Venting leaving friends ｡⁠:ﾟ⁠(⁠;⁠´⁠∩⁠`⁠;⁠)ﾟ⁠: ｡

[icecrunch]

about a month ago i realized i was suicidal and recently just accepted it and feel a lot calmer about it now, one of my biggest reasons of hesitation is leaving my dear online friends that i've been with for almost 7 years now. they're the only ppl in my life that actually love me and i love them back n i think my childhood was great because of them and i have so many cherished moments that i'm grateful for, even our arguments. i told them the truth a few weeks ago and it didn't go really well we argued a lot and they just didn't understand and it made me so frustrated but it was to be expected since ik they've never had to deal with this kinda thing before (even resulted in me losing one of them which i'll prob make another post about lol), compared to me they're very privileged and have the life that i would kill for since a good portion of my suffering comes from the fact that i'm underprivileged in the worst way possible. they don't understand but i still love them so much and i know they are worried for me and will hurt so much when i'm gone but unfortunately they're not enough of a reason for me to keep going anymore especially the fact that we only communicate through a small screen. n lately i've been thinking about how and where i'm gonna write my final message and it's always a painful reminder, we mostly communicate on insta rn so i've been thinking of posting an insta story for them to see and finally realize that i'm gone, and that thought alone makes me HURT that i have to make them go through this kind of thing but it'll eventually happen anyway. i feel like making it lighthearted despite the severity of the situation i just want them to take it lightly somehow. I also live with 2 family members and even tho I don't have any sorta emotional connection to them and kinda hate them but I still care for them like I care for any other human being and hate the idea of them having to witness another family member's death and see my corpse. I'm afraid of causing another suicide after this especially for my mom since she's been so miserable and has shown signs of suicidal behavior and it pains me to do that to somebody,,,
I personally believe in the possibility of reincarnation so I really hope there'd be something that would attract me and guide me to meet my lovely friends again in my next life if that's even possible,,TT

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm glad your able to find peace in knowing that you will die via your hands, I can't say life will get better cause I don't know, but I hope your able to find peace in life or death

 

[Stargazing:<]

As someone who also come from a underprivileged life I understand where you're coming from, especially when trying to explain your situation to people who just had more than you. I wish that things were better, but if they were we wouldn't be on this site. I truly do hope you find your friends again in the next life

 

[The anhedonic one]

Telling people how you feel about being suicidal is usually always a bad idea. Unless someone has actually been suicidal themselves, they will never be able to understand a suicidal person.
It's so tragic that we are never able to tell others about how we are really feeling.
Yet, whatever you decide to do I hope you find peace.

 

[icecrunch]

Telling people how you feel about being suicidal is usually always a bad idea. Unless someone has actually been suicidal themselves, they will never be able to understand a suicidal person.
It's so tragic that we are never able to tell others about how we are really feeling.
Yet, whatever you decide to do I hope you find peace.

definetly :( but I kinda had to tell them because i felt like it'd be even more cruel to just pop a suicide note out of nowhere and leave them not only devastated but also confused, not to mention misunderstandings that i wouldn't be able to clear up so I have to build it up until i finally do it it makes me feel less guilty for sure

 

[The anhedonic one]

definetly :( but I kinda had to tell them because i felt like it'd be even more cruel to just pop a suicide note out of nowhere and leave them not only devastated but also confused, not to mention misunderstandings that i wouldn't be able to clear up so I have to build it up until i finally do it it makes me feel less guilty for sure

It's, ok I understand you. Doing this proves you are a kind hearted person. I hate it so much when good people like yourself are driven to the edge by this cruel and dreadful world.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it when it comes to wanting to die, most non-suicidal people won't even try to understand, but anyway after all only the individual knows what's best for themselves when it comes to leaving this world, other people cannot experience existence in the same way so I think that their opinions shouldn't matter. But anyway I wish you the best.