Killing others. Please help. Cry for help.

[GreenTree]

I hate the fact you can try as hard as possible to make the world a better place and still end up fucked. I want to die to stop myself from harming others and have told psychiatrist and care coordinator this and they just say its only thoughts. Well fuck me I'm getting strong urges to harm others and am desperately telling them. I want to die but failed so many times. Been in psych wards loads of times. I'd happily take a drug to kill myself like N. Trying to do the right thing. Shall I phone the police if I think im going to harm or kill someone. I'd sacrifice myself for the greater good. I'd jump off a building or infront a train but my SI is too strong for those methods. They scare me. I'm also scared if ending back in a psych ward if I fail a hanging again. PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T TAKE THOUGHTS OF KILLING.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Please don't harm anyone. If you're not getting the help you need, there definitely is some kind of disconnect and problem. I don't know what else you could do if you feel uncontrollable urges to harm someone other than to report yourself. You may very well end up in a psyche ward again if you do, but it would be a sacrifice from you to not hurt anyone. You've certainly got a really tough situation to deal with. I hope you can get the help you need.

 

[GreenTree]

Thank you locked and loaded. I reported myself to a psych ward a year ago and told them all the same thoughts. I had to leave as I was worried I'd kill patients. I'm honest too all the professional staff and they still release me. I can't cope no more. Trying to protect person who'd find me dead Trying to protect family, I got a daughter for fucks sake, Trying to protect society. I need to be off this planet. There is no correct thing to do. I need to be dead for the greater good. Euthanasia should be legal for the greater good. If I die yes there will be collateral damage and my family will be devastated but if I'm alive there's a risk I will kill and make it a million times worse. I need to die. I hope the police are spying on this website.

 

[Tulip<3]

Hey, these thoughts must be really exhausting and sound relentless. Are they fairly new thoughts/urges to hurt other people? It sounds like you actually don't want to do it which is why the thoughts are so distressing.
I just wondered if they are linked to anything like OCD or any other mental illness. But if you feel like you are going to, definitely call for help instead.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

 

[front of me]

Can you talk to your psychiatrist or one of your family?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you are being extremely responsible and I'm appalled at the response you are getting. These thoughts aren't your fault but I agree- you need to be helped to prevent you from acting on them. I'd say contacting the police would be necessary if you feel out of control and liable to hurt someone. If they fail to respond- it's their fault. You're doing all you can to try and keep other people safe. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to try and live with those thoughts.

 

[GreenTree]

I think you are being extremely responsible and I'm appalled at the response you are getting. These thoughts aren't your fault but I agree- you need to be helped to prevent you from acting on them. I'd say contacting the police would be necessary if you feel out of control and liable to hurt someone. If they fail to respond- it's their fault. You're doing all you can to try and keep other people safe. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to try and live with those thoughts.

Thank you for your kind words. If worse comes to the worse I will have to phone police. So scared of being sectioned though. I hate those hospitals. I really want to die but 1 in 25 chance of success puts that option as slim.

Hey, these thoughts must be really exhausting and sound relentless. Are they fairly new thoughts/urges to hurt other people? It sounds like you actually don't want to do it which is why the thoughts are so distressing.
I just wondered if they are linked to anything like OCD or any other mental illness. But if you feel like you are going to, definitely call for help instead.

I'm sorry you are going through this!

I've had these thoughts for a year now maybe more. No I don't want to do it. Never have. I'm just scared I will snap and do it. Thank you for replying.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Those thoughts must be so agonizing. I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's so awful. I'm sure if you call the police you'll end up in a psych ward or other kind of prison. What methods have you considered? Ofc not jumping and not train, that's too cruel and too much SI.

 

[jessisme]

I'm sorry that this is something you are struggling so much with, it must be really scary. Are you taking meds for these intrusive thoughts or engaging in other therapies? Has your psychiatrist been responsive in the past to your reports of fear of harming others? Why do you think they seem less responsive now? We are here to support you in this.
xo, j

 

[lachrymost]

I'm so sorry; it must be terrifying. I feel like it's impossible to distinguish harm OCD from ego-dystonic violent thoughts that are a legitimate threat. If one does act on said thoughts, is any harm OCD diagnosis retroactively rescinded? I've always wondered.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can and I can't think of anything that would make them listen or care. You are trying so hard.

 

[Costrecce]

I've had these thoughts for a year now maybe more. No I don't want to do it. Never have. I'm just scared I will snap and do it. Thank you for replying.

There is still a chance to get help and ease these thoughts. I used to have extremely violent and aggressive thoughts and plans about people for many years. I was also scared of doing something, and at some point I wasn't even scared, I wanted to do it. But I got rid of those thoughts and urges. Of course, I still get pretty agitated and annoyed at people, but I don't get these urges (I might think for a minute that I want to hurt someone, but then it just goes away). If it has been a year and you don't even want to do it, I think you still have a chance to get release from these thoughts.

 

[GreenTree]

Those thoughts must be so agonizing. I'm sorry you have to go through that. It's so awful. I'm sure if you call the police you'll end up in a psych ward or other kind of prison. What methods have you considered? Ofc not jumping and not train, that's too cruel and too much SI.

Tried hanging. Messed that up so lost confidence in that method. Ligature snapped. Police probably do nothing or send me too psych ward which is a prison I guess. I'm just trying to do right thing. It's seams there is no right thing but obviously I don't want to kill anyone.

I'm sorry that this is something you are struggling so much with, it must be really scary. Are you taking meds for these intrusive thoughts or engaging in other therapies? Has your psychiatrist been responsive in the past to your reports of fear of harming others? Why do you think they seem less responsive now? We are here to support you in this.
xo, j

I think psychiatrists are an overpaid waste of space. I've tried numerous meds. I've tried therapy. I think they've given up as there not going too see me anymore.

I'm so sorry; it must be terrifying. I feel like it's impossible to distinguish harm OCD from ego-dystonic violent thoughts that are a legitimate threat. If one does act on said thoughts, is any harm OCD diagnosis retroactively rescinded? I've always wondered.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can and I can't think of anything that would make them listen or care. You are trying so hard.

Thank you. Yes I'm trying, it's a terrible daily battle. I think it's ocd with potential to become reality. All I know is its horrible and God knows how it's gonna play out.

There is still a chance to get help and ease these thoughts. I used to have extremely violent and aggressive thoughts and plans about people for many years. I was also scared of doing something, and at some point I wasn't even scared, I wanted to do it. But I got rid of those thoughts and urges. Of course, I still get pretty agitated and annoyed at people, but I don't get these urges (I might think for a minute that I want to hurt someone, but then it just goes away). If it has been a year and you don't even want to do it, I think you still have a chance to get release from these thoughts.

I've tried loads of meds. About 20. Benzos only temporary relief I get. I'll either run in front a lorry which I don't want to do because of the drivers trauma or act on my thoughts. I just want death to avoid tradegy of others. Euthanasia really should be legal when someone's a danger to society and they know it. Trying to do the right thing by dying but the law won't allow it. All crazy really.

 

[borntosuffer]

I want to die to stop myself from harming others and have told psychiatrist and care coordinator this and they just say its only thoughts.

I'm in the same boat. I have gotten to the point where I started harming other living things, which I know is awful behavior.

 

[mzhrudean]

At least don't harm a cat or a dog if you have one :(

 

[GreenTree]

I'm in the same boat. I have gotten to the point where I started harming other living things, which I know is awful behavior.

Ah that's bad. You mean animals. Please try not too.

 

[TheRottingContinues]

Because you recognize the thoughts as a problem, it means that your self control is working

 

[sorrowful]

I'm sorry about your situation. I do not blame you, you didn't choose to have them and at least you are aware that they are wrong. We don't choose any of this simply we are forced into a tainted world. Everyone suffers in one way or another. Existence is the sin.

 

[cosifantutti]

It sounds like OCD to me. You're obsessively afraid of hurting someone. That must be absolutely horrible.

I've had an obsessive fear of suicide for years. It got to the point this year that I wanted to disable myself to stop me from doing something. For some reason I've managed to release the grip of these thoughts a bit.

I've tried loads of meds and lots of therapy. I'm presuming you've tried the various therapies for OCD.

I have read that when someone is terrified that they'll do something they don't want to, then they're highly unlikely to act on it. Easy to say I know.

I really hope you get to a better place. No-one should have to suffer like that.

 

[DeadHead]

I would like to suggest something. Have you ever looked into the work of jerry marzinsky? If you can find the time please check him out. He's in USA but very accessible, you can have an online consultation with him. His prices are very reasonable. He has helped many people with similar issues. Maybe listen to some if his interviews first and see what you think of him.

I don't know where you are but in USA cops seem to enjoy killing people, especially vulnerable people or those having a mental crisis. In UK, they're just incompetent and corrupt, so I feel Jerry is your best bet.

I'm in the same boat. I have gotten to the point where I started harming other living things, which I know is awful behavior.

Then please stop.

 

[Jezzibell]

This is intense and so horrible for you. I've had spurts of such violent anger and for me, the rages were hormonal. A psych told my mother to not worry I would grow out of it in my thirties. We both thought he was a biggus diccus lol. But he was right.

Have you been tested and diagnosed with a mental illness? I had ADHD undiagnosed but this intensified feelings.

Don't hurt yourself instead of others. Use distraction techniques and urge surfing. When the rage comes, don't react, think about someghing else, ride each urge. This is successful for me in eating/binging 10kg of food.

Adult ADHD Self Screening Tool - ADHD UK

Since adult ADHD is under-diagnosed, People with the condition are not getting the help they need. WHO and the Workgroup on Adult ADHD created a screener survey

adhduk.co.uk

 

[OverBeforeStart]

I can relate to this condition... I'm surprised I survived this long. For me it's genetic and it was 33 years of living hell.. each time it comes I tell myself that I should've been gone already. I'm basically isolating my self because I can't control myself any more. but the end is soon and freedom is near
Edit: just talking about it for some reason made me feel better, that I don't have to be brutal on myself all the time. Thankful for this thread and hope OP finds relief.

 

[GeriatricGoblin]

I hate the fact you can try as hard as possible to make the world a better place and still end up fucked. I want to die to stop myself from harming others and have told psychiatrist and care coordinator this and they just say its only thoughts. Well fuck me I'm getting strong urges to harm others and am desperately telling them. I want to die but failed so many times. Been in psych wards loads of times. I'd happily take a drug to kill myself like N. Trying to do the right thing. Shall I phone the police if I think im going to harm or kill someone. I'd sacrifice myself for the greater good. I'd jump off a building or infront a train but my SI is too strong for those methods. They scare me. I'm also scared if ending back in a psych ward if I fail a hanging again. PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T TAKE THOUGHTS OF KILLING.

I don't judge you at all. To me you sound like a really kind and caring person. You clearly really care about not hurting or negatively affecting anyone else. I have to to say I don't care as much as you do about the well-being of others. And I think most people don't. So to me you seem exceptionally kind and good. You can be proud of that. I'm a little proud of you. Even though I barely know you at all.

I'm also looking into ways to CTB and I'm planning on ODing on drugs from the dark web. It's not super easy but you can learn how to do it in a few days, and receive drugs within 1 or 2 weeks from now. If you really think this is the best option for you I support your choice. I'm still learning but I'd be happy to provide you with any info I have on buying drugs from the dark web to OD on.

If you're really about to hurt someone I think it would probably the best choice to call the police, so you don't harm someone who still wants to live. If you end up in an environment like a psych ward where you can't hurt anyone maybe you'd be more at peace, too? I'm sorry no-one is taking it seriously that you have these urges. That is really terrible and careless behavior from them.

I'm sorry you're in such a dark place. I hope you feel more peacful soon. If there is something more specific we could do to help you let us/me know. I don't have much to do or live for, so I could spend a few hours a day to help you if you like.

Also, maybe it helps to think about: Is it really realistic that you're as dangerous to others as you fear? I mean so far it sounds like you haven't attacked someone in a way that threatens their life. And if the urge gets really strong, could you maybe call the police and distract yourself to get over the urges? It sounds like there would be a big inner battle before you really hurt someone – since you care so much about not hurting anyone. Maybe if you come to the conclusion that it's not as realistic because of reasons X, Y, Z you could use that to calm yourself down when the urges scare you again. Just talking out my ass of course. I have no clue either.

 

[GreenTree]

I would like to suggest something. Have you ever looked into the work of jerry marzinsky? If you can find the time please check him out. He's in USA but very accessible, you can have an online consultation with him. His prices are very reasonable. He has helped many people with similar issues. Maybe listen to some if his interviews first and see what you think of him.

I don't know where you are but in USA cops seem to enjoy killing people, especially vulnerable people or those having a mental crisis. In UK, they're just incompetent and corrupt, so I feel Jerry is your best bet.

Then please stop.

I watched lots of Jerry Marzinsky videos.
Thank you for recommending. He talks a lot of sense. He says psychiatrists haven't got a clue and anti depressants are a waste of time and only made for money. I totally agree with him. He also says voices are real and from the devil. I don't know how too book consultation. Couldn't find it on his website.

I don't judge you at all. To me you sound like a really kind and caring person. You clearly really care about not hurting or negatively affecting anyone else. I have to to say I don't care as much as you do about the well-being of others. And I think most people don't. So to me you seem exceptionally kind and good. You can be proud of that. I'm a little proud of you. Even though I barely know you at all.

I'm also looking into ways to CTB and I'm planning on ODing on drugs from the dark web. It's not super easy but you can learn how to do it in a few days, and receive drugs within 1 or 2 weeks from now. If you really think this is the best option for you I support your choice. I'm still learning but I'd be happy to provide you with any info I have on buying drugs from the dark web to OD on.

If you're really about to hurt someone I think it would probably the best choice to call the police, so you don't harm someone who still wants to live. If you end up in an environment like a psych ward where you can't hurt anyone maybe you'd be more at peace, too? I'm sorry no-one is taking it seriously that you have these urges. That is really terrible and careless behavior from them.

I'm sorry you're in such a dark place. I hope you feel more peacful soon. If there is something more specific we could do to help you let us/me know. I don't have much to do or live for, so I could spend a few hours a day to help you if you like.

Also, maybe it helps to think about: Is it really realistic that you're as dangerous to others as you fear? I mean so far it sounds like you haven't attacked someone in a way that threatens their life. And if the urge gets really strong, could you maybe call the police and distract yourself to get over the urges? It sounds like there would be a big inner battle before you really hurt someone – since you care so much about not hurting anyone. Maybe if you come to the conclusion that it's not as realistic because of reasons X, Y, Z you could use that to calm yourself down when the urges scare you again. Just talking out my ass of course. I have no clue either.

Thank you for advice. You sound kind too to offer to help. Could you please provide information on the dark Web to OD on. I find dark Web a little scary and have no clue how it works. Thanks Goblin.

 

[DeadHead]

His website has details for arranging a consult with him. I actually had one myself last year.https://www.jerrymarzinsky.com/consultation

 

[Unattainable666]

GreenTree - it breaks my heart to hear your story. It seems we all suffer so much here. May I ask is there some event or anything that triggers these thoughts? Any particular kind of person? I can tell you one thing for sure you are where you need to be (on this site). I have found the majority of the people here are loving, kind and non-judgmental. We are here for each other. Please continue to post as maybe something positive will trigger you. You are in my thoughts. Please stay safe.

 

[GreenTree]

Hi all. Thanks for replies. I've decided if I think im going to kill I'm gonna go to the woods to attempt hanging or jump infront a lorry or train. I know I'll scar the driver for life though. It's no win situation. I'd prefer hanging but messed that up before so lost confidence. Need humane ways to ctb especially when I know its for the greater good. Sometimes you just can't win in life no matter what you do or how hard you try to do right things. Some very kind people on this forum. They don't deserve to be on a suicide forum especially with peados and rapists having no guilt and living freely.

 

[Nothere01]

I'm in the same boat. I have gotten to the point where I started harming other living things, which I know is awful behavior.

PLEASE don't harm any animals or insects, they suffer HORRIFIC evil abuses and also get destroyed in evil manners by evil people, please have compassion for the animals and insects and please don't release your anger on them, animals and insects are like little children they are very innocent and never done anyone any wrong, please don't hurt them!

I hate the fact you can try as hard as possible to make the world a better place and still end up fucked. I want to die to stop myself from harming others and have told psychiatrist and care coordinator this and they just say its only thoughts. Well fuck me I'm getting strong urges to harm others and am desperately telling them. I want to die but failed so many times. Been in psych wards loads of times. I'd happily take a drug to kill myself like N. Trying to do the right thing. Shall I phone the police if I think im going to harm or kill someone. I'd sacrifice myself for the greater good. I'd jump off a building or infront a train but my SI is too strong for those methods. They scare me. I'm also scared if ending back in a psych ward if I fail a hanging again. PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T TAKE THOUGHTS OF KILLING.

I heard of people dying after they fasted (no food, no water, no liquids) for 3 days in a row and or after a few days in a row, i don't know about you but i plan on doing that to ctb

I hate the fact you can try as hard as possible to make the world a better place and still end up fucked. I want to die to stop myself from harming others and have told psychiatrist and care coordinator this and they just say its only thoughts. Well fuck me I'm getting strong urges to harm others and am desperately telling them. I want to die but failed so many times. Been in psych wards loads of times. I'd happily take a drug to kill myself like N. Trying to do the right thing. Shall I phone the police if I think im going to harm or kill someone. I'd sacrifice myself for the greater good. I'd jump off a building or infront a train but my SI is too strong for those methods. They scare me. I'm also scared if ending back in a psych ward if I fail a hanging again. PLEASE HELP ME. I CAN'T TAKE THOUGHTS OF KILLING.

I think you said in another thread that you felt you might have a demon in you, you probably do and it is making you have thoughts to kill other people, that obviously doesn't come from you, it comes from a demon, find a church in your area that practices deliverance from satan and from his demons/devils and also deliverance from any meds that were supposed to help you that did not

 

[Unattainable666]

PLEASE don't harm any animals or insects, they suffer HORRIFIC evil abuses and also get destroyed in evil manners by evil people, please have compassion for the animals and insects and please don't release your anger on them, animals and insects are like little children they are very innocent and never done anyone any wrong, please don't hurt them!

I heard of people dying after they fasted (no food, no water, no liquids) for 3 days in a row and or after a few days in a row, i don't know about you but i plan on doing that to ctb

I think you said in another thread that you felt you might have a demon in you, you probably do and it is making you have thoughts to kill other people, that obviously doesn't come from you, it comes from a demon, find a church in your area that practices deliverance from satan and from his demons/devils and also deliverance from any meds that were supposed to help you that did not

Seriously?????????????????????????????????????????? Alexa74 I believe you may be on the wrong site