I'm thinking about ctb and I think I got it how i want to do it. It's just When I'll do it I just don't want to come back, i don't want to wake up with some injury or something, at the same time I'm thinking about my family will they be sad ..how they'll recover or will they remember me in the first place. I'm alone i feel okay and uneasy about it time to time, my mom always say i complain a lot about not getting anything, but now I wonder is it what it is. Or is it about not getting something in a right way, I'm ok with getting less, but if I have to struggle for the bare minimum, is really ok everytime...? ...I think I grew up too fast, never enjoyed my childhood ... always fighting for bare minimum was trying to build a life, but i failed i think..now it's too late. Few good memories I have, yet when i think about those i remember mom reminding me or more like taunting me taht i did enjoy, why am I complaining, I'm getting more than i deserve. I never had a really true friend, maybe I don't understand people idk. All I can think about is the ctb. I'm really tired.
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