worthless creature
useless
- Mar 23, 2025
- 23
i was able to get keep going for a bit, i met someone and they made me feel loved. fast forward 3 months and they told me they do this all the time. they fall in love, love bomb, and then get distant and drive people away.
i have had a long fight with my suicidality and bpd. after my last almost 2 year long relationship i attempted 2 times. i've moved states now and no one close to me knows really where i live.
tomorrow is my birthday, my girlfriend hasn't reached out or replied to anything in almost a week. we've been planning to do something nice for my birthday because i haven't celebrated it since i was 14 (something always happens. my last one when i was 14 my mother tried to kill herself in front of me, so i never have tried again since then).
i feel like my life is crumbling and everything we've planned for the future. 3 months from now, a year from now, and talking about us growing old i felt like i really had a chance to be happy.
she came over and threw away my SN and anything else i could use to OD i've stored up over the last year.
now i feel so empty, everything i was hoping in life i had and just like that it's gone of no fault of mine. i am resorting to partial suspension or jumping off the bridge here where i live. it's 400 ft down to the water.
when i've OD i lose consciousness and then sadly wake up in the Emergency Department. im looking for answers if that height is tall enough, i don't fear pain. but i worry i will finally feel something painful when i hit the water or worst case scenario down. i guess im just looking for answers to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow.
i have had a long fight with my suicidality and bpd. after my last almost 2 year long relationship i attempted 2 times. i've moved states now and no one close to me knows really where i live.
tomorrow is my birthday, my girlfriend hasn't reached out or replied to anything in almost a week. we've been planning to do something nice for my birthday because i haven't celebrated it since i was 14 (something always happens. my last one when i was 14 my mother tried to kill herself in front of me, so i never have tried again since then).
i feel like my life is crumbling and everything we've planned for the future. 3 months from now, a year from now, and talking about us growing old i felt like i really had a chance to be happy.
she came over and threw away my SN and anything else i could use to OD i've stored up over the last year.
now i feel so empty, everything i was hoping in life i had and just like that it's gone of no fault of mine. i am resorting to partial suspension or jumping off the bridge here where i live. it's 400 ft down to the water.
when i've OD i lose consciousness and then sadly wake up in the Emergency Department. im looking for answers if that height is tall enough, i don't fear pain. but i worry i will finally feel something painful when i hit the water or worst case scenario down. i guess im just looking for answers to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow.
