Keep it to yourself

[discokicks]

Hey. So I recently got out of a psych ward after a suicide attempt. I won't go into my life story but a basic run down is I'm a 35 yr old alcoholic and dependent on valium with excuricationg anxiety and panic attacks and depression. I had 5 months sobriety up to Jan 16 this year before I stupidly thought I could get drunk one night and leave it. Anyway 4 months later and the usual disasters -missed family events, debts, arguments, missed appointments, hospital visits- I had enough and made 4 attempts. One was suicide by cop where I tried to get them to shoot me (they didn't), one I tried cutting the artery in my arm, harder to find than people think, the other I took 50 vals and 50 temaz and was going to drown myself but I fell asleep first (lol) and then finally I was going to hang myself after a horrible day of scary halluciations after heavy drinking and decided once again to go to the hospital. Anyway they put me on a few meds but I hated being in there, and as soon as I got out I drank. Then I discovered this site. I'd say that probably most of us (?) have been through the whole "if you are feeling like this call a counsellor" thing but then they have a duty of care. They have to do something. It's law in most countries. I believe we should all have the right to choose when we want to finish up on this planet. My only regret is the hurt it will leave to my family. But they've had hints this is going to happen and it won't come as the biggest shock. Anyway unless you want to end up in a psych ward or have the cops banging on your door by some well meaning friend who doesn't know how bad your pain is - keep it to yourself. It's human nature to want to help preserve life. Open to others thoughts on this.

 

[iwannaendme]

Im sorry u had to go through this. i hope u feel a little better now. i bet it sucks being in psych ward

 

[discokicks]

Im sorry u had to go through this. i hope u feel a little better now. i bet it sucks being in psych ward

I feel better being out of there. But my anxiety is raging as ever. I just want to sleep.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Never tell anyone, people are not trying to help you they are tryng to help their own agenda which is to keep us alive no matter what even if they best thing was to euthanize us but again it´s not their agenda. People are literally being kept "alive" as a paraplegic after suicide attempt because most humans has that INSANE idea that people must be kept alive no matter what then it doesn´t matter if they are as handicapped as a fucking vegetable only able to move their eyes and moan sounds, never trust anyone but yourself you are the only one who wants the best for YOU.

 

[Mbound]

Never tell anyone, people are not trying to help you they are tryng to help their own agenda which is to keep us alive no matter what even if they best thing was to euthanize us but again it´s not their agenda. People are literally being kept "alive" as a paraplegic after suicide attempt because most humans has that INSANE idea that people must be kept alive no matter what then it doesn´t matter if they are as handicapped as a fucking vegetable only able to move their eyes and moan sounds, never trust anyone but yourself you are the only one who wants the best for YOU.

Yeah this is some sick shit, the keeping people alive in vegetative states. Literally keeping people imprisoned in their own bodies because it's """"playing God"""" to do the humane thing and end their suffering.

 

[discokicks]

I will give my family credit they know that under NO circumstances do I want to be kept alive as a vegetable. They have even considered helping me with these plans although very reluctantly. And it really upsets my mum. I wish things were different. My brains just too fried.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Hey. So I recently got out of a psych ward after a suicide attempt. I won't go into my life story but a basic run down is I'm a 35 yr old alcoholic and dependent on valium with excuricationg anxiety and panic attacks and depression. I had 5 months sobriety up to Jan 16 this year before I stupidly thought I could get drunk one night and leave it. Anyway 4 months later and the usual disasters -missed family events, debts, arguments, missed appointments, hospital visits- I had enough and made 4 attempts. One was suicide by cop where I tried to get them to shoot me (they didn't), one I tried cutting the artery in my arm, harder to find than people think, the other I took 50 vals and 50 temaz and was going to drown myself but I fell asleep first (lol) and then finally I was going to hang myself after a horrible day of scary halluciations after heavy drinking and decided once again to go to the hospital. Anyway they put me on a few meds but I hated being in there, and as soon as I got out I drank. Then I discovered this site. I'd say that probably most of us (?) have been through the whole "if you are feeling like this call a counsellor" thing but then they have a duty of care. They have to do something. It's law in most countries. I believe we should all have the right to choose when we want to finish up on this planet. My only regret is the hurt it will leave to my family. But they've had hints this is going to happen and it won't come as the biggest shock. Anyway unless you want to end up in a psych ward or have the cops banging on your door by some well meaning friend who doesn't know how bad your pain is - keep it to yourself. It's human nature to want to help preserve life. Open to others thoughts on this.

Warning too I actually carried out the act of trying to find a suicidal partner on this website and ended up getting arrested a long time ago the people who claim to care family and friends and supposedly a support network got me arrested, blackmailed, drugged, raped, and I attempted suicide on multiple accounts so I don't believe suicide as a sin that is me personally but now I think I don't want to attempt anymore but that depends on what happens to me in the future I know I am not suppose to post my info of my address but anyone who is smart enough to trace my data already knows what I've done and again I'm sorry for everything I don't know what will happen in this psych evaluation and or eviction meeting but I must confess maybe I am better off dead.

Never tell anyone, people are not trying to help you they are tryng to help their own agenda which is to keep us alive no matter what even if they best thing was to euthanize us but again it´s not their agenda. People are literally being kept "alive" as a paraplegic after suicide attempt because most humans has that INSANE idea that people must be kept alive no matter what then it doesn´t matter if they are as handicapped as a fucking vegetable only able to move their eyes and moan sounds, never trust anyone but yourself you are the only one who wants the best for YOU.

I shot myself in the head with a .44 magnum before and was more or less in that situation but somehow was saved but the people who saved me might claim that it was a dream or maybe they are testing me and trying to teach me not to let people control you and try to control yourself instead but I didn't want people to control me I wanted to die. But I haven't shot myself in the head lately did a past suicide attempt with Benadryl and by the way don't try that route won't work I also tried forty days worth of alcohol and tried shooting myself with two .44 magnums and two nine millimeter pistols before but family, friends, and the support network doesn't want to die.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yeah this is some sick shit, the keeping people alive in vegetative states. Literally keeping people imprisoned in their own bodies because it's """"playing God"""" to do the humane thing and end their suffering.

It doesn´t even have to be a religious thing they just don´t want to face the fact that the person really isn´t "alive" anymore even if their mind still works they as you said are prisoners in their own bodies which isn´t living.

And yet if an animal break as much as a bone they will often be euthanize smh stupid humans..

 

[Broken]

Yeah this is some sick shit, the keeping people alive in vegetative states. Literally keeping people imprisoned in their own bodies because it's """"playing God"""" to do the humane thing and end their suffering.

Somone posted a link to a british newspaper article about a man that had tried to take his own life, been found but was now in a vegative state for the rest of his life. He was able to blink and When his mum asked if he still wanted to end his life he confirmed he did through blinking twice. His situation was even worse because he'd been saved and the mum was just happy that he hadn't died even though she'll have to wipe his arse for the for the of his life.

 

[TAW122]

Never tell anyone, people are not trying to help you they are tryng to help their own agenda which is to keep us alive no matter what even if they best thing was to euthanize us but again it´s not their agenda. People are literally being kept "alive" as a paraplegic after suicide attempt because most humans has that INSANE idea that people must be kept alive no matter what then it doesn´t matter if they are as handicapped as a fucking vegetable only able to move their eyes and moan sounds, never trust anyone but yourself you are the only one who wants the best for YOU.

110% agree on this. Well said. I strongly resent the people who want to keep those who become severely disabled, crippled whether it is by their own hand or if it was an accident. They squeal about how life is great as if that is a fact (which it isn't, just their own pompous opinion).

 

[discokicks]

I s

Somone posted a link to a british newspaper article about a man that had tried to take his own life, been found but was now in a vegative state for the rest of his life. He was able to blink and When his mum asked if he still wanted to end his life he confirmed he did through blinking twice. His situation was even worse because he'd been saved and the mum was just happy that he hadn't died even though she'll have to wipe his arse for the for the of his life.

I saw that absolute nightmare

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I shot myself in the head with a .44 magnum before and was more or less in that situation but somehow was saved but the people who saved me might claim that it was a dream or maybe they are testing me and trying to teach me not to let people control you and try to control yourself instead but I didn't want people to control me I wanted to die. But I haven't shot myself in the head lately did a past suicide attempt with Benadryl and by the way don't try that route won't work I also tried forty days worth of alcohol and tried shooting myself with two .44 magnums and two nine millimeter pistols before but family, friends, and the support network doesn't want to die.

I find that very hard to believe I have seen several pictures of people shooting themselves in the head with a 357. and 44. magnum and it blows the head open like a shotgun so where did you aim and how did you survive this? Are you deformed? I am only asking because I intend on shooting myself above my right ear with a 9mm JHP.

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

Hey. So I recently got out of a psych ward after a suicide attempt. I won't go into my life story but a basic run down is I'm a 35 yr old alcoholic and dependent on valium with excuricationg anxiety and panic attacks and depression. I had 5 months sobriety up to Jan 16 this year before I stupidly thought I could get drunk one night and leave it. Anyway 4 months later and the usual disasters -missed family events, debts, arguments, missed appointments, hospital visits- I had enough and made 4 attempts. One was suicide by cop where I tried to get them to shoot me (they didn't), one I tried cutting the artery in my arm, harder to find than people think, the other I took 50 vals and 50 temaz and was going to drown myself but I fell asleep first (lol) and then finally I was going to hang myself after a horrible day of scary halluciations after heavy drinking and decided once again to go to the hospital. Anyway they put me on a few meds but I hated being in there, and as soon as I got out I drank. Then I discovered this site. I'd say that probably most of us (?) have been through the whole "if you are feeling like this call a counsellor" thing but then they have a duty of care. They have to do something. It's law in most countries. I believe we should all have the right to choose when we want to finish up on this planet. My only regret is the hurt it will leave to my family. But they've had hints this is going to happen and it won't come as the biggest shock. Anyway unless you want to end up in a psych ward or have the cops banging on your door by some well meaning friend who doesn't know how bad your pain is - keep it to yourself. It's human nature to want to help preserve life. Open to others thoughts on this.

Man, I can so relate to every sentence of your post. I'm a 33 y/o alcoholic with a similar past. But, like you, my family must surely know what's coming next-- I've been the mentally f**cked up, suicidal alcoholic who was destined for destruction for a while now. No one will be surprised, and I suspect some will feel relieved.

 

[discokicks]

Man, I can so relate to every sentence of your post. I'm a 33 y/o alcoholic with a similar past. But, like you, my family must surely know what's coming next-- I've been the mentally f**cked up, suicidal alcoholic who was destined for destruction for a while now. No one will be surprised, and I suspect some will feel relieved.

it's fucking exhausting isn't it

 

[Mbound]

And yet if an animal break as much as a bone they will often be euthanize smh stupid humans..

god this made me laugh but it's so true lol

 

[TheGoodGuy]

god this made me laugh but it's so true lol

Yeah it´s the truth you can even get a dog euthanized if you can´t take care of it anymore but humans oh no they have to be spoon fed, shit in diapers and changed, washed by nurses just a vegetable and still can´t get euthanized.

 

[Broken]

And yet if an animal break as much as a bone they will often be euthanize smh stupid humans..
[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh as I've lost count of the times I was there for my ex when her pets/or some poor injured animal she'd found needed to go to the vets to be put down but now I want to be put down (haha with N probably like all those animals went) knowones there for me!

 

[Apostle]

Even so many people who say "we're no better/different than any other animal!" suddenly change on the matter of euthanasia. A dog can be put out of his misery, but a human who's supposedly "exactly the same," must be kept alive, even if he can never be conscious again. The funny thing is, that's probably the time when the similarities and differences between humans and animals matter the least, yet they're treated with the most weight. So stupid.

 

[JadedGray]

110% agree on this. Well said. I strongly resent the people who want to keep those who become severely disabled, crippled whether it is by their own hand or if it was an accident. They squeal about how life is great as if that is a fact (which it isn't, just their own pompous opinion).

The worse are the ones who end up paralyzed or disfigured after a failed attempt and then claim that they're happy they survived and that their life has new meaning. They then spend the rest of their lives preaching to suicidal people about why they shouldn't CTB simply because things worked out for them.

 

[Mbound]

Even so many people who say "we're no better/different than any other animal!" suddenly change on the matter of euthanasia. A dog can be put out of his misery, but a human who's supposedly "exactly the same," must be kept alive, even if he can never be conscious again. The funny thing is, that's probably the time when the similarities and differences between humans and animals matter the least, yet they're treated with the most weight. So stupid.

This is a really great point. I guess people think since human lives are intrinsically worth more, they must be "protected" at all costs, no matter how horrendously that works out for individual people. The fact that people wont even get on board for euthanasia for extremely sick elderly people is unfathomably evil IMO. I understand their hesitancy for like younger people with depression because there's always a chance of recovery or whatever, but goddamn, forcing an 86 year old with a painful disease to stay alive just for your own personal moral comfort is....really something.

 

[Apostle]

This is a really great point. I guess people think since human lives are intrinsically worth more, they must be "protected" at all costs, no matter how horrendously that works out for individual people. The fact that people wont even get on board for euthanasia for extremely sick elderly people is unfathomably evil IMO. I understand their hesitancy for like younger people with depression because there's always a chance of recovery or whatever, but goddamn, forcing an 86 year old with a painful disease to stay alive just for your own personal moral comfort is....really something.

And when you put it that way, it's even worse. "Suffer for as long as possible so I can feel like I'm saving you," is what that comes down to. Pretty fucked up. I'd personally be more morally comfortable doing whatever the dying elder sees fit for their own life, but I guess that makes me a psycho in this world.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I find that very hard to believe I have seen several pictures of people shooting themselves in the head with a 357. and 44. magnum and it blows the head open like a shotgun so where did you aim and how did you survive this? Are you deformed? I am only asking because I intend on shooting myself above my right ear with a 9mm JHP.

Maybe I didn't shoot myself with a .44 magnum maybe it was a paintball gun because if I remember correctly I shot myself above my left ear on the side off of my head but I think the people who know will claim it to be a dream or maybe it wasn't the right caliber I know I shot myself with a pistol before trying to bleed out but if you could look through my data you'll know the truth but good luck trying to do that. No I'm not deformed whether you believe me or not isn't quite relevant to me don't try to find a suicide partner on this website I tried and got arrested before not worth it I know I attempted multiple suicide attempts before but watch I'll get screwed over by the people in the future anyways careful who you trust.

 

[Letmego. Please]

Fortunately i live in a country with a bankrupt health service, that means that even though i have a community psychiatric nurse come round every few weeks who knows dam well i am suicidal, she will not ask me anything, not how, when or why, cant even go near the subject as she is bound by the same safeguarding rules of having to report if i said i was going to, but the thing is here there is nothing, i could tell her but she knows that the person she would have to report it too would do nothing as they don't have the beds for even the acutely psychotic so they stopped bothering with the likes of me a few years back.

The Trust that i am under (weird uk setup) have so many deaths on their books its horrific, from acutely psychotic punters that kill themselves out of desperation & a lack of support, to the same unwell people who have said to staff that they are worried as x voice is telling them to kill but they know thats wrong & want help, sorry no beds....
The amount of poor people (i say that because if you were acutely psychotic, off your meds, asked for help but didn't receive it in time, then ended up murdering some random person, imagine how bad they feel when back on the meds & stable knowing they have killed someone, in one local instance it was the mother, nobody deserves that just because the service was bankrupt & couldn't help you) now spending the rest of their lives in a high security nut house having to live with knowledge of what they have done while unwell. It's wrong & it makes me angry, so sorry for the little rant, i don't give a toss about them not helping me, but for god sake help those who really need it, but they cant for lack of money, it's sick.

 

[Santiago]

For people who want a different perspective. I told some people and never got in trouble at all. Actually people were very understanding.

 

[NOT]

Yeah it´s the truth you can even get a dog euthanized if you can´t take care of it anymore but humans oh no they have to be spoon fed, shit in diapers and changed, washed by nurses just a vegetable and still can´t get euthanized.

They will euthanize human if he is a serial killer.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

They will euthanize human if he is a serial killer.

That isn´t even gaurenteed in first world countries it only happens in the US and only in a few states after the serial killer has spent 10-20 years in prison first.

Maybe I didn't shoot myself with a .44 magnum maybe it was a paintball gun because if I remember correctly I shot myself above my left ear on the side off of my head but I think the people who know will claim it to be a dream or maybe it wasn't the right caliber I know I shot myself with a pistol before trying to bleed out but if you could look through my data you'll know the truth but good luck trying to do that. No I'm not deformed whether you believe me or not isn't quite relevant to me don't try to find a suicide partner on this website I tried and got arrested before not worth it I know I attempted multiple suicide attempts before but watch I'll get screwed over by the people in the future anyways careful who you trust.

That just left me more confused, did you shoot yourself with a paintball gun or a real gun? And what caliber? You come on this site and say you survived shooting yourself in the head with one of the biggest handgun calibers in the world and we are a few people who are going to kill ourselves with handguns so a post like that will of course make us nervous like when I am using a 9mm and you say you survived a 44. magnum? Why would you say you survived a 44. Magnum if you think it might have been a paintball gun?

 

[Deadgirl]

Somone posted a link to a british newspaper article about a man that had tried to take his own life, been found but was now in a vegative state for the rest of his life. He was able to blink and When his mum asked if he still wanted to end his life he confirmed he did through blinking twice. His situation was even worse because he'd been saved and the mum was just happy that he hadn't died even though she'll have to wipe his arse for the for the of his life.

I am sorry but that mother is a selfish puta. If she really cared she would have gotten to know her son's situation before it escalated to suicidality. That goes for a lot of suicides. I feel really bad for the poor guy

 

[TheGoodGuy]

The worse are the ones who end up paralyzed or disfigured after a failed attempt and then claim that they're happy they survived and that their life has new meaning. They then spend the rest of their lives preaching to suicidal people about why they shouldn't CTB simply because things worked out for them.

I hate those kind of people it´s like addicts who get clean and now preach to the world how drugs are the devil and never use them JUST because they couldn´t control their use which let to abuse due to not having disipline I hate those people they are hypocrites; a bad experience or several and they turn their backs on everything they used to believe in.

 

[Broken]

That isn´t even gaurenteed in first world countries it only happens in the US and only in a few states after the serial killer has spent 10-20 years in prison first.

That just left me more confused, did you shoot yourself with a paintball gun or a real gun? And what caliber? You come on this site and say you survived shooting yourself in the head with one of the biggest handgun calibers in the world and we are a few people who are going to kill ourselves with handguns so a post like that will of course make us nervous like when I am using a 9mm and you say you survived a 44. magnum? Why would you say you survived a 44. Magnum if you think it might have been a paintball gun?

I think there just taking the piss. Wouldn't listen to a word they say. Pretty sure they'd remember if it was a real gun or a paintball gun if they were being serious

 

[seekingoblivion]

For people who want a different perspective. I told some people and never got in trouble at all. Actually people were very understanding.

While I haven't gotten locked up before I've just been made to feel like a piece of shit after telling people. Being scolded cause you're depressed isn't fun.