Venting Just venting

[spooky0-0]

I don't how to explain why I'm suicidal because I should be fine I just turned 18 I'm about to move out and I can take care of myself soon I have this girlfriend that I love and I want to marry her I have a plan for the job I want. I have a future but I just don't want to be here for it. when people ask why I'm suicidal I have nothing to really say maybe its because I never really got the childhood I deserved and IM never going to get that. I feel like I'm missing peices but I don't know how to find them. I hate myself for being like this because I just hurt people I don't want to hurt anyone I just can't. I can't do it. I don't know what to do. I just can't do this anymore. I feel like nothing I do will make this better. i feel helpless. How do i fix this. I feel so alone. How do I forgive what happened in the past. How do I move on, ive been stuck for so long.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I'm sorry you're suffering and don't want to live at such a young age.

Have you ever sought mental health treatment?

It sounds like you have a ton of questions in your head that would be worth sorting through.

It is tough to long for a childhood that you can never reclaim but childhood is only a fraction of one's total lifetime and as a fresh 18 year-old you still have your young adulthood ahead of you.

By the way, if you hurt everyone around you would you be in a relationship as you are?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I am not pro-life by any means, but I think in your case you should at least give life one hard go. You're young, gotta a good girl. Try life out with a nothing-to-lose approach. Then if all else fails, look into leaving the earth. Get an Adderall scrip or something and see if it can give you some motivation. Fuck your childhoold. If you're even remotely normal, then it was sufficient.

 

[spooky0-0]

Ive been in and out of mental health treatment since I was 3 and I have been on a lot of different meds but nothing helps im in a constant state of existential crisis. I really have tried but I;m not sure I can move past whats happened.

I am not pro-life by any means, but I think in your case you should at least give life one hard go. You're young, gotta a good girl. Try life out with a nothing-to-lose approach. Then if all else fails, look into leaving the earth. Get an Adderall scrip or something and see if it can give you some motivation. Fuck your childhoold. If you're even remotely normal, then it was sufficient.

I have tried but I don't want to be in pain anymore and I don't want to be hurt again. I've been on meds before but I can't go on certain meds because I have Tourette's. I really have tried and I'm going to continue to try because this girl is everything to me and she doesn't deserve it I just need to figure out how to get past it and Im so lost. Im in intense therapy right now but it hasn't helped much. I've been in and out of the mental health system since I was about 3. I'm not normal and I know I'm not, everyone treats me differently and I can't do what everyone else can. how do I fix what happened and move on when it literally change everything about me. what happened to me should have never happened and I still don't know how it did. I'll never be normal. and the doctors aren't even 100% certain whats wrong with me. How do i keep going when it hurts and I can't change it?