DeadnDusted
Attendre et espérer
- Jun 17, 2026
- 48
Ive been feeling actively suicidal for the past three years. Main thing thats been holding me off was hope that things would get better, they didnt, they only got worse. But what did change was my tolerance for my circumstances as well as desensitization. Which in my view does not necessarily count as healing.
Eventually I realized that Ive been mentally jerking off to the idea of suicide more than anything. Whether I'll do it or not is something I honestly don't know, which is why I decided to step down from the site. For me, joining it was basically some sort of survival strategy that helped me keep postponing it indefinitely. I also think that this website actually ironically helps people keep living.
At this point I don't know what I am going to do with my life so I decided to just sit down and see whatever happens. It's like, whatever, if I am to die, whether by my own hand or not I may not even realize it by the time it happens, let alone actively plan it which I've proven myself to be bad at because survival mechanisms simply don't care about one's intellectual convictions.
At the very least if there's one thing I can control it's to never bring another being that can potentially be driven to feel the same way I did, or experience even worse fates as millions of people do every single day.
Anyhow, goodbye everyone! Hope y'all find your own way, one way or another.
Eventually I realized that Ive been mentally jerking off to the idea of suicide more than anything. Whether I'll do it or not is something I honestly don't know, which is why I decided to step down from the site. For me, joining it was basically some sort of survival strategy that helped me keep postponing it indefinitely. I also think that this website actually ironically helps people keep living.
At this point I don't know what I am going to do with my life so I decided to just sit down and see whatever happens. It's like, whatever, if I am to die, whether by my own hand or not I may not even realize it by the time it happens, let alone actively plan it which I've proven myself to be bad at because survival mechanisms simply don't care about one's intellectual convictions.
At the very least if there's one thing I can control it's to never bring another being that can potentially be driven to feel the same way I did, or experience even worse fates as millions of people do every single day.
Anyhow, goodbye everyone! Hope y'all find your own way, one way or another.
Take care
