Discussion Known anyone who has killed themselves?

[Trisolaris]

I know two people who killed themselves. I envy them.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

No one I've known in real life as far as I am aware has done it though I do know of some people's attempts.

 

[Symbiote]

Had a club friend who died, hanged himself from a ceiling fan. No one saw it coming, he was cheerful and excited, went to Denny's for hangover breakfast, said his goodbyes, and same evening his roommates found him hanging.

Another club friend of mine killed himself because his parents disowned him for being gay, even after he served two tours in Afghanistan, he came out when he got back to the states. Very charismatic person, could charm his way into anyone's life, but was really humble and gentle dude. He hanged himself.

Every year, our nightclub does a remembrance service for them and share good times.

 

[Last chance]

Yes a friend of mine hung himself. I felt so guilty for not seeing the signs and helping him more it really got to me. A month of so later I found out that before he CTB he had been sleeping with my girlfriend behind my back. I felt stupid for feeling guilty for not helping him more and like a bad person for feeling angry with him.

 

[ixkitty]

My ex Fiance, also known as my partner in crime, used a gun on himself. He was the nicest person ever and I literally saw him give a homeless guy the very shirt he was wearing because it was cold. He sacrificed his very last to someone who wasn't worthy of his love and in the end it destroyed him.

 

[Final Escape]

Amazingly I never lost anyone close to suicide probably because I have no family and I didn't ever form enduring relationships. I know of pple who I knew that died but not by suicide unless it was covered up saying it was something else.

 

[W’ren]

Yes, a dear friend i grew up with, rip. I will never forget her smile or the way she lit up a room.

Also a young man i was inpatient with (rip). He got the idea to jump off of somewhere on the hospital property from me- we had been talking about stupid things we had done in a group and I had said that i had tried that (which i had) and survived. (Obviously since i was there).

I felt- and still feel- horribly guilty about it. The drs all were in this room and they had me come in and grilled me about every conversation i'd had with the man. This while i was grieving.

I checked myself out of treatment that day. I couldn't bear being practically accused of being an active part of his death- :-(

And there was one other who did it while i was inpatient another time but he was an acquaintance... i didn't really know him. Rip.

 

[Bedrock48]

My neighbour (and friend for a few months). He went missing and a few days later I was informed he had died. Was never outright told it was suicide but given his previous attempt and word from other neighbours it was pretty clear what happened. Drug overdose (likely heroin) seems to have been the cause.
I have many regrets, from the warning signs that I missed to the fact I feel like I didn't ask him enough questions about who he was and what he wanted from life. Miss him like hell but I ultimately respect his decision as he was really struggling living as a 'normal' citizen. I just feel very lucky I was pretty much the only person over those few months that got to see the cheeky and kind human under the barrier he created around himself.

Cheers, [redacted]!

 

[Final Escape]

Yes, my ex killed himself after we broke up

Mine is overdo but I've wanted to die over a breakup for a long time. In a way I'm glad I'm doing it long after so if by the off chance he discovered that I did it he won't assume it was over him. I wouldn't want him to think he was the sole cause of my premature exit. Really I'm not sure why I care, it doesn't matter anyway why or what they think.

 

[Birthinjune]

My fiance recently, which is why I'm here

 

[muffin222]

My fiance recently, which is why I'm here

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even fathom the pain you must be in

 

[SadJessu]

Two.

A friend of my cousin who I barely knew, killed himself at 14 or 15 over some girl who cheated on him. Taped a tube from the exhaust pipe of his truck to the drivers window.

And a childhood friend, killed himself in his early 20s while at university. Apparently he was struggling with substance abuse, failing grades, and his girlfriend leaving him. He OD'd on Ambien and some various other drugs, both illegal and prescription, plus alcohol.

 

[grungeCat]

Two people. My friends.

 

[ashedout]

Several friends and family members over the years. At this point I expect that phone call at least once a year. Most were hanging and a few were overdoses. I'm not sure I every really got used to it but I have the grief routine down.

 

[wordsonscreen]

Several friends and family members over the years. At this point I expect that phone call at least once a year. Most were hanging and a few were overdoses. I'm not sure I every really got used to it but I have the grief routine down.

This sounds hard.. I'm very sorry. What is your "grief routine" like, if you dont mind me asking?

 

[ashedout]

This sounds hard.. I'm very sorry. What is your "grief routine" like, if you dont mind me asking?

No worries this will be long lol sorry!

The first key factor for me is knowing that I will survive it. I hate it and I hate hearing it and in the middle of it I don't actually believe it. But it's true (I hate that it's true even now). I've done it enough times I know what to expect going in.

The next key factor is controlling the narrative and flow of information. Loss and grief make people uncomfortable. There isn't a right thing to say when someone suffers a significant loss but there are a lot of wrong things and I lost patience for it over the years. This sounds so mean but for people in my real life, grief cards and sympathy texts from them are more to make them feel like they are doing something or helping and that makes THEM feel better (doesn't apply to internet strangers/friends). I just don't tell people when I suffer a loss nowadays. But honestly that might be my own issue :P

Final key factor is I have a therapist that specializes in trauma and grief through EMDR therapy.

The first day is initial shock and I can push through that easy. I've written important exams, worked full days, driven long distances, and all sorts of crap. I know once I get that phone call, I need to get all my ducks in a row before going to bed because the next few weeks will be a struggle. Sleep never comes easy so sleeping pills are a must.

The next 2-4 days are numb. Still go to work and do whatever I need to be doing. I will "watch" dozens of movies and tv shows (at 2x speed because I'm not actually really absorbing what I'm seeing anyways) and it's just passing the time. The thing about grief is that your world has stopped with the loss of whoever it was but the actual world keeps going. So I need reminders that time is passing and so Netflix is where it's at.

Day 5-7 is probably the first time I will feel the loss and cry and it will be awful. There's nothing quite like it. I try to purposely trigger that on a weekend or a time where I will be alone.

Day 8 to month whatever is all the bad stuff. I have no patience for anything, a short fuse, and I literally just do not care about a single thing. During this time, I will need accountability. My therapist does check in emails for me so I know I have to stick around for that as we work towards an EMDR protocol. I will force myself to make plans (dumb stuff like going to grocery store with my brother or something) that I have to keep. I will still go to work and do my accountability stuff but all other minutes in the day, I am literally in my bed with a Netflix marathon or a Twitch stream going to pass the time. I try not to make any major decisions during this time.

Final step in routine is keep going. Keep making the dumb plans, keep showing up to therapy no matter how much I dread it, keep stumbling along at work, and then suddenly 2 months has passed and it doesn't hurt as much to breathe. Eventually something is funny again. At some point a friend reaching out is nice to hear from instead of a nuisance. I actually want to read a book instead of mindlessly watching Netflix. But this also comes with the realization that just because it's better, it doesn't mean its okay. Your baseline might have moved a couple notches lower. You just kinda keep living with it though. And maybe eventually you won't but who am I to say anything about that.

 

[wordsonscreen]

No worries this will be long lol sorry!

The first key factor for me is knowing that I will survive it. I hate it and I hate hearing it and in the middle of it I don't actually believe it. But it's true (I hate that it's true even now). I've done it enough times I know what to expect going in.

The next key factor is controlling the narrative and flow of information. Loss and grief make people uncomfortable. There isn't a right thing to say when someone suffers a significant loss but there are a lot of wrong things and I lost patience for it over the years. This sounds so mean but for people in my real life, grief cards and sympathy texts from them are more to make them feel like they are doing something or helping and that makes THEM feel better (doesn't apply to internet strangers/friends). I just don't tell people when I suffer a loss nowadays. But honestly that might be my own issue :P

Final key factor is I have a therapist that specializes in trauma and grief through EMDR therapy.

The first day is initial shock and I can push through that easy. I've written important exams, worked full days, driven long distances, and all sorts of crap. I know once I get that phone call, I need to get all my ducks in a row before going to bed because the next few weeks will be a struggle. Sleep never comes easy so sleeping pills are a must.

The next 2-4 days are numb. Still go to work and do whatever I need to be doing. I will "watch" dozens of movies and tv shows (at 2x speed because I'm not actually really absorbing what I'm seeing anyways) and it's just passing the time. The thing about grief is that your world has stopped with the loss of whoever it was but the actual world keeps going. So I need reminders that time is passing and so Netflix is where it's at.

Day 5-7 is probably the first time I will feel the loss and cry and it will be awful. There's nothing quite like it. I try to purposely trigger that on a weekend or a time where I will be alone.

Day 8 to month whatever is all the bad stuff. I have no patience for anything, a short fuse, and I literally just do not care about a single thing. During this time, I will need accountability. My therapist does check in emails for me so I know I have to stick around for that as we work towards an EMDR protocol. I will force myself to make plans (dumb stuff like going to grocery store with my brother or something) that I have to keep. I will still go to work and do my accountability stuff but all other minutes in the day, I am literally in my bed with a Netflix marathon or a Twitch stream going to pass the time. I try not to make any major decisions during this time.

Final step in routine is keep going. Keep making the dumb plans, keep showing up to therapy no matter how much I dread it, keep stumbling along at work, and then suddenly 2 months has passed and it doesn't hurt as much to breathe. Eventually something is funny again. At some point a friend reaching out is nice to hear from instead of a nuisance. I actually want to read a book instead of mindlessly watching Netflix. But this also comes with the realization that just because it's better, it doesn't mean its okay. Your baseline might have moved a couple notches lower. You just kinda keep living with it though. And maybe eventually you won't but who am I to say anything about that.

This sounds really painful and feels a little hard to read because I worry others will go through this after I exit. Thank you for sharing <3

 

[NormaJeane]

A guy I use to talk to who taught me the ropes of living in my car when I first became homeless. Didn't find out until the next day but before going into work on the day he CTB, I sat in my car and said aloud to myself, "today is going to be a weird day." I normally feel when things are off or when people I had a deeper connection to leave the earth.

No, I have never known anyone who have killed themselves, but I read about it all the time in the newspapers.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

My brother (suïcide by cop) just over 2 years ago.

A friend (sn) February 2020

 

[Some1's_Wasted_Fetus]

One of my distant friends did. We weren't in a close friend group but we both shared a summer camp friend group during the summer so we were closer then.
Anyway, she had talked briefly about her anxiety. Every-time we'd talk to her she was on edge. I was probably a sophomore in high school. Nobody pointed it out because we knew that pointing out that someone is anxious makes them feel even worse. But she was always nice to me. She had a boyfriend at the time but I still had a small crush on her. Any who, when it came to locker night just before the start of Junior year I had gotten word from a facebook post made by one of her friends that she had taken her life. I got multiple stories so idk which was true but apparently she hung herself using a bedsheet (partial, using a bedsheet I imagine).

I was so surprised at the time but looking back I now see the signs. She reminds me so much of my current self. Anxious but bottling it up, reluctant to hangout with people, always wanting to be alone, etc.

(I know this is fucked up) but I'm honestly jealous of her. She took her life at the end of her freshman year and she probably knew that her life wasn't worth living if she was suffering that much at age 14 or 15. I wish I would've ctb'd much sooner like she did tbh. She wasn't forced to go through the pain of adult life and I hope she was able to find peace. The school did a memorial for her but everyone seemed to forget about her shortly after unfortunately :(

 

[sunnyflower]

My son, last year. He was 12 and I have thought about it everyday since. I used to love life, but a big part of who I was died with him. I hardly have the will to do anything. Sometimes I stay in his bed for days. Every day is a day closer to being with him. I just want to die peacefully and I know that is a hard to accomplish.

This is exactly how I feel I also lost my son! I just want to be with him

 

[Meditation guide]

A guy killed himself by slamming into a tree in his car, which happened right in front of me as I was driving down the road. He came screeching across my road from a sidestreet which had been blocked off, he crashed right through the barriers at high speed, passed right in front of me missing hitting my car broadside by a hair and crossed in front of me and his car flew across the train tracks and smashed into a huge tree. In spite of the airbag, he died instantly. It happened in about tenth of a second, he was going so fast. It was almost like a blur. I had to stop and get out and go look at his car and body to make sure I really saw it. I was in shock.

I saw the next day in a small local paper a man saying his son committed suicide in his grandmother's car after an argument. He was 16.

If I had been a hair in front of where I was, he would have slammed into the driver's side of my car instead of the tree.

 

[Killia]

Aunt, when I was a child. For years I was told it was an accident, it wasn't until recent that I found out it was an intentional overdose, very shortly after the first and only time I had seen her in person. Ate my family up.

 

[hfdepression30]

I've known of people who were suicidal, but never really 'known' anyone who killed themselves. The closest I could say was my dad's cousin who jumped in front of a train, but I had only met her once when I was around 10 years old so I never really knew her as such.

 

[mini_weeny]

No worries this will be long lol sorry!

The first key factor for me is knowing that I will survive it. I hate it and I hate hearing it and in the middle of it I don't actually believe it. But it's true (I hate that it's true even now). I've done it enough times I know what to expect going in.

The next key factor is controlling the narrative and flow of information. Loss and grief make people uncomfortable. There isn't a right thing to say when someone suffers a significant loss but there are a lot of wrong things and I lost patience for it over the years. This sounds so mean but for people in my real life, grief cards and sympathy texts from them are more to make them feel like they are doing something or helping and that makes THEM feel better (doesn't apply to internet strangers/friends). I just don't tell people when I suffer a loss nowadays. But honestly that might be my own issue :P

Final key factor is I have a therapist that specializes in trauma and grief through EMDR therapy.

The first day is initial shock and I can push through that easy. I've written important exams, worked full days, driven long distances, and all sorts of crap. I know once I get that phone call, I need to get all my ducks in a row before going to bed because the next few weeks will be a struggle. Sleep never comes easy so sleeping pills are a must.

The next 2-4 days are numb. Still go to work and do whatever I need to be doing. I will "watch" dozens of movies and tv shows (at 2x speed because I'm not actually really absorbing what I'm seeing anyways) and it's just passing the time. The thing about grief is that your world has stopped with the loss of whoever it was but the actual world keeps going. So I need reminders that time is passing and so Netflix is where it's at.

Day 5-7 is probably the first time I will feel the loss and cry and it will be awful. There's nothing quite like it. I try to purposely trigger that on a weekend or a time where I will be alone.

Day 8 to month whatever is all the bad stuff. I have no patience for anything, a short fuse, and I literally just do not care about a single thing. During this time, I will need accountability. My therapist does check in emails for me so I know I have to stick around for that as we work towards an EMDR protocol. I will force myself to make plans (dumb stuff like going to grocery store with my brother or something) that I have to keep. I will still go to work and do my accountability stuff but all other minutes in the day, I am literally in my bed with a Netflix marathon or a Twitch stream going to pass the time. I try not to make any major decisions during this time.

Final step in routine is keep going. Keep making the dumb plans, keep showing up to therapy no matter how much I dread it, keep stumbling along at work, and then suddenly 2 months has passed and it doesn't hurt as much to breathe. Eventually something is funny again. At some point a friend reaching out is nice to hear from instead of a nuisance. I actually want to read a book instead of mindlessly watching Netflix. But this also comes with the realization that just because it's better, it doesn't mean its okay. Your baseline might have moved a couple notches lower. You just kinda keep living with it though. And maybe eventually you won't but who am I to say anything about that.

Love this how to deal with grief guide, wish I had it before! No need to read entire books about it, the answer is right here. Can't you send me this note telepathically to 2 years ago? It would have saved me from ending up here.
My neighbor also told me, life goes on and it does except when u self harm so badly that u end up here and you are stuck in the not being able to have a life phase forever.

 

[Dutchyala]

Yes, I know four people who killed themselves. My father (depression because of mourning), a friend of my parents (same as my father), a sister of a childhood friend (no one knows why), a friend of my friend (religious family pressing him for being gay).

 

[Kvotheloner]

I was stationed in Alaska for 5 years while in the military, and was there for 5 suicides. Three of people I knew around town (civilian) and two people in my unit. Also had two close high school friends take their life.

 

[FreeAngel]

My best friend died from an overdose of pills

 

[Ednospatient]

My best friend died from an overdose of pills

Do you know which pills he/she used?

 

[Ch92921]

My best friend died from an overdose of pills

What a fool to chose this OD methode.