Venting just so tireddddddd

[deadpornstarr!]

i cant do anything like i have the tiniest just bare minimum responsibilities for this summer , i just have to work enough to make like a hundred a month and i'd be fine and still all i can do is lay around and mope and bitch , i'm only "happy" when i get to just withdraw from the world and stay in my room doodling art on my laptop and anything more than that i'm just a worthless little shit that can't get off her ass and take responsibility ughh - _ -'

i want to get away from this house im in because i don't like being around people anymore , but i don't have anywhere to go . i can't even drive , i don't think theres any forest nearby even , just houses , im just stuck . caus im just too lazy and unmotivated to do anything , even to kill myself , even to open up my browser and talk about killing myself , everything is just too much work and my brain overheats at the slightest little asks of it . im so tired of this all . i wish there was anything i could do .

 

[CarbonBased]

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. To me it sounds like some typical symptoms of depression. Based on what you said, your issues neither seem to be deeply internal (e.g. struggle with meaning) nor fully external (e.g. financial difficulty, heartbreak). I believe that you're a primary case of somebody whom medication can actually help. Have you considered this option?

 

[deadpornstarr!]

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. To me it sounds like some typical symptoms of depression. Based on what you said, your issues neither seem to be deeply internal (e.g. struggle with meaning) nor fully external (e.g. financial difficulty, heartbreak). I believe that you're a primary case of somebody whom medication can actually help. Have you considered this option?

i'm sure theres pills that could help a little but im poor as shit and too dysfunctional to even start looking for a counselor or something . i dont even know if id want to live like that , only being happy beccause im tricking my neurons into ignoring that part of me , it doesnt sound great . i dont know . the last couple therapists ive had a while ago now havent really helped anyway . its all too muchhh :(

(edit - i know this is a stupidly tone-shifty thing to say right now by the way , but i quite like your pfp ^^')

 

[CarbonBased]

(edit - i know this is a stupidly tone-shifty thing to say right now by the way , but i quite like your pfp ^^')

Thanks, I think yours is also quite nice! I like the glitchy aesthetics ^_^

As for your pills concern, I should say that pills won't make you happy. Happiness in the way most people understand it is something more than just a few chemicals bouncing around your brain. It's all related, no doubt, but pills alone won't give you a profound sense of meaning, purpose, or self-satisfaction. What they can potentially help you with, though, is to nudge your brain a bit to make it easier for you to do your daily tasks, socialize, pursue your passions, etc. Basically, it will make it easier for you to do the things that might make you happy rather than just making you happy outright.
As for your financial situation, it's more difficult for me to advise you something. You might want to request some support from your family or maybe some local mental health advocacy groups? I don't really know how it works in the US. Therapy could also be useful to you, but it is expensive. If you go down the medication route, though, you would probably only need to see a psychiatrist a couple times and then only occasionally report to them about how your medication is working. Since it's difficult for you to do it yourself atm, you might also want to ask your close ones to look for some kind of therapy options that are affordable in your situation. If you can do it online, you could probably find some decent options for a reasonable price.

I really hope that you find some option that works for you. People come to this forum with different intentions, you know. Personally, I don't think that any one of these options is always better than the other. It's always individual and it's up for you to decide which path you want to take. However it goes, I genuinely wish you all the best

 

[deadpornstarr!]

Thanks, I think yours is also quite nice! I like the glitchy aesthetics ^_^

stole it from a doefriends thumbnail , haha

What they can potentially help you with, though, is to nudge your brain a bit to make it easier for you to do your daily tasks, socialize, pursue your passions, etc. Basically, it will make it easier for you to do the things that might make you happy rather than just making you happy outright.

that sounds nicer, i think id like something like that. but i mean, my brain's still kinda fucked in a aton of other ways. trauma, loss, its a mess. i dont know. ill look into it.

You might want to request some support from your family

its not an option unfortunately, they dont like me. im a runaway

If you go down the medication route, though, you would probably only need to see a psychiatrist a couple times and then only occasionally report to them about how your medication is working. Since it's difficult for you to do it yourself atm, you might also want to ask your close ones to look for some kind of therapy options that are affordable in your situation.

that sounds doable... my friend im stuck living with has encouraged me to look into therapy but he hasnt looked for me... (seemed pretty disappointed i havent managed to look myself honestly ><")... im sure i could figure out some way to pay for it, i mean. i'll keep finding internet side hustles lol. maybe just get back to prostitution, the pedo that groomed me thought i was pretty atleast. /j

However it goes, I genuinely wish you all the best

thank you :) im glad i have this forum

 

[hurts2b]

This is something so, so many of us have in common. Hard to live and do things. Hard to actually put in the effort to commit. Such a frustrating place to be. Hugs.