Just sent another email to Switzerland

[darkenmydoorstep]

I just sent this to Pegasos. I last emailed them in May and they wouldn't help me.

"Is there anything I can do other than wait to get a disease or old enough for someone to take me seriously?

I want to die every single day. Even on the 'good days' I would end it if it weren't for the physical pain and poor success rate involved with a traditional method. Now they have put the 'online safety bill' in place in the UK it's even harder to find methods with minimal pain involved.
I would do anything to leave this earth.
I don't want counsellors or helplines. I want a tangible solution to the problem I have.

This consumes me.
Every day I am trying to figure a way out. Logically (I'm sane), methodically, hoping I'll meet someone online or in real life who wants the same thing and we can do it together finding strength in each other.
Just because my reasons can not be ticked off in some criteria you have, does not make them any less worthy. To me my reasons are valid. Why can that not be enough?

I know you will probably either not answer me or just chat some rubbish about counselling and helplines but I have to at least say it to you in the hope that one day policy can be altered and more people can be helped to die without going through what I endure every day."

 

[FuneralCry]

I hate how the UK is such an anti-suicide country, I just find it so horrible how people are expected to suffer no matter what without the option to cease existing in peace. If assisted suicide is legalised it really would be such a relief, it would prevent so much unnecessary suffering.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I think the laws are more lax in Belgium but for citizens. Sometimes I wonder what I'd have to do to become a Belgian citizen, work there? Marry a Belgian? No clue but these are the ideas that float around my brain because I feel so hemmed in. My sister in law is Belgian and I think "you lucky cow having that option". At least if tried to get citizenship it would feel like working towards something in a weird way instead of just waiting around til I get sick enough to meet Swiss criteria.
Other times I just want to do bad things to my body like eat rubbish, do drugs, drink etc just to give myself a better shot at speeding things up.

 

[Meditation guide]

I hate how the UK is such an anti-suicide country, I just find it so horrible how people are expected to suffer no matter what without the option to cease existing in peace. If assisted suicide is legalised it really would be such a relief, it would prevent so much unnecessary suffering.

All the people who hang themselves.
All the people who jump off high buildings and bridges.
All the people who deliberately get into auto wrecks.
All the people who drink poison.
All the people who shoot themselves.
All the people who drown themselves
All the people in unbearable pain that no medicine prevents.
All the people who are bedridden and paralyzed for life.
All the people that starve themselves to death.

None would need to suffer day after day, month after month, year after year,
or do violent horrible things to themselves, and risk even more suffering if their attempt at ctb fails. They could simply leave at a time and
place of their own choosing, with friends and family near them, in peace, and free of pain.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Exactly this

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I just sent this to Pegasos. I last emailed them in May and they wouldn't help me.

"Is there anything I can do other than wait to get a disease or old enough for someone to take me seriously?

I want to die every single day. Even on the 'good days' I would end it if it weren't for the physical pain and poor success rate involved with a traditional method. Now they have put the 'online safety bill' in place in the UK it's even harder to find methods with minimal pain involved.
I would do anything to leave this earth.
I don't want counsellors or helplines. I want a tangible solution to the problem I have.

This consumes me.
Every day I am trying to figure a way out. Logically (I'm sane), methodically, hoping I'll meet someone online or in real life who wants the same thing and we can do it together finding strength in each other.
Just because my reasons can not be ticked off in some criteria you have, does not make them any less worthy. To me my reasons are valid. Why can that not be enough?

I know you will probably either not answer me or just chat some rubbish about counselling and helplines but I have to at least say it to you in the hope that one day policy can be altered and more people can be helped to die without going through what I endure every day."

At least they replied even though it is just what I thought it would be Not their fault I suppose. Even the Swiss system has its limits.

"Dear Julie,

As an assisted dying association we have to work within the requirements of the Swiss system, we aren't able to obtain sodium pentobarbital ourselves, it needs to be prescribed to us on a case by case basis.

Your application would not be approved, so rather than waste your time and money we would strongly recommend that you seek counselling and further treatment options in your home country.
I hope that this helps to explain the situation.

Please accept our decision, we are sorry but we are unable to help you.
Kind regards and best wishes,
Damian"

 

[beelzebul]

i emailed them years ago and got a similar reply. they literally linked me to a suicide help site/hotline and said to seek counseling.

 

[Weltall]

At least they replied even though it is just what I thought it would be Not their fault I suppose. Even the Swiss system has its limits.

"Dear Julie,

As an assisted dying association we have to work within the requirements of the Swiss system, we aren't able to obtain sodium pentobarbital ourselves, it needs to be prescribed to us on a case by case basis.

Your application would not be approved, so rather than waste your time and money we would strongly recommend that you seek counselling and further treatment options in your home country.
I hope that this helps to explain the situation.

Please accept our decision, we are sorry but we are unable to help you.
Kind regards and best wishes,
Damian"

I don't know your story, but you're obviously, and desperately, looking for a way out.
Bearing the weight of what you deal with mentally is exhausting, and I'm sorry.
I do hope there are more choices for you in the future besides CBT, but we'll support you no matter what.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

i emailed them years ago and got a similar reply. they literally linked me to a suicide help site/hotline and said to seek counseling.

I wonder if anyone ever told to 'seek counselling' has actually 'sought counselling'? It's so dismissive and box ticking it's beyond belief.

I don't know your story, but you're obviously, and desperately, looking for a way out.
Bearing the weight of what you deal with mentally is exhausting, and I'm sorry.
I do hope there are more choices for you in the future besides CBT, but we'll support you no matter what.

If I can get through the next 8 years when my son becomes an adult and I can leave 'home' then I'll be okay but how to make it til then, I've no idea. It's a constant battle. He (son)is violent towards me, his school are constantly harassing me with phone calls gaslighting me with social services, I don't get on with his dad. My house is covered in mould, I don't have money for a roofer. Just everything.

 

[lachrymost]

Thanks for sharing. I do like to eavesdrop on these exchanges with Pegasos and Exit. It's a bit mysterious why some people get approved and others don't. I assume those sisters (for example) who were allowed to die together in 2022 had stuff going on that journalists had no way to know about.

Does anyone know what the specific requirements of the law even are? Just how tied are their hands? I saw someone else here say that when they asked for specifics, Pegasos was cagey.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

i emailed them years ago and got a similar reply. they literally linked me to a suicide help site/hotline and said to seek counseling.

They just don't get it do they? 'Cry for help' culture sucks.

Thanks for sharing. I do like to eavesdrop on these exchanges with Pegasos and Exit. It's a bit mysterious why some people get approved and others don't. I assume those sisters (for example) who were allowed to die together in 2022 had stuff going on that journalists had no way to know about.

Does anyone know what the specific requirements of the law even are? Just how tied are their hands? I saw someone else here say that when they asked for specifics, Pegasos was cagey.

Yes I asked for specifics once too and just got the usual 'case by case basis' stuff

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It's despicable how we are not allowed to die unless we tick certain boxes.
These people truly disgust me.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I get how they wouldn't want to be the ones administering something and complicit (although for years hangings took place and no one gave a shit about being executioner) but to give information and pain free exit medicine for someone to use as they wish is a different matter.

 

[lachrymost]

It would be nice if Damian respected that you didn't want to hear the line about seeking help. I hate when they can't help themselves but say it. Feels bad that they're not even willing to humour you that much. You'll eat the canned phrase and that's final!

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

'Damian'. If only he was THE Damian (Omen) he might want to actually kill me

 

[Kore]

I wonder if anyone ever told to 'seek counselling' has actually 'sought counselling'? It's so dismissive and box ticking it's beyond belief.

I did… lmao! What a waste of time it was. After my awkward opening speech about some of the issues I face, the counsellor literally said (no word of a lie) "and how does that make you feel?" I almost walked out at that point, but I was only 5 minutes in and paid FIFTY pounds for that session. I didn't go back for a second session and was put on a priority waiting list for free counseling - the waiting list was 14 months at the time, I forget how long it's even been now though.

14 months? Is that supposed to be suicide prevention? The UK recovery systems are useless, and it really is cruel to put all their focus into removing the methods rather than trying, if possible, to help people change their situations.

 

[carac]

Wouldn't it be nice if the BBC actually did something useful with their time and investigated the plight of suicidal people. Instead of trying to close down one of their only sources of comfort and escape, then acting like heroes for doing so.

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

Wouldn't it be nice if the BBC actually did something useful with their time and investigated the plight of suicidal people. Instead of trying to close down one of their only sources of comfort and escape, then acting like heroes for doing so.

Ikr? They don't want to help suicidal people by making therapies more available for example. Instead they want to take this forum down and make purchasing exit resources harder. Like this won't lower the amount of suicides, it will only force people into other, more painful and uncomfortable methods.
They simply just care about money and views they get, nothing else.

 

[carac]

Ikr? They don't want to help suicidal people by making therapies more available for example. Instead they want to take this forum down and make purchasing exit resources harder. Like this won't lower the amount of suicides, it will only force people into other, more painful and uncomfortable methods.
They simply just care about money and views they get, nothing else.

I think they just have this ignorant view that everyone on here are emo teens acting on impulse. They are blind to the people suffering years, if not decades in intolerable pain, with little or no help available to them

And yes they just want money and clicks like everyone else now

 

[Kore]

Ikr? They don't want to help suicidal people by making therapies more available for example. Instead they want to take this forum down and make purchasing exit resources harder. Like this won't lower the amount of suicides, it will only force people into other, more painful and uncomfortable methods.
They simply just care about money and views they get, nothing else.

Right! And people are drinking that shit up as well, did you read the actual article? It was framed like "most toxic pro-death platform linked to countless suicides…" etc.

Wonder what it would have looked like if they actually, yaknow, investigated? "Haven for like-minded individuals to gain solace by opening up with their deepest truths in a non-judgmental environment, linked to countless recoveries and many peaceful (non violent or traumatizing) exits"…

 

[ThisIsLife]

was put on a priority waiting list for free counseling - the waiting list was 14 months at the time, I forget how long it's even been now though.

14 months? Is that supposed to be suicide prevention? The UK recovery systems are useless, and it really is cruel to put all their focus into removing the methods rather than trying, if possible, to help people change their situations.

Seek help -> 14 months
Buy SN -> Police on your doorstep the next day.

 

[Kore]

Seek help -> 14 months
Buy SN -> Police on your doorstep the next day.

Do I laugh or cry at this…

 

[𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆]

most toxic pro-death platform linked to countless suicides…" etc.

And then they follow it up with "don't ever visit this site" to make sure people don't find out what it actually is.

Like sure, there are people here who are pro-death and it's very visible in some posts but it's minority and they just cherry pick those parts and lie about how whole forum is like this.

Reality is that people who search this forum to begin with already have some problems. So to say that we "convince" healthy minded people to go ctb is just insanity to me. You can't even convince mentally unstable person to ctb if they truly don't want it, let alone someone who's perfectly fine in their head.

 

[beelzebul]

I wonder if anyone ever told to 'seek counselling' has actually 'sought counselling'? It's so dismissive and box ticking it's beyond belief.

when people first starting saying that to me, i did seek counselling. and i've sought counselling for most of my life... at this point, i no longer want counselling. it hasn't helped me in any way... god forbid i try to tell anyone that, though.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I get the impression these clinics have very strict criteria to adhere to. I don't think they actually are pro-choice. They are: 'Follow our very narrow set of guidelines. We all have to agree that your life is shit before we'll agree to help you.' I actually think they'd see being suicidal as an impediment. If you look at their website- they say stuff like:

'Does Pegasos accept young, depressed or suicidal people?
Pegasos does not accept young people with depression or other severe mental illness. Rather, Pegasos will refer such applications to counselling services such as those published on the Pegasos website.'

I think it's kind of obvious who their target clients are- they'll likely want back up support from doctors etc that a person is beyond help. I get the impression they won't take the individuals word on it alone. Do you have doctors/ therapists who will support you in your decision?

I agree by the way that it sucks. Maybe in time things will change. But- probably not in our generations.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

when people first starting saying that to me, i did seek counselling. and i've sought counselling for most of my life... at this point, i no longer want counselling. it hasn't helped me in any way... god forbid i try to tell anyone that, though.

I guess it just help some people. Good for them.

I get the impression these clinics have very strict criteria to adhere to. I don't think they actually are pro-choice. They are: 'Follow our very narrow set of guidelines. We all have to agree that your life is shit before we'll agree to help you.' I actually think they'd see being suicidal as an impediment. If you look at their website- they say stuff like:

'Does Pegasos accept young, depressed or suicidal people?
Pegasos does not accept young people with depression or other severe mental illness. Rather, Pegasos will refer such applications to counselling services such as those published on the Pegasos website.'

I think it's kind of obvious who their target clients are- they'll likely want back up support from doctors etc that a person is beyond help. I get the impression they won't take the individuals word on it alone. Do you have doctors/ therapists who will support you in your decision?

I agree by the way that it sucks. Maybe in time things will change. But- probably not in our generations.

I suppose to be fair to them they have to operate within the laws. It's the law makers who are the real villains in the piece I reckon. If the legislation supported it, they could do it.

 

[letmebee1]

Tbh, I did what you did and I did not even hear back from them. I am a sane guy, and despite having a successful career, I suck socially and I know this is because I am unfit mentally. I get scared, anxious unnecessarily. Sometimes, there is so desperate need to cease to exist that I simply cry with my eyes closed and swallow my own tears. I prayed to god, evil, even to the planets, science hoping that somehow I could just leave this planet. I just wish I could die, my insurance would take care of my mom and siblings. I have even stopped talking much to my friends and relatives because I don't want them to get attached and feel bad later. I am trying to be cold and ruthless so people couldn't care less when I am gone. I know, everyday someone is leaving this planet. Everyday someone dies, it's as if, you are being played in a huge death lottery machine and waiting for your name to be popped up. It sucks. If only people had a way out, this is after genuinely trying to live, after therapy, if it's still the same one should just get the option to go. I wish, I so much wish that I could do this right now, but I am helpless. I have tried to hang myself twice, failed attempts. Tried to drown, fking people pulled me out. I just wish I could snap out of existence. I am not being selfish, people who say that people who commit suicide are selfish don't know what they are going through. They are fighting inside every second, of their every day just to keep up, survive and put a fake smile. I wish I was gone.

 

[username8888]

Tbh, I did what you did and I did not even hear back from them. I am a sane guy, and despite having a successful career, I suck socially and I know this is because I am unfit mentally. I get scared, anxious unnecessarily.

Well except the part of having a successful career I felt relatable. I am kinda average. Okay. I have no known mental disorder or anything. I am an antisocial (I guess it is not a bad think. It is just who I am). I am just curious about afterlife. It's like a positive craving for me. It's my Mars. And I know it's the right direction to go for me.

My question is, what is your job?

I am not being selfish, people who say that people who commit suicide are selfish don't know what they are going through. They are fighting inside every second, of their every day just to keep up, survive and put a fake smile. I wish I was gone.

I need more delusion to keep up with the status quo sometimes. Putting a fake smile is an important one. Lately, I feel like an NPC who is waiting for his time to come.

I agree by the way that it sucks. Maybe in time things will change. But- probably not in our generations.

Weird thing is that Switzerland allows assisted suicide for all. Their only criteria is being an adult and of sound mind. Yet, the service providers are too assholes to even put a regular inert gas system to help people to end-their life.

*sorry if my English is wrong.
I am sick of hearing troubled teens shit.

I will probably do my own Inert Gas system.

But, I wish we were just unite and set a non-organisation inert gas system in Switzerland for all people who needs. I mean, we would just put one nitrogen gas cyclinder that works and let the people die painlessly.

Even doctors and dentist in West Virginia can create free-social-dentist care. Why can't non-organisation put a damn inert gas system. I would happily donate such a non-organisation.

I mean i don't care Pegasos' 10.000 Euro Ponzi Scam. They can steal the last penny of demented old people.

I mean Switzerland's criminal code and allow is okay. But there is no trustworthy voluntary non-profit union for Nitrogen Gas method.

In this work called, The Dirty War on the NHS, West Virgina dentists there absolutely killed for profit medical system by creating a free social-dentist.

The Dirty War on the NHS (watch from 01:12:00)

Look at this:





I guess dentist system is more complex than nitrogen gases. But people do. Yes, not in the entire US, but people do.




Imagine these are not dentist in West Virginia but Nitrogen cylinders in Switzerland. I would have voluntarily helped people die painlessly if such a system had existed. Wouldn't it be cool?

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

A few suicide clinics in Switzerland are expected to take care of the deaths of almost the entire world´s population! They can ignore most of the people who write to them. Pegasos did not even respond to my email. There should be suicide clinics in all countries. But that is not the case in the society of today. I was born without my permission and I do not even have the right to die to avoid decades of pointless suffering.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Tbh, I did what you did and I did not even hear back from them. I am a sane guy, and despite having a successful career, I suck socially and I know this is because I am unfit mentally. I get scared, anxious unnecessarily. Sometimes, there is so desperate need to cease to exist that I simply cry with my eyes closed and swallow my own tears. I prayed to god, evil, even to the planets, science hoping that somehow I could just leave this planet. I just wish I could die, my insurance would take care of my mom and siblings. I have even stopped talking much to my friends and relatives because I don't want them to get attached and feel bad later. I am trying to be cold and ruthless so people couldn't care less when I am gone. I know, everyday someone is leaving this planet. Everyday someone dies, it's as if, you are being played in a huge death lottery machine and waiting for your name to be popped up. It sucks. If only people had a way out, this is after genuinely trying to live, after therapy, if it's still the same one should just get the option to go. I wish, I so much wish that I could do this right now, but I am helpless. I have tried to hang myself twice, failed attempts. Tried to drown, fking people pulled me out. I just wish I could snap out of existence. I am not being selfish, people who say that people who commit suicide are selfish don't know what they are going through. They are fighting inside every second, of their every day just to keep up, survive and put a fake smile. I wish I was gone.

Why should we even need a 'reason'? That in itself fuels this idea that it is someone else's decision. If we are sane and adult then that should be enough shouldn't it?
I wonder how many 'life savers' there are out there feeling very smug with themselves that they 'saved a life' not knowing how shit that person's life now is and how they made it worse by intervening?