Oblivion
Wizard
- Aug 2, 2018
- 610
I have located an abandoned under construction building that is 12 floors high (about 36 meters).
i finally found a way to get in, there is a place where the wall is low and i can jump in from there, i will try to go up there next week, hopefully there are no locked doors leading to the roof.
on the day that i will jump i will not sleep, i will not eat, this would make my mood a lot messier, i will get absinthe 90% and finish the bottle, lastly in the middle of the night i will jump, i will land on a plain flat concrete floor, i want to be on the floor and roll over to my side until i fall down, hopefully this would make me land with my body, my neck would immediately break and my head would crash open.
any ideas/suggestions?
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Venting note
every time i come close to executing a ctb method, my brain plays tricks on me, it makes me believe unrealistic thoughts like my life is perfect (yes, it makes me believe that, bypassing my cognitive functions, inserting a belief into my belief system immediately before logical reasoning, motherfucker wants to force me to stay alive) and then makes me feel this insane amount of hope, things i cannot fucking control, but i know the truth and i know it's all bullshit, i won't let it win this time, yet the idea of ending it all, leaving everything behind (although i have nothing) it's devastating. the beautiful mountain scenery and the cool breeze air up there when it's scorching hot on the coast, the beautiful sunsets on the beach and late night cruises, these are the only things i enjoy in life but i can't even afford them anymore cause my small business went bankrupt and i'm in debt and i have nothing. i need to do this, i am determined, i will not fail, i wish someone can push me from up there but that's not an option, i have to do what needs to be done.
i finally found a way to get in, there is a place where the wall is low and i can jump in from there, i will try to go up there next week, hopefully there are no locked doors leading to the roof.
on the day that i will jump i will not sleep, i will not eat, this would make my mood a lot messier, i will get absinthe 90% and finish the bottle, lastly in the middle of the night i will jump, i will land on a plain flat concrete floor, i want to be on the floor and roll over to my side until i fall down, hopefully this would make me land with my body, my neck would immediately break and my head would crash open.
any ideas/suggestions?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Venting note
every time i come close to executing a ctb method, my brain plays tricks on me, it makes me believe unrealistic thoughts like my life is perfect (yes, it makes me believe that, bypassing my cognitive functions, inserting a belief into my belief system immediately before logical reasoning, motherfucker wants to force me to stay alive) and then makes me feel this insane amount of hope, things i cannot fucking control, but i know the truth and i know it's all bullshit, i won't let it win this time, yet the idea of ending it all, leaving everything behind (although i have nothing) it's devastating. the beautiful mountain scenery and the cool breeze air up there when it's scorching hot on the coast, the beautiful sunsets on the beach and late night cruises, these are the only things i enjoy in life but i can't even afford them anymore cause my small business went bankrupt and i'm in debt and i have nothing. i need to do this, i am determined, i will not fail, i wish someone can push me from up there but that's not an option, i have to do what needs to be done.
