Venting Just torn

[WorthlessTrash]

As much as I want to CTB right now, I am extremely torn.

On one hand, I don't want to cause distress for my family.

On the other hand, I cannot live with this dysphoria and agonizing envy towards the opposite sex.

I can't even try to last another year because none of my hobbies interest me, I am 400 lbs with no motivation to take care of my body (I hate it because it is the male anatomy) and I am financially dependent on my mother in my 30s. I also have no sexual or romantic desire anymore so there's really nothing to work for.

I am simply just existing......

I am torn and don't know what to do. Deep down inside, I know CTB is the solution, but I am stuck in limbo.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring being trapped in that situation. At least in my case I could never personally continue existing only for the sake of other people, as after all grief and loss are simply a part of life and death is the most normal thing ever. But it's understandable not wanting to hurt others, it does sound like a difficult situation to be in. Anyway, I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.