Just mixed my SN. Help.

[JJJune]

This is what I want, I've made up my mind but I can't strike up the courage right now for some reason. I suppose I'm worried of failing, that would geniunely make my life even worse. I took the tiniest taste off of a spoon I used to mix and spit it out, salty but very doable I think. I don't know. I'm not sure where to go from here. Could use some kind words.

 

[liberty_222]

Hi. How are you doing? I'm here for you.

 

[JJJune]

My heart is racing I'm really anxious. Not about death or what I'm leaving behind or whatever. I just really don't want to fail and I guess I'm scared to take that chance now that I have the opportunity.

 

[liberty_222]

It's okay. Take two deep breaths and then think about it. Let yourself calm down and then decide what you want to do.

 

[JJJune]

It's okay. Take two deep breaths and then think about it. Let yourself calm down and then decide what you want to do.

It's what I want. I guess I wish someone could do it for me. Maybe I'll start a countdown or something.

 

[bed]

My heart is racing I'm really anxious. Not about death or what I'm leaving behind or whatever. I just really don't want to fail and I guess I'm scared to take that chance now that I have the opportunity.

this may be because you taste-tested it, which is not advised. If the symptoms progress and you are unsure of what you want to do you can always call for help.

 

[liberty_222]

It's what I want. I guess I wish someone could do it for me. Maybe I'll start a countdown or something.

You could do that.

 

[JJJune]

I feel like I could chug it and then instantly regret it

 

[OnlyTheWind]

Make sure you have anti-emetics, else you are likely to vomit. Have a second glass prepared in case you do. If you just tasted a little and spat it out, you should be fine.

 

[liberty_222]

I hear you. Since you've already ingested a little, I'm worried it could already make you sick. Drink a lot of water if you want to abort and throw up whatever you took.

 

[JJJune]

this may be because you taste-tested it, which is not advised. If the symptoms progress and you are unsure of what you want to do you can always call for help.

I am just a nervous, anxiety-ridden person. Like i didn't even taste the liquid itself I touched the spoon with my tongue after it came out of the water. Nothing was really swallowed.

 

[liberty_222]

I am just a nervous, anxiety-ridden person. Like i didn't even taste the liquid itself I touched the spoon with my tongue after it came out of the water. Nothing was really swallowed.

If you're nervous and not sure, think this through once. Please.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I am just a nervous, anxiety-ridden person. Like i didn't even taste the liquid itself I touched the spoon with my tongue after it came out of the water. Nothing was really swallowed.

You'll be alright, but as advised, maybe you should take a step back and consider if you are ready.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I am just a nervous, anxiety-ridden person. Like i didn't even taste the liquid itself I touched the spoon with my tongue after it came out of the water. Nothing was really swallowed.

The best trick to quiet anxiety is to prepare, prepare and overprepare -- from someone with anxiety. This can ruin many parts of life, because it can be exhausting doing this for many social things, but for dying it makes heaps of sense because it's the last thing you'll ever do.

If you do not feel fully prepared then you can always stop here and come back to it later. Try make sure you do everything to reduce your doubt that it will fail.

Have you followed an antiemetic regime?

Have you taken an antacid?

Do you have any Benzos ready?

Have you taken painkillers for the headache?

Do you have an armchair to sit in while you pass out so you do not choke on vomit?

Do you spare cups with SN ready Incase of vomit, so that your body absorbs enough of the substance to block the oxygen?

Are you sure you are alone for 24-48 hours so that you won't be found and revived with methylene blue?

Have you mixed the right amount of SN for your body weight? (Some people think less grams is better (5-10g) as it lowers chance of vomiting, but others suggest 15g to 20g for lethality confidence).

It might sound like I'm trying to rile up your anxiety, but I just think you'll feel most calm after carefully planning all of this out. I have anxiety so I know.

 

[liberty_222]

I don't think 24-48 hours are necessary but maybe 8 hours should do

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I don't think 24-48 hours are necessary but maybe 8 hours should do

Yeah but for anxiety purposes, I think it is the most comforting. I'd actually say 12 minimum (midnight until noon), but each to their own.

 

[needed_]

we are here with you, keep posting if it helps you

 

[Someone123]

I feel like I could chug it and then instantly regret it

This gets into a tough area for this site legally and ethically- if a person is uncertain about whether to ctb then no one should encourage them to go over the edge- just the opposite really. If you think this is possible then you should stop this attempt and sit back and think about it for a while- take a couple of weeks and reach out to others who care about you and see if they can help you feel better, especially if you have parents who care about you- you don't have tl tell them, everything, just see if you can get some of the caring that you need. If you are this uncertain I believe you should step back and re-assess things. Best of luck.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

This gets into a tough area for this site legally and ethically- if a person is uncertain about whether to ctb then no one should encourage them to go over the edge- just the opposite really. If you think this is possible then you should stop this attempt and sit back and think about it for a while- take a couple of weeks and reach out to others who care about you and see if they can help you feel better, especially if you have parents who care about you- you don't have tl tell them, everything, just see if you can get some of the caring that you need. If you are this uncertain I believe you should step back and re-assess things. Best of luck.

I do think encouragement is totally unethical, but this site is about providing the capacity for everyone to make the decision. If they are unsure, then a blanket statement of "maybe this isn't for you" is also too simplistic, ethically. Perhaps they could be escaping pain beyond our imagination, but are naturally feeling anxious to go through with it due to lack of confidence in the method.

Reassessing is always good, though. I just hope we don't slip into a reframing of encouragement being anything that isn't active discouragement.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

If I were you, I would take a step back mentally, calm myself down as much as I can and try to think rationally about my decision. This is a irreversible decision and definitely should not be taken lightly. You should be completely confident in what you want to do before taking that metaphorical leap. Either way, we are definitely here for you.

 

[JJJune]

I just chugged it. I'm fucking terrified.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I just chugged it. I'm fucking terrified.

Can always call for help as long as you're concious if you feel you made the wrong decision . Other than that, I am deeply sorry life has led you to this decision and I wish you everlasting peace if you go. *hugs*

 

[AlexKy]

I just chugged it. I'm fucking terrified.

Oh my! I wish you safe travels! If you change your mind its not to late to call for help! But if this is what you want, safe travels my friend and may your soul find peace and joy in eternety!

 

[liberty_222]

I just chugged it. I'm fucking terrified.

Are you okay...

 

[Dot]

MyB clld 4 hlp

 

[blueclover_.]

This gets into a tough area for this site legally and ethically- if a person is uncertain about whether to ctb then no one should encourage them to go over the edge- just the opposite really. If you think this is possible then you should stop this attempt and sit back and think about it for a while- take a couple of weeks and reach out to others who care about you and see if they can help you feel better, especially if you have parents who care about you- you don't have tl tell them, everything, just see if you can get some of the caring that you need. If you are this uncertain I believe you should step back and re-assess things. Best of luck.

I mean everyone this site always says that it's an individual CHOICE whether to CTB or not, no one was encouraging OP to CTB? Everyone was encouraging OP to think through his decision, either CTB or not it's up to OP.

I just chugged it. I'm fucking terrified.

Safe travels bud. I hope you find peace.

 

[LostMyWorld]

Are you there? What happened?
I hope you found or find peace….

 

[Dot]

I mean everyone this site always says that it's an individual CHOICE whether to CTB or not, no one was encouraging OP to CTB? Everyone was encouraging OP to think through his decision, either CTB or not it's up to OP.

Safe travels bud. I hope you find peace.

Dnt thnk persn ws accusng n.e1 of encourgng - thnk ws jst clarifyng wht cn sy 4 own answr aftr o.p ws strgglng 2 ctb. Agree no.1 encourgd o.p 2 d/ n.e.thng.

 

[blueclover_.]

Dnt thnk persn ws accusng n.e1 of encourgng - thnk ws jst clarifyng wht cn sy 4 own answr aftr o.p ws strgglng 2 ctb. Agree no.1 encourgd o.p 2 d/ n.e.thng.

Fair. I hope those journalists see that though. We are pro-choice here, not pro-life or pro-death.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I hope you find peace.

I'll add, I wanted to ask whether you might regret chugging because you weren't certain about ctb or because you didn't want to fail. I wanted to know what you felt deep down you really wanted. These questions are difficult to think about and answer on the day of ctb, so I personally wished we had spoken together before today.

So in the spirit of hope you're still with us, feel free to talk. I feel like this is long enough after the attempt that I'm not interfering with your ctb attempt (I only just read this thread) and of course it may be impossible to change anything now. I hope you find peace whatever happens next.

This is really hard to write. It's many different emotions for many people on here and writing a public post means one thing that might help someone might make another feel down. I just wanted to make sure, that ctb, was the right decision for OP personally.