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deathisnear

Experienced
May 23, 2021
284
Well, it's arrived and not for the first time, my last month of life. You see, I've set dates before and for some reason or another, they weren't able to be followed, but not this time. But I've worked through a lot of it, cleared the way for my CTB this month and I'm not giving a fuck who can't handle it anymore. I need this for me, I've needed this for me, the depression, the anxiety, that's been eating me alive. It's going to finally be over. I'm going to finally be at peace. The last few weeks of my life aren't going to be anything special, it will be the same old shit, and I am going to be very careful not to be any different than I ever was as to not raise flags. Yes, it's finally wrapping up, finally I will be dead and at peace and I've never looked forward to anything more.
 
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rationaltake

rationaltake

I'm rocking it - in another universe
Sep 28, 2021
2,707
I'm sorry it's come to this but I understand.
 
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Darkover

Darkover

Archangel
Jul 29, 2021
5,653
good luck may you find the peace you are looking for
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,315
I understand that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. Death is also the only thing that I look forward to, this life is so dreadful. More than anything I wish I never existed. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
 
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LoneMisery

LoneMisery

Student
Jan 23, 2022
125
I hope this is my last month as well. I almost throw up every time i think about it. But i cant go on anymore i just cant stay alive and feel guilty for doing it anymore
 
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Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,205
Well, it's arrived and not for the first time, my last month of life. You see, I've set dates before and for some reason or another, they weren't able to be followed, but not this time. But I've worked through a lot of it, cleared the way for my CTB this month and I'm not giving a fuck who can't handle it anymore. I need this for me, I've needed this for me, the depression, the anxiety, that's been eating me alive. It's going to finally be over. I'm going to finally be at peace. The last few weeks of my life aren't going to be anything special, it will be the same old shit, and I am going to be very careful not to be any different than I ever was as to not raise flags. Yes, it's finally wrapping up, finally I will be dead and at peace and I've never looked forward to anything more.
What has arrived? You never said.
 
Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,205
His last month of life.
Oh, I read it wrong. I was very tired at the time. I hope he finds peace and contentment. Its certainly no easy decision to make but every individual will know when they have had enough.
 
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katagiri83

katagiri83

Like tears in rain
Jan 4, 2022
119
The dreads and angsts and apprehension in the preparation for CTB is the unbearable part, especially in the trough of depression / physical illness.
 
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A

allthebrightplaces

Member
Feb 21, 2022
19
Well, it's arrived and not for the first time, my last month of life. You see, I've set dates before and for some reason or another, they weren't able to be followed, but not this time. But I've worked through a lot of it, cleared the way for my CTB this month and I'm not giving a fuck who can't handle it anymore. I need this for me, I've needed this for me, the depression, the anxiety, that's been eating me alive. It's going to finally be over. I'm going to finally be at peace. The last few weeks of my life aren't going to be anything special, it will be the same old shit, and I am going to be very careful not to be any different than I ever was as to not raise flags. Yes, it's finally wrapping up, finally I will be dead and at peace and I've never looked forward to anything more.
I hope that you find peace. I wish that for myself as well. Although i doubt this will be my last month but hopefully it will be my last year.
 
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D

deathisnear

Experienced
May 23, 2021
284
Thank you everyone. I appreciate all of your kind words. It's not easy, SI can be a bitch, depression/anxiety is a bitch, preparing to do this is a bitch, but it must be done. There is no cure for the emptiness I feel, except death. I cannot wait to finally be at peace, something I have yearned for and needed for so long. In the next few weeks barring anything coming in my way, I will finally have that. I wish you all peace as well.
 
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