Just wanna starve myself but my mom won't let me

[blueclover_.]

I think i have gastroparesis, everytime i eat food my upper abdomen hurts. I just wanna starve myself, plus i need to lose a bit weight (i'm 2 kg heavier than my ideal body type). My mom wouldn't let me to do that, but when i eat a lot after not eating for days she calls me 'greedy'. I've never been emotionally connected to food, but now i just resent it because it makes me feel like i'm taking a debt to live off their resources. They won't let me to work either, i'm in college studying shit i don't care about. My appendix hurts, even though it'll pass if i lay down in a certain angle, i'm worried that i might need surgery. We don't have the money for that. I have no one to talk to about these problems, i hope i can ctb very soon.

 

[Rayzieka]

My advice may not work in your situation but have you considered hiding snacks under your bed?
You could take a few a day while she's watching but hide them somewhere.
If you do your own shopping you could buy filling foods like hostess cakes and meal replacement bars and keep a box of those in your room as well.
If the issue is you're not eating what she cooks that does make it more complicated.. maybe try to take smaller portions and eat what you can while shes watching and continue fasting when you can to minimize the pain. But when you actually want to eat you'll have reserves.
I used to do the same thing though it wasn't for the same reasons. I just didn't trust what my stepdad would cook because my brother would often warn me he spit in it or something else gross.

 

[blueclover_.]

If you do your own shopping you could buy filling foods like hostess cakes and meal replacement bars and keep a box of those in your room as well.

If the issue is you're not eating what she cooks that does make it more complicated.. maybe try to take smaller portions and eat what you can while shes watching and continue fasting when you can to minimize the pain. But when you actually want to eat you'll have reserves.

I usually drink smoothies, but my mom thinks solid food is the only 'real' food. My dad said i'm imagining the pain. Oh well. Thanks for the idea.

I used to do the same thing though it wasn't for the same reasons. I just didn't trust what my stepdad would cook because my brother would often warn me he spit in it or something else gross.

This made me laugh XD

 

[Rayzieka]

Yeah lol looking back it is kinda funny. I buy all my own food and live somewhere else now so that's solved.
I hope you find a way to get help with your stomach. It's very annoying when people tell you your pain isn't bad enough or doesn't exist.
Very frustrating.

 

[Shadowplay]

It takes weeks to starve yourself to death. I imagine you would be sectioned and force fed long before that happened though.

 

[blueclover_.]

It takes weeks to starve yourself to death. I imagine you would be sectioned and force fed long before that happened though.

I never intended to starve myself as a method to ctb. I have SN. My stomach just hurts if it's stuffed with food.

 

[Shadowplay]

I never intended to starve myself as a method to ctb. I have SN. My stomach just hurts if it's stuffed with food.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

if you are over 18 she would actually need to get a court order to force feed you.

 

[Shadowplay]

if you are over 18 she would actually need to get a court order to force feed you.

I'm not sure that is the case; if you can be involuntarily locked up to prevent you taking your own life then I don't see why they wouldn't force feed you as the goal is the same. They probably use a drip maybe? Dunno.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i'm pretty sure they can't. of course the court order is very easy to get especially if you are inpatient. they def won't let you out if you refuse food or meds. if you start "acting out" they can shoot you up with ativan/haldol and or restrain you.

 

[Shadowplay]

i'm pretty sure they can't. of course the court order is very easy to get especially if you are inpatient. they def won't let you out if you refuse food or meds. if you start "acting out" they can shoot you up with ativan/haldol and or restrain you.

Ahhh the wonders of Google....

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i stand corrected.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a very stressful situation to be in, I'm sorry you are going through this. It can be terrible being trapped in this human body as it can torture us. There is no limit as to how bad health problems can get. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. I hope you find peace.

 

[rationaltake]

I'm not sure that is the case; if you can be involuntarily locked up to prevent you taking your own life then I don't see why they wouldn't force feed you as the goal is the same. They probably use a drip maybe? Dunno.

In the UK people with anorexia have been force fed. I find it barbaric.