Venting Learning to drive is going to be the death of me

[PalOnTheSteppe]

I'm learning to drive in my 20's and it's the most nerve-wracking, humiliating experience and every time I attempt it I swear I get closer to falling off the horse and breaking my sobriety.

I know the rules of the road, I have a modicum of respect for public safety, but god damn I am just not good at it and it kills me. My eyes glaze around the road but they don't absorb any information. I check my mirrors and blindspots but I don't see anything. I see signs and I would know how to interface with them if my brain could recognize them when they're in front of me. I feel like a spectre floating through the streets, ending up at my destination with no memory of how I got there.

I need to drive with somebody who has a full license in order to get practice in, but my geriatric parents have no interest in teaching me, and my current driving instructor barely hides his disdain for my inability to pick up on basic strategies and tools. So not only do I feel stupid and incapable, but I also feel like a liability to public life itself. It makes me want to scream with how the system seems designed to remind me how lonely I am, pointing out my incompetence and how expensive instructors are.

Every session of driving practice I come home and I just shake and cry and replay every moment I could have maimed somebody or missed a blind-spot check. I used to think about CTB all the time, but it was usually paired with my drinking so I quit. Now, every time I come home after driving, thoughts of drinking and CTB are all I think about it's so overwhelming.

I wish I didn't have to learn how to drive and put everybody else at risk. But I have family that lives in a rural community that I'll be expected to visit, and I live in a joke country that barely invests in public transportation.
(Apologies if this more appropriate for the off-topic forum).

 

[Kamaainakupua]

You're in the right place. You obviously are recovering from "Driver's Education Syndrome", and just in time...
I didn't get my driver's license until I was 21, because I needed it for work. I was still in Hawai'i at the time, so my license sort of looked like my profile picture. And, yeah, it was terrifying, but I got through it. One of my co-workers even taught me how to drive a stick in his sports car, which I used to rear end someone in line at a fast-food drive-thru.
There's a reason insurance rates are so much higher until you hit 25, lol
(p.s. that whole thinking of drinking and driving will eliminate the need to catch the bus, as you imply in the thread title)

 

[BeanCurd]

I feel like this is not spoken about nearly enough! Driving is a big deal, and people make out like it's not dangerous, hard, or scary. I totally get you.

I know the rules of the road, I have a modicum of respect for public safety, but god damn I am just not good at it and it kills me. My eyes glaze around the road but they don't absorb any information. I check my mirrors and blindspots but I don't see anything. I see signs and I would know how to interface with them if my brain could recognize them when they're in front of me. I feel like a spectre floating through the streets, ending up at my destination with no memory of how I got there.

Practice can of course help with this. But also, have you considered speaking to a doctor about it? I have similar experiences in a range of settings, and people have speculated as to whether I may have ADHD and/or a processing disorder. It's not something I'm ready to pursue yet so I don't know for sure, but just sharing in case it's helpful :)