Help Leaving instructions- helpful or more stressful?

[mapletree]

Is it considered good form to leave instructions to the people left behind as to what they should do with your body belongings etc? I hate the idea of imposing stuff on my family who will probably not be having a great time, and I have no particular attachment to whatever happens (aside from organ donation, which I will not budge on)...but on the other hand, if they are confused or paralyzed emotionally afterwards would leaving a guide be helpful and phrasing it as more of a guide than a set of hard and fast times wishes be best for them so they don't have to debate or think too much?

Basically I realize I won't be in a position to really care, but I want to do what's best for my few family members who will have to deal with what comes after, and I don't want them to think they need to do something one way or the other (for example, the stigma is immense, and they shouldn't feel pressured to have a public memorial or anything unless THEY want to)...what are some thoughts on this?

 

[Ghost2211]

You can't organ donation after suicide. As far as what to do with your body and all the other things it's really up to you and your personality if you wish to make requests, but I would not expect them to be fulfilled. Personally I will only leave a note stating my reasons, and let those around me decide what to do with all the possessions.

 

[Deleted member 1496]

in talking with those who deal with the terminally ill patients, having information and anything else prepared is very useful. the documentation helps the family since they don't need to make urgent decisions at a stressful time. wills require two witness signatures (i.e., you don't need notarization); funeral arrangements include which funeral home will transport and store your body, whether you want burial or cremation, where you want your crypt or niche to be, whether you want open or closed casket, which casket or urn to buy, etc.; and beneficiary forms on bank accounts only require you to fill out a form to say who gets what, so hopefully, there's less inheritance fighting.

 

[Dookieshoes]

Is it considered good form to leave instructions to the people left behind as to what they should do with your body belongings etc? I hate the idea of imposing stuff on my family who will probably not be having a great time, and I have no particular attachment to whatever happens (aside from organ donation, which I will not budge on)...but on the other hand, if they are confused or paralyzed emotionally afterwards would leaving a guide be helpful and phrasing it as more of a guide than a set of hard and fast times wishes be best for them so they don't have to debate or think too much?

Basically I realize I won't be in a position to really care, but I want to do what's best for my few family members who will have to deal with what comes after, and I don't want them to think they need to do something one way or the other (for example, the stigma is immense, and they shouldn't feel pressured to have a public memorial or anything unless THEY want to)...what are some thoughts on this?

I think that depending on the situation that could be really helpful. Especially if you have significant money or assets left behind. You specifically mention helping them make decisions while they're otherwise wrought with emotion, I think this is a very thoughtful thing to do.

 

[mapletree]

You can't organ donation after suicide. As far as what to do with your body and all the other things it's really up to you and your personality if you wish to make requests, but I would not expect them to be fulfilled. Personally I will only leave a note stating my reasons, and let those around me decide what to do with all the possessions.

I don't particularly care if they are followed. I just don't want my mom to sit there agonizing over what to do or what I would have wanted. They could toss me in the potters field or whatever the state does with unclaimed bodies I wouldn't mind. It's mostly just because I want to spare agony of decision making and what would she want etc for my mom. I mean ideally she's pissed off and doesn't give a shit (seriously, I would prefer that to being sad and devastated) and they just cremate me or do whatever, it's less about wanting something specific done and more about not making the people left do any extra work on my behalf (but not stopping them from doing what they want if something brings them peace)

 

[woxihuanni]

To me it looks like it would be helpful to leave instructions. Cannot think of any arguments why not.

 

[mapletree]

To me it looks like it would be helpful to leave instructions. Cannot think of any arguments why not.

I don't want them to feel pressured into doing stuff or to think that I'm trying to make them do particular shit when they may be having an absolutely terrible time (which I can't anticipate, I have no idea what it's going to be like for them, losing a parent early and seeing the chaos that came after a sudden death made me think though)

I guess I would have to word it very carefully. The purpose is to minimize psychological and social damage to the people left, not to stress them out or fuck then up more

 

[woxihuanni]

I don't want them to feel pressured into doing stuff or to think that I'm trying to make them do particular shit when they may be having an absolutely terrible time (which I can't anticipate, I have no idea what it's going to be like for them, losing a parent early and seeing the chaos that came after a sudden death made me think though)

I guess I would have to word it very carefully. The purpose is to minimize psychological and social damage to the people left, not to stress them out or fuck then up more

Suppose you can make that clear in the beginning of your instructions. You are very articulate, too.

 

[schopenh]

"I don't want them to feel pressured into doing stuff or to think that I'm trying to make them do particular shit when they may be having an absolutely terrible time (which I can't anticipate, I have no idea what it's going to be like for them, losing a parent early and seeing the chaos that came after a sudden death made me think though)"
As the person above has said, mention this in your letter. I have done basically this. I left instructions but made it clear that what really matters to me is that they do what they want to do and whatever makes the time the least stressful for them. Etc. Etc.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Really depends on the amount of things that will be left behind to deal, how important they are likely to be and what you want. If you are leaving any large amount of money or items with sentimental or monetary value it might be worth leaving instructions since dealing with these things with no idea what the deceased would have wanted may be stressful and cause conflict.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I just wrote a will which included what I wanted doing with my belongings and what kind of funeral I wanted. I also left some separate notes for urns I liked and passages I want read at my funeral.

 

[Nodscene]

In Canada you can also make a will that doesn't even require any witnesses. They are called Holographic Will's and are as legal as any other kind of will. I'd suggest writing something, there is really only a couple important things that need to be mentioned. Firstly who your executor of the will will be (which is important otherwise the gov gets involved and will make things harder for your family), second would be to mention that you leave all your possessions to someone to do with as they will, and lastly would be to mention what you want done with your body....even if you say you don't care it ensures that in also not another stressor for any family or friends or whomever.

It's not hard to write but you do require it written with specific things but nothing that will be difficult or take much time. Even if you don't own much of value it will just make things easier for those left behind that will have to deal with everything.

I'm sure you could write one in 5 or 10min and doesn't cost anything. Maybe do some research as you will get a better idea of why it's important to leave a valid will.

 

[rxleep]

The city I live in has a body donation program. They call it an "anatomical gift". Basically you're donated to the university for med students and such to study with. It's free to donate.

In Canada you can also make a will that doesn't even require any witnesses. They are called Holographic Will's and are as legal as any other kind of will. I'd suggest writing something, there is really only a couple important things that need to be mentioned. Firstly who your executor of the will will be (which is important otherwise the gov gets involved and will make things harder for your family), second would be to mention that you leave all your possessions to someone to do with as they will, and lastly would be to mention what you want done with your body....even if you say you don't care it ensures that in also not another stressor for any family or friends or whomever.

It's not hard to write but you do require it written with specific things but nothing that will be difficult or take much time. Even if you don't own much of value it will just make things easier for those left behind that will have to deal with everything.

I'm sure you could write one in 5 or 10min and doesn't cost anything. Maybe do some research as you will get a better idea of why it's important to leave a valid will.

I just asked my lawyer about wills. She said that even if you write your own will and get it notarized it still doesn't always hold up. I even asked about the will kits that are sold and she said no. She highly recommended having a lawyer do it. She wouldn't be saying this for personal gain since she doesn't do wills herself.