Just said goodbye to my cat....

[Superfluous]

More emotional than I was expecting...



Don't remember the last time I cried so much. Can't stop.

 

[Kyrok]

Very sorry.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my beloved dog a few months back and it's been one of the hardest things for me. Our pets become our best friends and hold such special places in our hearts. Your cat was gorgeous and I'm sure he/she knew how much you loved them. <3

 

[LastFlowers]

What a beautiful kitty, I have a handful myself. I imagine they will be the last difficult thing to say goodbye to before I let the bitter end take me over. So innocent and affectionate, you can't really feel anything bad towards them like one may feel towards the rest of the world.
Very sad :/ sorry you must say goodbye to such a sweet face, I'm sure kitty enjoyed the time they had with you.

 

[iwannaendme]

Aww, she was soooo beautiful. So sorry for your loss :(

 

[JadedGray]

Such a cute kitty. I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how much of a hard time this must be for you. :(

 

[wanttodie]

so sorry

 

[Alchemist]

Poor kitty, it must be hard to lose it.

 

[Jean Améry]

I'm sorry for your loss. I have a cat too but she's rather old so I'm not sure how long she'll be able to hold out. I'd be a sad day when she'll die.

I think I'm going to pay her some attention in honour of your furry friend.

 

[Halo13]

I'm so sorry. Squeezing my pup extra tight for you.

 

[Soul]

I'm so sorry. Your beautiful cat had a wonderful life with you, felt your love and loved you too. Soft hugs

 

[toolateforme]

aw :(

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm so sorry. My horse was my brother. I sobbed for a week straight when I lost him.

 

[Superfluous]

Thanks to everyone for all your kind thoughts and support.

I should probably have tried to be more clear in my original post but I was in such an emotional state that I barely managed to post what I did. She has not passed away, but due to me being in the final stages of my own plans I had to give her to my ex to take care of and this morning was the last time I will see her. However, the loss I feel is no less painful.

I always considered myself to be lacking in empathy and rarely feel emotional about anything, but this has hit me so hard that I am beginning to question whether I really know myself at all. Maybe it's the inevitability of what is to come that is affecting my normal emotional responses, and this concerns me greatly. For the first time in a long time I'm beginning to question my decision. Unfortunately, in order to ensure that I did follow through with my plan, I've spent the best part of 10 years backing myself into a corner that is now virtually impossible to escape from.

Maybe in a few days I'll be able to see things more clearly again, but I'm currently having serious doubts and it's scaring the bejesus out of me.

 

[TiredHorse]

Just because she hasn't passed away doesn't mean the pain is any less for her having passed beyond your reach.

I am so very, very sorry.

If this alters your decision to CTB, so be it. That last step is a long and terrifying drop, and there's no harm or shame in stepping back from the edge --and I know for a fact you wouldn't be the person who has been "talked off the ledge" by her beloved cat.

As I sit here waiting for my beloved ex of 24 years to give birth to another man's child --the daughter we had fantasized about for ourselves-- I know how devastating the "inevitability of what is to come" feels. But remember: "virtually impossible to escape from" is not absolutely impossible to escape from. If you have a way out, perhaps with a cat as a guide, no one here will think less of you for exploring the escape.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I'm so glad to see all the overwhelmingly positive responses here. When I was younger I had a cat. His name was mitz. He was HUGE about 3 feet in length and a coat to match. He was a big old softie though. He was mine. My cat and only mine. He could sense emotions. I remember sitting on my floor sobbing about something and he pushed his head through the door to look and came running when he saw. He forced his whole body in my arms wrapping himself into a ball in the crevice left for him. I'd push him away and he'd come running right on back refusing to leave until I was calmed down. He'd do this no matter the emotion. One day he disappeared out of the blue. I refused to give up hope and then one day years later I broke. I was hiking a trail and I just sat there and cried my eyes out. Losing a pet is a tragedy and it's devastating and... to put it frankly.. it's just plain mean. I miss my cats and I'm sorry you're forced to go through this.
Edit: oh I'm sorry, I hadn't read all the responses yet, fully agree with what tired horse said. It's still hard

 

[Halo13]

Just because she hasn't passed away doesn't mean the pain is any less for her having passed beyond your reach.

I am so very, very sorry.

If this alters your decision to CTB, so be it. That last step is a long and terrifying drop, and there's no harm or shame in stepping back from the edge --and I know for a fact you wouldn't be the person who has been "talked off the ledge" by her beloved cat.

As I sit here waiting for my beloved ex of 24 years to give birth to another man's child --the daughter we had fantasized about for ourselves-- I know how devastating the "inevitability of what is to come" feels. But remember: "virtually impossible to escape from" is not absolutely impossible to escape from. If you have a way out, perhaps with a cat as a guide, no one here will think less of you for exploring the escape.

Very well put. The mere idea of giving away my dog almost brings me to tears. I know I'll have to eventually and it tears me up. He's a rescue who was beaten, neglected and starved as a puppy and he struggles to trust anyone but me. I'm so afraid his new owner won't understand his special needs and idiosyncrasies. He is like the son I don't have and the only reason I am still here, period.

About your beloved: I can't imagine how painful that must be however it makes sense in the finality to ctb. I sincerely wish life could have turned out differently for you. I'm sorry.

 

[Superfluous]

Again, many thanks to those who have taken valuable time and effort to provide me with the emotional support I needed in my brief moment of crisis.

I'm back on track now. I have arrived at my chosen location and will spend my remaining time here. Any future updates will be posted in different threads.

It's a shame that my post seems to have triggered such a negative reaction from one user. For obvious reasons I can't name the user, but it saddens me that some people don't seem to fully understand the true purpose of this forum. It is not simply a place where people can come to find help and advice on how to ctb, but also a haven for those with serious issues that cannot be discussed elsewhere and a community that is both understanding and sympathetic to the needs of others.

On a final note, I can honestly say that this is the best forum of any type that I have used and I am honoured to be part of this wonderful community.

 

[Exile]

My 19-year-old cat is my reason for living. She's very loving and I can't stand the thought of losing her.

 

[Jean Améry]

Thanks to everyone for all your kind thoughts and support.

I should probably have tried to be more clear in my original post but I was in such an emotional state that I barely managed to post what I did. She has not passed away, but due to me being in the final stages of my own plans I had to give her to my ex to take care of and this morning was the last time I will see her. However, the loss I feel is no less painful.

I always considered myself to be lacking in empathy and rarely feel emotional about anything, but this has hit me so hard that I am beginning to question whether I really know myself at all. Maybe it's the inevitability of what is to come that is affecting my normal emotional responses, and this concerns me greatly. For the first time in a long time I'm beginning to question my decision. Unfortunately, in order to ensure that I did follow through with my plan, I've spent the best part of 10 years backing myself into a corner that is now virtually impossible to escape from.

Maybe in a few days I'll be able to see things more clearly again, but I'm currently having serious doubts and it's scaring the bejesus out of me.

No worries. In my mind it's a good thing to get to know oneself better and rethink one's convictions from time to time. You obviously do not need to CTB unless it's fully your decision.

Of course I don't know your circumstances so I'm not going to insult you by guessing but you seem to be a thoughtful person so perhaps you could reflect on possible ways to improve your situation. Perhaps you could sketch your circumstances so we could chime in.

 

[tomz323]

I am sorry, I know it is horrible to loose a pet.

 

[LastFlowers]

I actually wrote my response thinking your cat had not passed away but you had to leave them behind, then I saw other people's responses and smacked myself for not realizing the cat had passed away. Only then to come back on here and see you clarify that it was indeed for the former reason.
So silly.
Either way my other comment still stands.
And I wish you the best no matter how you decide to play things out.
Didn't see the angry user, maybe their response was removed or im just blind.
Don't know how anyone could get mad in a thread with a picture of such a cute cat. And such a pure, well-meaning farewell.

 

[Superfluous]

I actually wrote my response thinking your cat had not passed away but you had to leave them behind, then I saw other people's responses and smacked myself for not realizing the cat had passed away. Only then to come back on here and see you clarify that it was indeed for the former reason.
So silly.
Either way my other comment still stands.
And I wish you the best no matter how you decide to play things out.
Didn't see the angry user, maybe their response was removed or im just blind.
Don't know how anyone could get mad in a thread with a picture of such a cute cat. And such a pure, well-meaning farewell.

They created a separate thread indirectly referencing mine

 

[Superfluous]

Just a final update. She's settled well in her new home, and is in a much better environment with more space and access to the outdoors.

Recent pics and videos:



View attachment WhatsApp Video 2019-06-05 at 10.38.48.mp4
View attachment WhatsApp Video 2019-05-28 at 16.51.06.mp4

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm sorry she you had to say goodbye to her, I hope she likes at your exes place

 

[Superfluous]

She loves it and I'm happy she's there.

 

[Severen]

Well what matters is that she will be well taken care of after you are gone. Because sooner or later, you will have had to say goodbye to her, anyway. Everything in our lives are nothing but tear drops in the rain, just like Roy Batty said in the movie Blade Runner.

 

[Superfluous]

Indeed. I did it at the right time and she's adjusted well. I'm confident she's in good hands.

 

[Rukia]

Such a cute kitty :)

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Awwww, she is the cutest little fluff ball ever!