feuerflieger
i only exist
- Oct 9, 2023
- 30
i don't really know where to start. its ten past eleven and im sitting on my balcony listening to music, smoking a cigarette with a water bottle filled with wine next to me.
i've been living at a social institution (for people with mental illness) after an unsuccessful attempt two years ago. at first life was getting better but the last year i've been getting worse and worse. i don't see no point in living.
i don't want to get a job and spend the majority of my day doing something society requires me to do just to be able to afford the basics for my body to survive. how is that supposed to be a life?
without getting into detail too much, i have to move to a different institution this january/february. a place i do not want to be at but the place where i live now doesnt want me anymore because they cant help me. im pretty sure no one can at this point. i know whats 'wrong' with me but nothing helps on the long run. the place im supposed to move to is about two hours away from my two friends who are currently the only reason im still alive.
that move will be the end of me but not in the way i would like it to be. i wanted to give life one more chance, together with my friends but this is not the way it would work out.
sorry this is so disorganised. i just needed to write down some of my thoughts. theres so much more but my attention is gone already. i hope you guys have a better day/night.
i've been living at a social institution (for people with mental illness) after an unsuccessful attempt two years ago. at first life was getting better but the last year i've been getting worse and worse. i don't see no point in living.
i don't want to get a job and spend the majority of my day doing something society requires me to do just to be able to afford the basics for my body to survive. how is that supposed to be a life?
without getting into detail too much, i have to move to a different institution this january/february. a place i do not want to be at but the place where i live now doesnt want me anymore because they cant help me. im pretty sure no one can at this point. i know whats 'wrong' with me but nothing helps on the long run. the place im supposed to move to is about two hours away from my two friends who are currently the only reason im still alive.
that move will be the end of me but not in the way i would like it to be. i wanted to give life one more chance, together with my friends but this is not the way it would work out.
sorry this is so disorganised. i just needed to write down some of my thoughts. theres so much more but my attention is gone already. i hope you guys have a better day/night.
