Killing myself is worth it

[Water-Lily]

Even if I do manage to somehow get out of my abusive environment, what would it matter?

The behaviors and beliefs I have ingrained in me won't necessarily go away.

I'll have to unlearn those behaviors

And that can take years

People don't have the tolerance and time to deal with traumtized/damaged people

They don't have he patience or time to put up with toxic behaviors that can be detrimental

Its exhausting for everyone to deal with at a certain point

So even if I do manage to leave, I'm fucked

People will give up on me

People already have

And I dont blame them

Dealing with a toxic mess that has a shit ton of damage isn't easy

So, I'm gonna make it easier on the people around me and just die

 

[Pluto]

The scenario you describe is exactly what has happened to me. And we have very little time to take action with our youth relatively intact.

I can tell you what I've learned the hard way. Unless you get to the root of the problem, it is likely that no crude attempts at change will work. For example, meeting new people in the hope that old patterns of rejection will somehow be different this time.

The only way forward is to understand that abuse like we experienced affects the nervous system very fundamentally. Even functions like digestion, or the immune system, or the ability to feel reasonably safe in everyday situations. It's a long list. The first thing that is needed is understanding how the nervous system works, and then being willing to commit yourself to a habit of regular, somewhat boring therapeutic activities that directly address the issue. Even so, results will take many months to start to show. But when they do, the result will be a radical transformation.

Here is a video that I was watching recently on the topic.

 

[Water-Lily]

The scenario you describe is exactly what has happened to me. And we have very little time to take action with our youth relatively intact.

I can tell you what I've learned the hard way. Unless you get to the root of the problem, it is likely that no crude attempts at change will work. For example, meeting new people in the hope that old patterns of rejection will somehow be different this time.

The only way forward is to understand that abuse like we experienced affects the nervous system very fundamentally. Even functions like digestion, or the immune system, or the ability to feel reasonably safe in everyday situations. It's a long list. The first thing that is needed is understanding how the nervous system works, and then being willing to commit yourself to a habit of regular, somewhat boring therapeutic activities that directly address the issue. Even so, results will take many months to start to show. But when they do, the result will be a radical transformation.

Here is a video that I was watching recently on the topic.

I dunno if I am ready to go head first into this work

Hell I am not willing to go into the depths of my own traumatic experiences

For me I just look at people outside of me. People who probably don't need to do this intense work. People who have boyfriends/girlfriends and are thriving with friendships. They don't have to do any deep work. Its unfair

 

[Pluto]

I dunno if I am ready to go head first into this work

Hell I am not willing to go into the depths of my own traumatic experiences

For me I just look at people outside of me. People who probably don't need to do this intense work. People who have boyfriends/girlfriends and are thriving with friendships. They don't have to do any deep work. Its unfair

It's unfair to the absolute extreme. It couldn't be any more unfair. No argument there. The only upside, as you know, is that we gain the ability to care more deeply and to help others through being able to relate to them.

I admit that I don't have a good intuitive understanding of the process, which is why I'd rather link to people with proper knowledge. But from what I am gathering, it isn't so much about delving into and reliving past traumas. Instead, it is more about having a good understanding of how trauma is an energy that gets trapped in the body, and learning to stop ourselves from dissociating rather than feeling and processing those energies as they arise in real time in our daily lives. Over time, the nervous system starts to function normally as this processing unfolds.

 

[Stormy Raine]

You have to learn to love yourself 1st before you expect anyone else to. My main concern is your safety, are there any battered women shelters that you can go to? They will help you find a place and possibly help you get some furniture im not sure where you are located. We all have a past but it does not have to affect your beautiful future ahead of you. You are not damaged, the person that treats you this way is damaged! Once you get away hopefully you will start to rebuild your confidence and learn to trust again. The best revenge is to be have and away from your abuser!

 

[Water-Lily]

It's unfair to the absolute extreme. It couldn't be any more unfair. No argument there. The only upside, as you know, is that we gain the ability to care more deeply and to help others through being able to relate to them.

I admit that I don't have a good intuitive understanding of the process, which is why I'd rather link to people with proper knowledge. But from what I am gathering, it isn't so much about delving into and reliving past traumas. Instead, it is more about having a good understanding of how trauma is an energy that gets trapped in the body, and learning to stop ourselves from dissociating rather than feeling and processing those energies as they arise in real time in our daily lives. Over time, the nervous system starts to function normally as this processing unfolds.

Ok. Like I don't want to go back and face all those unpleasant memories. But I guess understanding how trauma affects my body seems More engaging