Antihistamines usually make you sleepy, but that is not their main function.
Yes, I understand that hypnotics are not miraculous, as doctors call them, but I have been taking them for many years and I am certain that they will help me in some way, 2 hours after taking 1, looking from the laundry room window to the window from where I'm going to jump, I don't have so many doubts or contrary thoughts, so I suppose that 2 of them, which would be 20 mg of zolpidem, which in the package insert indicates that it is considered a benzodiazepine, will help me more to have a dull head .
I have been doing a lot of nightlife for years, I never fall asleep before 2 a.m. and I won't drink anything until my father goes to bed around that time. I will also try to have a light dinner, a French omelette or something like that, so that once I take the pills , it doesn't take long for the stomach to start processing them. I can fight sleep, being in that state should help me not think too much as I climb up, roll over to sit down and then flop down.
I haven't drunk alcohol since I was 18, they always advise against it for the reason you mention and because it relaxes the muscles, which apparently causes minor injuries, which I don't understand because a relaxed body would not offer resistance to an impact and would break. whatever is hit? No idea, but in my case at least I wouldn't use alcohol.
As I said, I think we must avoid thinking about what will happen next, limit the brain to not think beyond the gesture that will make us fall, not think about the fall, how we will fall, possible injuries, if they find us... nothing , not think about any of that, put up a mental barrier, (which costs a lot) and do it. I think we can practice that and get a good result.
@blackandwhite Do you know what day you want to do it? I think that right now, in this thread, we are the 2 closest to doing it.
It happens to me that, when I sleep little or badly, the rest of the day I am like a zombie, depressed and without desire for anything, with a cloudy mind, maybe that also helps me, I suppose it happens to anyone of us, except the depressive part .
hi friend. As i said, it clearly depends on anyone. I just try to share my own perspective from the past weeks (and assumption that seems logical to me).
Definitely over thinking seems to be counter productive. this is maybe where a little bit of meditation can help, lets say in the hour before the attempt, to calm your nerves and block the thought; but nothing more, it' won't really change the SI.
Yes i'm thiking about it too; we are closedto it.... in our bubble... i looked the forum a bit and honnestly, this is interesting at some point but rather weird to see people raving so much about suicide, and yet be present here since months or years (not judging at all, i understand it is difficult and i understand they feel familiar to this atmosphere) but i'm personnaly here because i wanted to inform myself about different methods and because i'm on the way to do it... When will i do it? Probably very soon, from a night to another, within a week if possible, it's a matter of days now.
I was reading about hanging (partial or full) today. I always thought it was about asphyxia and it appeared very cruel and painful method. I just discovered it's more about blocking the blood from carotids (and finally be able to breath). So it's supposed to make you pass out wihtin 10-15 seconds, but dying within minutes (5 to 10 probably) without feeling the agony (but nothing sure, some say they regain consciousness during the process...). The thing is this method is known to be one that need the most serious organization and even practice... And i have no time to waste. So maybe i will try a test on partial next days to see what's going on, to give mean alternate possibility, and keep myself a bit busy and focus during the day.
for some reasons i find the jump more straight, fast and easy. It is just about a very strong SI, but i think it can be done, nothing impossible. SI is just very strong to make us panic and discourage us but it's also a mind/body illusion and in case of a jump it's nothing more than less a second of will and action, you just let go your hand from the railing, end of story. Just that, simply open your hand (or make a jump depending the spot). I don't think it's more difficult than waiting minutes or hours by poisonning. Even hanging seems to demand lots of practice to make it right. You still have one jump to make (so same as us) and after that you will be panicked a lot, maybe pass out within 20 seconds, but if not, whats going on if you stay consious 5 to 10 minutes suffocating on your rope?
But yeah friend we are pretty close to it. In the past i would have been interested to try share with the other member, i'm sure we have plenty common points and empathy. But i'm already on the way to conclude it, as you. If we succeed, this would have been the last link we made with someone else, a last connection with another human beging, a deep one about our final destination... it's not nothing... we don't know each others at all, but there is something beautiful and powerful into this exchange, while this could be our last.
If i fail to make my conclusion in this month of june (basically in the next two weeks), i will take a bit of time, some months to prepare another plan with SN. But i don't think about it as an option, because i just want to end it quickly and my situation is precarious and surely been homeless within a month. I'm just conscious, my SI already blocked me since weeks so i'm just prepared this could happen unfortunately.
Today I went to a psychiatrist who is an expert in BPD, my illness. He has been, without a doubt, the best doctor I have encountered in 20 years. In addition to telling me part of his life and his family's history of suicide, he told me without hesitation that most psychologists don't care about patients, that he does too, but not all of them. He has been hilarious.
He has prescribed me fluoxetine and topiramate, since I have told him everything in detail, I will not take it and the plan still stands.
He has been trying to persuade me for a long time, almost the entire hour. And curiously, he later told me that if I take a bottle of whiskey and 2 boxes of zolpidem I will have certain death. I have told him that it is hell to kill yourself with pills, that he thought he wanted me to go into a coma and be hospitalized for half my life. In addition to not drinking alcohol, he would be unable to drink a bottle of anything. My body would vomit first from the alcohol, and then from the pills, the body is wise. If you put a toxin in a large quantity, the first thing it does is expel everything that is in the stomach. Besides that it is extremely painful
The bastard laughed and confessed that he had no way to catch me. But I found it incredible that a professional would give me advice like that, even though I could lose his job. A good man in my opinion.
He has also told me that there is no way to cancel the SI, although I still think that some medication can do it. We will never know...
oh, one point i forgot... about alcohol and relaxing muscles.... It's physical, actually if muscles are relaxed they will absorb the impact better and protect the body better... That's why a stressful body, tensed by stress, cold or anything is better.... It could appear counter intuitive but if muscles are tensed, they will protect less the body and organs, the more smooth the more absorption....
once again it is a detail i don't care much about in my case. I'm very skinny, tall and skinny, so my muscles are not that important relaxed or not. I know i just need to fall on my back, neck and/or head impacted violently and i'm done.
Honnestly the more i read things or test (i was testing strangulation by hands to try find this sweetspot for hanging, didn't succeed fully but you can already feel a little something, blood is not blocked totally but partially) and actually this thing is not painful. The human body isnt masochist. If things get too intense, we have standby modes (coma...) to block feeling more. I have no doubt, some methods are more painful than others etc, like evrything but i think SI is tricking us, feeling like it's unbelievable pain and agony that waits for us. But you confirmed (as other things i've read) that the jump method isn't painful, you smashed your legs and several bones violently, you were totally conscious yet not feeling a thing.... I think when you shot your head with a gun, it happends so fast and the brain is so shocked instantly that there's no time and place for any feelings.... People who endured car accident or different kind of trauma, never talk about the pain, eventually they talk about the fear they felt for an instant, understanding what was happening just before the black out.
And usually with the body, pain is not always about intensity in fact but the duration. The longer, the more painful. For example when you suffer from teeth, or a simple cutoff, it's not that painful intensively talking. It's the fact that it doesn't stop or calm down for hours or even days, that make it horrible... On the other hand if you destroy your ankle the pain could be more intense but at some specific short moment (when you hit of if you try to walk with it). As far as you lay down onto your bed, it's ok.
Anyway all this speech to say, that many methods, especialy the quickest ones, seems not so painful. We are simply tricked by our culture, seeing hollywood movie where dying is always awful agony, when actually it clearly depends what kind of death. And our SI also, this combination make us imagine some agony and pain, that are in fact imagination. And once again, i clearly think that the quickest methods assure the least painful. Pain is often not about intensity, but about the lenght. People suffering hardly with some tuff desease have hard times mostly because it stays for days, weeks, months....
