Venting Just crying my toughs out

[yuan-A04]

Lately i've been feeling i can't keep up just holding all i feel.

I had 1 person who i ever tlaked about this but due to a lot of things he moved and now he is not aviable everytime,he still hears me tough.

I tried to ctb a few times but i failed,this started when i was young but i always said "am not gonna live so long" but here i am, its been a long since i last tried but idk where am gonna get, and that keeps me awake at night, and all the things am gonna mention, they dont just make me sad i can't stop thinking about all that and sometimes i cant even sleep.

Right now i just hold on little things like watching an anime, playing some videogames, listening music or reading something. It does help me, when am doing it i disconect and remember nothing else, you could say am happy, the problem is that when it ends, i snap back to reality, to remembering the things i was escaping from.

This has kept me from doing what i like, i do want to do these thing but with this tough comes the "but it will end" that is allways in my mind.

There is a lot more but my brain just works from time to time.

(This is my first post i feel so ashamed rn, i usually think off this as silly thing but teeling it like this feels like am victimizing myself because there is people that is having it worse) plz dont judge me

 

[tiltedcompass]

I understand the whole "disconnecting yourself from reality by doing the things you like", except that when I come back it's more of a "oh right, nothing will get fixed and I'll continue suffering". I don't get that sensation of everything ending at some point, but I can assure you many others do.

I also didn't think I was going to live this long. I almost regret not dying sooner, but there's nothing I can do about it. Don't worry about being judged, we're all here for the same reason, some in different circumstances than others. I'm glad you're able to put your emotions into words.