Venting Just a rough day

[Unsure and alone]

I'm so tired of how this feels.

Of days it's so hard to just get up and do little things.

Basic self care .

Of the need to cry but the tears don't come.
Or they start to come and then stop only part way.

There's no relief from not crying when you really need to.

I hate how it doesn't even always make sense.

I had a rare really good day yesterday

But Today I feel hunger but don't wish to eat
I feel tired but can't sleep.
I just want out

But somehow it's not time yet .

I want life to feel better
But I'm struggling to make the changes


I'm just so very stuck Today

I wish someone cared .
I wish I didn't feel so alone
I wish there was someone I could let know how I'm feeling.

I wish I could let someone help me choose to eat
Encourage me to make the next calls needed in what places I am trying to get medical help.
Like for the insomnia.

I wish it were safe to just break down and let it all spill out.

But that risks a damn psych ward and I don't want people to hurt me again.


I'd be willing to try some new meds or solutions within reason.
actually if I weren't so scared of the wrong kind of help.