I found this site thanks to The New York Times and I really appreciate them for this, despite likely not intending me to join it heh. Well, I have a very shitty life that was of my own doing I will admit, but now I feel that life has gotten too much and I feel that the world will be better off without me in it. I live with my parents due to being poor as heck and as a result of my screw up, I have to share my finances with my dad, I was almost kicked out of their house like 3 times (each for a different reason) and got hit so often that my nasal lateral septum wall collapsed and they have the gall to not know what caused it. I have a two college degrees (AS and BS) but can't find a good paying job anyfreakingwhere, I am what many people in the world call an "autistic retard" and oh ho ho ho, if people say that being called a name won't bother you after a while, well they are either ignorant, stupid, or lying since I feel terrible about being considered that.
I have a girlfriend I met on a dating app (which is a big no no since the reason why my life is so shitty is because of dating apps and "people" on them) and we do like each other a whole lot. I have tropical parrots that enslave me (pet joke) to do their every bidding. I also have a younger sibling.
My younger sibling tried to ctb by taking like 20 Tylenol pm's and cutting their wrists with a very blunt knife about a year ago due to one of our cats running away somehow (we were always very careful). However they quickly regretted their attempt and told my dad what they did because he'll be less freaked out than our mother who did freak out. They were taken to the hospital and given the usual charcoal meds to stop poisoning and sent to an institution which they were very worried about because the sexes are not separated.
I don't have any opinion on their attempt, only that they clearly were just doing a spur of the moment thing and immediately regretted it. However, due to my position being far far far worse than them, I feel that I should have something just in case things get way worse for me.
I bought some pink curing salt from Amazon with the usual 6.25% sodium nitrite because I read that people were ctb using this stuff, it was easily attainable, and it was relatively quick and less brutal. However, I had to throw it away because I said something regarding it to a college counselor and my stupid autism brain can't keep their thoughts to themselves. I had to throw it away just in case so that I wouldn't be put into a group home or institution like my sibling. However, I felt terrible since that salt was the only thing I had which proved I had control over my life, now I read on the SN post that I'd need the stronger stuff to work and I wasted about $8-11 on useless stuff.
I know my girlfriend would tell me to not go through with it and just keep going to counseling but honestly with the state of the world, I cannot solve my problems with just "talking" like a wimp. Also, I do not give a half ounce of deep fried shit what my parents think if they find my lifeless corpse since corpses do not think or feel anything.
I looked everywhere for the strong SN in Houston but can't find jack. What should I do?
I have a girlfriend I met on a dating app (which is a big no no since the reason why my life is so shitty is because of dating apps and "people" on them) and we do like each other a whole lot. I have tropical parrots that enslave me (pet joke) to do their every bidding. I also have a younger sibling.
My younger sibling tried to ctb by taking like 20 Tylenol pm's and cutting their wrists with a very blunt knife about a year ago due to one of our cats running away somehow (we were always very careful). However they quickly regretted their attempt and told my dad what they did because he'll be less freaked out than our mother who did freak out. They were taken to the hospital and given the usual charcoal meds to stop poisoning and sent to an institution which they were very worried about because the sexes are not separated.
I don't have any opinion on their attempt, only that they clearly were just doing a spur of the moment thing and immediately regretted it. However, due to my position being far far far worse than them, I feel that I should have something just in case things get way worse for me.
I bought some pink curing salt from Amazon with the usual 6.25% sodium nitrite because I read that people were ctb using this stuff, it was easily attainable, and it was relatively quick and less brutal. However, I had to throw it away because I said something regarding it to a college counselor and my stupid autism brain can't keep their thoughts to themselves. I had to throw it away just in case so that I wouldn't be put into a group home or institution like my sibling. However, I felt terrible since that salt was the only thing I had which proved I had control over my life, now I read on the SN post that I'd need the stronger stuff to work and I wasted about $8-11 on useless stuff.
I know my girlfriend would tell me to not go through with it and just keep going to counseling but honestly with the state of the world, I cannot solve my problems with just "talking" like a wimp. Also, I do not give a half ounce of deep fried shit what my parents think if they find my lifeless corpse since corpses do not think or feel anything.
I looked everywhere for the strong SN in Houston but can't find jack. What should I do?
