Keeping busy

[Tigerfan]

Ever since I heard that "depression hates a moving target," I've been keeping myself busy with work, school, hobbies, and friends, and honestly, it works most of the time. When I'm constantly doing something, I don't have much time to think about how I feel.

But at night, when everything's quiet and I'm alone, that's when it all comes back. I get this horrible feeling in my stomach and start spiraling, thinking about everything I've been avoiding during the day.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually feeling better or if I'm just keeping myself distracted enough to not feel anything at all. I'm still showing up and doing everything I'm supposed to do, but sometimes it feels like I'm just going through the motions.

 

[tonicer]

I do something similar, lots of working out and helping my mother around her house. She's almost 80 and needs lots of help with pretty much everything. The problem i fear is her death. She is not very healthy and so has maybe 10-15 years left. What do i do after she's gone?! I always think i just end it then because i have no reason or purpose to continue but i kinda want to keep going but at the same time it's all so exhausting and stressful. I feel like all this "moving" just bottles the depression up and releases it once you can't move anymore.

 

[Tigerfan]

I do something similar, lots of working out and helping my mother around her house. She's almost 80 and needs lots of help with pretty much everything. The problem i fear is her death. She is not very healthy and so has maybe 10-15 years left. What do i do after she's gone?! I always think i just end it then because i have no reason or purpose to continue but i kinda want to keep going but at the same time it's all so exhausting and stressful. I feel like all this "moving" just bottles the depression up and releases it once you can't move anymore.

I can relate to that. I've also thought about ending it after my parents pass, but that wouldn't be for a very long time. I also have other family, and as horrible as it sounds, I sometimes wonder when I can "finally" end it without hurting anyone. It seems like that will never be a possibility, so in the meantime, I'll keep going.

 

[unluckysadness]

Nature hates emptiness so it's normal if you feel better when you're busy. And normal if ideation are stronger at nights when everything is quiet. Brain just need to be busy all the time.

I'm isolated with no friends or partner and it's very hard. It's the best way to feed the hamster in my head. Unfortunately when depression is too severe, you cannot even eat properly or taking a shower (it's not my case but I have other disabilities). If you can do things, just keep doing things, it remains the best way to avoid suicidal thoughts. What you can do if the hamster is too agitated, is to listen to music or trying some meditation / relaxation tricks.

 

[Tigerfan]

Y

Nature hates emptiness so it's normal if you feel better when you're busy. And normal if ideation are stronger at nights when everything is quiet. Brain just need to be busy all the time.

I'm isolated with no friends or partner and it's very hard. It's the best way to feed the hamster in my head. Unfortunately when depression is too severe, you cannot even eat properly or taking a shower (it's not my case but I have other disabilities). If you can do things, just keep doing things, it remains the best way to avoid suicidal thoughts. What you can do if the hamster is too agitated, is to listen to music or trying some meditation / relaxation tricks.

Yea, that makes a lot of sense. I appreciate you sharing this, especially the part about the "hamster in my head". Thats a pretty good way to describe it. Unfortunately I can't really offer much advice for your situation, but I'm wishing you the best and hope things get easier for you.