just need a place

[uniqueusername39]

i just need a place. i have SN, meto, and paracetamol. i really want to do it in the comfort of my own room. but im worried about the death rattle sounds i may make, if they're going to be loud enough to alert my parents of anything going wrong. or if i start vomiting violently, that would definitely be concerning. it shouldn't happen since i would have an antiemetic regime, but that is still something im worried about.

of course i'd do it in the middle of the night where everyone's asleep and their guard is down. i would be discovered by morning for sure, but the thought of my poor mother seeing me shakes me. i cant imagine what she'd do after she unlocks the door when she realizes it's 2 pm and i havent come down for either breakfast or lunch yet. she'd notice my body's all blue and she'd call my dad to come home. i wonder if they'd still take me to the hospital despite the fact that i wouldnt have any pulse by the time they reach me. i'm really blanking out on what they'd do next, because in their position i wouldn't know what to do. how do you even prepare people for your death?

doing it in a hotel would be better for my parents, because at least they wouldnt have to be the ones dealing with my remains, and the risk of interruption is greatly reduced. i dont have any experiences with going to a hotel. would i even be comfortable enough to lie down in a foreign place? i want to hold my huge teddy bear but i'm not sure if i could bring him outside with me without causing any suspicion.

this is so selfish, but despite all this, i really want to do this in my room. i have to choose between reducing interruption risk and my parents' pain, and my own comfort.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, I wish that there's the option to just easily die in peace without any risks or complications. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Weltall]

i just need a place. i have SN, meto, and paracetamol. i really want to do it in the comfort of my own room. but im worried about the death rattle sounds i may make, if they're going to be loud enough to alert my parents of anything going wrong. or if i start vomiting violently, that would definitely be concerning. it shouldn't happen since i would have an antiemetic regime, but that is still something im worried about.

of course i'd do it in the middle of the night where everyone's asleep and their guard is down. i would be discovered by morning for sure, but the thought of my poor mother seeing me shakes me. i cant imagine what she'd do after she unlocks the door when she realizes it's 2 pm and i havent come down for either breakfast or lunch yet. she'd notice my body's all blue and she'd call my dad to come home. i wonder if they'd still take me to the hospital despite the fact that i wouldnt have any pulse by the time they reach me. i'm really blanking out on what they'd do next, because in their position i wouldn't know what to do. how do you even prepare people for your death?

doing it in a hotel would be better for my parents, because at least they wouldnt have to be the ones dealing with my remains, and the risk of interruption is greatly reduced. i dont have any experiences with going to a hotel. would i even be comfortable enough to lie down in a foreign place? i want to hold my huge teddy bear but i'm not sure if i could bring him outside with me without causing any suspicion.

this is so selfish, but despite all this, i really want to do this in my room. i have to choose between reducing interruption risk and my parents' pain, and my own comfort.

There is nothing selfish about being comfortable in one of the most difficult decisions you'd ever have to make.
You obviously deeply care about the well-being of your family, as you don't want to harm them.
You are already a beautiful person just for that consideration by itself.

You've already started attributing values to the different scenarios, which is rational.
While I cannot give you direct advice, please look into other threads for location ideas.

Please consider all the options in front of you with a clear mind that is not affected by your emotions.
No matter what, it's your choice, and we'll support you.