Left to contact helpline

[Life_and_Death]

I went for a walk back to the bridge taking nothing except myself and a phone. I was debating on texting them, my mental illness so bad it physically hurts and makes me nauseous.
But I didnt. They can't help me. No one can. I just can't find the purpose in contacting them. I can't find the worth.
I just want to keep going. I just want the pain to stop.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I went for a walk back to the bridge taking nothing except myself and a phone. I was debating on texting them, my mental illness so bad it physically hurts and makes me nauseous.
But I didnt. They can't help me. No one can. I just can't find the purpose in contacting them. I can't find the worth.
I just want to keep going. I just want the pain to stop.

Fuck, I'm sorry. You didn't text them but you did text us. You can't find the worth, but I'm here for what it's worth.

 

[want2dienow]

Did the same thing week ago, but unlike you,
I dont have a phone.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Did the same thing week ago, but unlike you,
I dont have a phone.

Neither do I, that's why I said 'a' phone and not my phone

 

[Life_and_Death]

You can't find the worth

I can't find a reason to message them. Suicide/depression = contact, I'm sure basically anything goes and it wouldn't surprise me that people are calling for trivial reasons because people cry and are "depressed" about everything (I mean no offense to anyone and honestly can't even think of a good example because if your brain is that foggy, even if the reason is small and stupid for calling, the call can help). But personally, I always feel like I'm taking someone's spot. They only have so many people to answer phones, what if someone needs them more then me. And then there's I'm either going to do it or not. If I'm going to contact them then I'm not going to do, if I'm not gonna do it why contact them. If I'm going to do it then I'm definitely not going to contact them. Plus there's the fact they can't help me. I can't see a therapist. I'm better off not talking because NO ONE has any idea what to do with me. Going to psych without it being 100% my choice won't help.

I asked my non bio bro, he said that he'd call as soon as he started thinking about calling them and I said "oh, well.... That was several months ago"

The cons HIGHLY outweigh the pros, so I just deal with things alone. I just wait for it to change to a different pain.

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

I can't find a reason to message them. Suicide/depression = contact, I'm sure basically anything goes and it wouldn't surprise me that people are calling for trivial reasons because people cry and are "depressed" about everything (I mean no offense to anyone and honestly can't even think of a good example because if your brain is that foggy, even if the reason is small and stupid for calling, the call can help). But personally, I always feel like I'm taking someone's spot. They only have so many people to answer phones, what if someone needs them more then me. And then there's I'm either going to do it or not. If I'm going to contact them then I'm not going to do, if I'm not gonna do it why contact them. If I'm going to do it then I'm definitely not going to contact them. Plus there's the fact they can't help me. I can't see a therapist. I'm better off not talking because NO ONE has any idea what to do with me. Going to psych without it being 100% my choice won't help.

I asked my non bio bro, he said that he'd call as soon as he started thinking about calling them and I said "oh, well.... That was several months ago"

The cons HIGHLY outweigh the pros, so I just deal with things alone. I just wait for it to change to a different pain.

I agree with all of this

 

[Life_and_Death]

I agree with all of this

(should probably take my own advice but) if you're thinking about contacting them then you should. Not enough is kinda funny. (wanting to die aside) if you had cancer you'd want to find it asap so it can be fixed, not leave it last minute. So why leave depression to the last minute? My non bio bro is probably right, if you're thinking about contacting them you should, even if you're not about to jump but just sitting there crying. Why wait until that crying turns to jumping when you could have already called

 

[Irrelevant biologist]

(should probably take my own advice but) if you're thinking about contacting them then you should. Not enough is kinda funny. (wanting to die aside) if you had cancer you'd want to find it asap so it can be fixed, not leave it last minute. So why leave depression to the last minute? My non bio bro is probably right, if you're thinking about contacting them you should, even if you're not about to jump but just sitting there crying. Why wait until that crying turns to jumping when you could have already called

You and I both know, the helpline isn't exactly helpful. You are correct, people who truly want to ctb will not call. If you do call not only were you not going to go thru with things but now you have the mental health police over your shoulder. I've been there. Not helpful in the least.

My dad had cancer. No one should ever ask for cancer it is a horrible way to go. That said I truly would not seek help if I was to have it. No reason to.

 

[Life_and_Death]

You and I both know, the helpline isn't exactly helpful. You are correct, people who truly want to ctb will not call. If you do call not only were you not going to go thru with things but now you have the mental health police over your shoulder. I've been there. Not helpful in the least.

Correct it has its problems, but I don't get the feeling that people actually deal with it. Granted the people calling aren't mentally in a good place and that would make it difficult however, if no one tries to fix it, if no one tells them "this isn't helping try...." without it turning into a bitchfest, then it won't get fixed. It has the capability of improving if they know how to, but it seems like no one bothers communicating, just complaining.

 

[outatime_85]

so I just deal with things alone. I just wait for it to change to a different pain.

I have been using this thought process for a very long time, and I'm not sure where it's taking me or how it will end for me.