Discussion Just an into

[sleepy10]

Hey guys I'm not sure if anyone will read this or care but I'm new here. i had planned to take my life on Halloween i used to LOVE the holidays now they are just the most heart-breaking thing for me. I have lost everything in my life for no real reason other than the fact i ended up in a mental hospital for a week the way i describe what happened is like my brain just cracked and then scrambled like scrambled eggs. i was seeing things that weren't there and then when i came out of it i realized i had lost my boyfriend, family, friends, job, and even my home. I lost a ton of weight then gained a ton of weight very quickly. I am now living at my mother's house, so attempts are very difficult considering she is bound and determined to keep me alive. i took 27 sleeping pills shortly after Halloween and that wasn't enough to do the trick it basically put me in a coma for about 24 hours. i remember hearing my mom screaming like i have never heard anyone scream in my life and she eventually got me to "wake up" but my body was very limp she then proceeded to knock on my door every 15 minutes. i do remember feeling very close to death there was a point were i couldn't feel or move my arms or legs then i went into a deep sleep but my mind was still there. my heart raced for just a second but i was able to calm myself down then everything went black until i heard my mom scream and i believe she started shaking me thats when i realized i wasn't dead. Im not sure if ill have the courage to do it again and that sadsdens me more i believe i eventually will im just not sure exactly how. maybe a gunshot to the head but i hate the thought of my mother finding me like that even more she would never be the same i just don't know what to do i am done living i am a complete failure and a true loser i am ready for it to be over.

 

[shiny_quill]

I understand this is a difficult situation and I hope you find a solution that makes you comfortable, but know you should never force yourself to live (or die) for others. You are who's most important in such a monumental decision.

 

[sleepy10]

I understand this is a difficult situation and I hope you find a solution that makes you comfortable, but know you should never force yourself to live (or die) for others. You are who's most important in such a monumental decision.

Thank you so much i really apricate that.

 

[drennedrat]

this sounds just like my situation. i was doing well then my bipolar caused me to have a psychotic episode that put me into a ton of debt and ruined my life. it truly sucks. i hope things get better for you no matter what happens. just know you're not alone <3

 

[sleepy10]

this sounds just like my situation. i was doing well then my bipolar caused me to have a psychotic episode that put me into a ton of debt and ruined my life. it truly sucks. i hope things get better for you no matter what happens. just know you're not alone <3

Thank you for that. It's crazy because once you come out of it it's like you're scrambling to figure out what in the heck happened. and who/what to blame but in reality it was just your brain that went haywire. My doctor said it could be schizophrenia because that can lay dormant until around my age i know this sounds crazy but i wish the diagnosis would have been terminal cancer because at least that can kill you in a designated time frame with mental illness it seems that the only way to pass on is by our own hand. it's almost like a cruel sick joke the universe or God is doing too us. if you don't mind i have some questions, I'd like to ask you about what happened to you.

 

[drennedrat]

Thank you for that. It's crazy because once you come out of it it's like you're scrambling to figure out what in the heck happened. and who/what to blame but in reality it was just your brain that went haywire. My doctor said it could be schizophrenia because that can lay dormant until around my age i know this sounds crazy but i wish the diagnosis would have been terminal cancer because at least that can kill you in a designated time frame with mental illness it seems that the only way to pass on is by our own hand. it's almost like a cruel sick joke the universe or God is doing too us. if you don't mind i have some questions, I'd like to ask you about what happened to you.

i feel very similarly to you. like with other illnesses there are blatant symptoms and a due date for death whereas diseases like bipolar and schizophrenia are also really deadly just in a way society hates. and yes ask away! you can pm or ask me here. psychosis is one of the worst things ever and it's rare to find somebody who can relate.

 

[sleepy10]

i feel very similarly to you. like with other illnesses there are blatant symptoms and a due date for death whereas diseases like bipolar and schizophrenia are also really deadly just in a way society hates. and yes ask away! you can pm or ask me here. psychosis is one of the worst things ever and it's rare to find somebody who can relate.

exactly, it doesn't make any sense to me and maybe it never will. i tried to PM you but it wouldn't let me which was weirdest I'm still new so maybe I'm doing something wrong could you send me an initial message or i can ask here too.