FailureToAll
Student
- Sep 9, 2023
- 114
Venting yet again. I know I'm annoying and vent too much but idk what else to do with my emotions. Im just so angry at myself, I hate myself more than anything and the anger is boiling inside me and I just want to end my life. I ordered a rope that arrives tomorrow. Yet I don't even have anywhere in the house that seems strong enough to support my weight because I'm a disgusting fat pig. I wanted to order SN but I was too scared my parents would see the package or I would get a wellness check or something. I know I could try to find a place to hang outside but I don't even leave my house because of anxiety the fear of just someone seeing me outside in general is terrifying nevermind the fear of someone finding me trying to hang myself and then it also feels not worth the risk because SI will probably stop me. My self harm urges are so high, if I can't kill myself I want to punish myself atleast but I already have multiple wounds healing and I don't have enough dressings right now. I punched myself a lot but I didn't even bruise. I wish I had alcohol so I could atleast drink. I just need to do something self destructive I'm so angry at myself, I hate everything I do and everything I am. I'm disgusted. I want to stab myself, if only I were brave enough for that. I deserve pain and suffering I deserve a slow painful death but I'm too scared and pathetic to actually do that. Im so fucking tired of being this person who fucks up every single thing, I'm greedy, I'm mean, I'm toxic, I'm jealous, I lack boundaries, I lack self control, I'm self destructive, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm a useless burden, my existence is pointless all I do is create problems for others and make their lives worse. I've lost track of all the people I've ever hurt, I'm so selfish.
