Lazy
Just let me sleep
- Feb 25, 2025
- 30
Talking about partial hanging here, I'm mostly surprised that I got it right on my second try already, of course I can't be sure but I got really close to passing out, I still feel light headed. I haven't attempted before, nor would I say this was an attempt I just wanted to test whether it would work after all, but I'm surprised by how I react to this.
In retrospective even me finaly getting my shit together to try out the rope I had prepared was a bit impulsive and despite this, I feel surprisingly calm, calmer than before. Maybe it is because I feel like I do have at least the ability to kms in terms of grip on my life, maybe it was the spontaniousness of it all but I don't think I felt SI, I was even considering just not lifting my head again, I could practically feel everything I dread about this life floating gently away from me.
I am sorry for all of you who have to fight SI, please don't take this the wrong way. I just was surprised at how easy it was for me to let go, already I feel the need to do it again, I want to rest my neck on the rope, I want to finally leave. It might honestly have to do with me barely sleeping the past few days, even compared to my usual sleep scedule, it just felt like resting my head on a soft pillow. The only reason I stopped is that, since this "test run" if you can call it that, was as I mentioned on impulse and so my preperations are not yet complete.
At least it cleared some of my misconceptions, I didn't feel the blood rushing to my head, I didn't want to cry or to pity myself, it was just pleasant dsitancing from this world. I don't know how I could stop chasing this now, my every thought lead me down to suicide even before today, what will I do now, knowing it is available and just one knot away?
Also let it be known that my expirience does not imply you will have similiar, I studied and prepared myself a lot to be able to arrive here, please read the official rescources provided by SaSu rather then taking my word for it, I wish you all the best
In retrospective even me finaly getting my shit together to try out the rope I had prepared was a bit impulsive and despite this, I feel surprisingly calm, calmer than before. Maybe it is because I feel like I do have at least the ability to kms in terms of grip on my life, maybe it was the spontaniousness of it all but I don't think I felt SI, I was even considering just not lifting my head again, I could practically feel everything I dread about this life floating gently away from me.
I am sorry for all of you who have to fight SI, please don't take this the wrong way. I just was surprised at how easy it was for me to let go, already I feel the need to do it again, I want to rest my neck on the rope, I want to finally leave. It might honestly have to do with me barely sleeping the past few days, even compared to my usual sleep scedule, it just felt like resting my head on a soft pillow. The only reason I stopped is that, since this "test run" if you can call it that, was as I mentioned on impulse and so my preperations are not yet complete.
At least it cleared some of my misconceptions, I didn't feel the blood rushing to my head, I didn't want to cry or to pity myself, it was just pleasant dsitancing from this world. I don't know how I could stop chasing this now, my every thought lead me down to suicide even before today, what will I do now, knowing it is available and just one knot away?
Also let it be known that my expirience does not imply you will have similiar, I studied and prepared myself a lot to be able to arrive here, please read the official rescources provided by SaSu rather then taking my word for it, I wish you all the best
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