are. I hope things get better for you.]
