Venting Jealousy.

[oxymoron]

Does it make you feel jealous that people around you are healthy and happy and living their best lives but you are not? I wonder how life can be unjust to some of us and make us crave for death more than anything else. Things fall apart right in front of our eyes. The future is inseparable from the present and the present is painful beyond solace. It amazes me how things can turn so bad. Most of us live our lives one day at a time. Hopelessness permeates the entire mental domain and nothing except the thought of death brings a faint smile across our faces. Why though? Why us?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Does it make you feel jealous that people around you are healthy and happy and living their best lives but you are not?

EXTREMELY!

 

[Architect]

My circumstances may be different, but I understand what you are saying.
I'm trying to find a reason to not kill myself, but as I go on I just feel like I'm going deeper and deeper in this dark place that everybody around me just seems to ignore...

OP, why do you want to ctb?

 

[Halo13]

Not as much as I once did upon realizing how many "happy" people aren't anywhere near as happy as they pretend to be. For those who genuinely are, yes. I wonder why they have an easy life while I suffer physically, mentally and emotionally on a daily basis. They wouldn't survive a week in my shoes yet are the first to say "cheer up, it's not so bad!" or some cliché. They don't understand what it is like and act like it's all fixed so easily - that makes my blood boil.

You're a good writer, by the way @oxymoron

 

[vulturecyclop]

Hmm not really...I'm jealous of whoever was able to obtain N before all this mess. I mustered up the courage to email A way too late.

 

[Asta]

@Halo 13 - Could it be that optimism and positive feelings are in their genes or dna? Maybe it's inherited? When some families get together, they laugh and always have fun. Then there are others who squabble and bicker like my aunts and uncles. Actually, only the four eldest - the last four were always cheerful. I'm not jealous - just wish I could feel that happiness for more than a few days at a time!
P.S. Have been with a person from that happy family for 33 years - he has never been down or depressed for even one day! And then he's stuck with old gloomy gus - me!

 

[oxymoron]

Not as much as I once did upon realizing how many "happy" people aren't anywhere near as happy as they pretend to be. For those who genuinely are, yes. I wonder why they have an easy life while I suffer physically, mentally and emotionally on a daily basis. They wouldn't survive a week in my shoes yet are the first to say "cheer up, it's not so bad!" or some cliché. They don't understand what it is like and act like it's all fixed so easily - that makes my blood boil.

You're a good writer, by the way @oxymoron

Thanks! What use are of writing skills if my existence isn't of any? I'm here, present, because my life is. I revisit my past to keep myself occupied and happy. There's absolutely no meaning to my existence and this senseless suffering I go through each day. What you've said about putting them in our shoes is beyond correct.

 

[Darkhaven]

To be honest, yes, that makes me feel like shit.
I can't have what other people have.
I'm unable to make/have friends; i'm unable to love other people; i'm unable to find joy in anything;
It makes me feel completely stranded, almost like an alien among men.

 

[oxymoron]

To be honest, yes, that makes me feel like shit.
I can't have what other people have.
I'm unable to make/have friends; i'm unable to love other people; i'm unable to find joy in anything;
It makes me feel completely stranded, almost like an alien among men.

Some people and some lives. Not all. But, some. Doomed for eternity.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I'm not jealous. I just assume everyone is wearing their "pleasant face to show the world" mask. Some people believe that it isn't polite to go around in the world spreading negativity and whining about their problems so they try to wear a pleasant expression. I believe that and I try to wear a pleasant expression. I guess I no longer assume that people who act "ok" are actually ok. It's amazing what people can hide.

 

[Halo13]

@Halo 13 - Could it be that optimism and positive feelings are in their genes or dna? Maybe it's inherited? When some families get together, they laugh and always have fun. Then there are others who squabble and bicker like my aunts and uncles. Actually, only the four eldest - the last four were always cheerful. I'm not jealous - just wish I could feel that happiness for more than a few days at a time!

Maybe so. Or it could simply be some families really do like each other and get along. I'm the black sheep however when my cousin and I would get together years ago at holidays and such, we'd have a great time because we had a similar sense of humor, interest in music, movies, etc.

I suppose it could come down to many factors: is their happiness and laughter optimism or joy to see missed loved ones? Are they tight knit or occasional visits? Let's not forget some people who laugh/smile the most are sometimes the most unhappy (like Robin Williams). Also, some families can show their love by bickering; they mean no real harm in the end. I know what you mean though because my grandmother was a perpetually happy person while the rest of us were pretty sarcastic, introverted, cynical and moody.

It could also come back to how the family members were raised in their formative years - learning life perspectives, coping skills, an optimistic outlook such as "it could always be worse, be grateful", etc. If the family grew together and bonded well, it would likely be the laughing, smiling families you're describing. Pretty unlikely a dysfunctional or broken family would be so chipper (though it does happen, of course). My family has a long history of suicide and severe depression so I'd imagine the opposite is true.

Grass isn't always greener on the other side, though!

 

[Lary]

Sometimes I feel jealous. Sometimes I feel angry. I so wanted to have a family that loved me and accepted me as I am. Some people have a family like that and they don't value. It seems so unfair.

 

[oxymoron]

Sometimes I feel jealous. Sometimes I feel angry. I so wanted to have a family that loved me and accepted me as I am. Some people have a family like that and they don't value. It seems so unfair.

True. I'm either depressed, sad or raging with anger when the sadness turns into anger. What a life!

 

[oxymoron]

My circumstances may be different, but I understand what you are saying.
I'm trying to find a reason to not kill myself, but as I go on I just feel like I'm going deeper and deeper in this dark place that everybody around me just seems to ignore...

OP, why do you want to ctb?

Depression and health issues

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I do get jealous when I see people I know going on holidays 3 or 4 times a year (not always aboard) then having the audacity to say they never get a break, by then I just want to throat punch them, as I can't even afford a weekend away.
I get jealous when I see mothers and daughters having amazing relationship, were as mine with mine broke down the moment I was born
I hate being jealous think its a horrid trait but its built into my fucked up mind

 

[oxymoron]

I do get jealous when I see people I know going on holidays 3 or 4 times a year (not always aboard) then having the audacity to say they never get a break, by then I just want to throat punch them, as I can't even afford a weekend away.
I get jealous when I see mothers and daughters having amazing relationship, were as mine with mine broke down the moment I was born
I hate being jealous think its a horrid trait but its built into my fucked up mind

Hmm. What I can't find an answer to is why do only some of us suffer so much.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Hmm. What I can't find an answer to is why do only some of us suffer so much.

because we are forced into this world, we live, life is a bitch, we then die. I get told so many times life is what we make it, hell no, I have tried countless times to become a better person, but my upbringing always drags me back to hell, to the point im comfortable here now

 

[oxymoron]

because we are forced into this world, we live, life is a bitch, we then die. I get told so many times life is what we make it, hell no, I have tried countless times to become a better person, but my upbringing always drags me back to hell, to the point im comfortable here now

But what's the point of this senseless suffering?

 

[Soulless_Angel]

But what's the point of this senseless suffering?

We didn't choose it, thats the part that pisses me off, if we had a choice I think the world would be a different place, as is, we need to deal with the shit suffering that we have been handed and sort it in the best way we can, if that means we chose to end it, then we should be respected for that!

 

[suffering]

Not quite. I am only envious of those who have the courage to end it whenever they want. It's them who are truly free.

 

[Enigma]

I am both envious and angry of those who have everything go right for them; from the family they were born into, to the partner they have. I know women who haven't worked for anything, but they live like a princess because of their wealthy husband. Often it is said, nobody has everything but that is a lie. I have known people who have it all, and only out of good fortune. Happiness doesn't seem to be in the cards for me. This is why I've had enough. Something happened recently that has made me lose all hope. The love of my life no longer wants to marry me because I don't want to have children. I don't want to live anymore, he meant the world to me and still does.

 

[k75]

Ummm... Sort of. I'm not jealous of everyone, though.

Jealousy might not even be the right word. And I only really feel it if I get caught in the trap of directly comparing myself to other people who went through a similar tragedy I did but had a better outcome.

Even then, it just fuels my depression and sense of hopelessness, rather than being any sort of true jealousy.

 

[Talpa]

Yes, very much so. What's especially infuriating is how so much about your life is predetermined before you were even born through the financial and social standing of your family or through your genetics, for example looks, physical and mental health. People that won the genetic lottery or have a nice family have a VIP pass for life. I can't imagine it to be anything but a very easy, care-free, joyous, pleasure-trip. Just remember how it was in school. And then I look at me and how every day feels like I'm just crawling through shit. I can't help but feel envy and anger on an almost daily Basis.

 

[oxymoron]

Yes, very much so. What's especially infuriating is how so much about your life is predetermined before you were even born through the financial and social standing of your family or through your genetics, for example looks, physical and mental health. People that won the genetic lottery or have a nice family have a VIP pass for life. I can't imagine it to be anything but a very easy, care-free, joyous, pleasure-trip. Just remember how it was in school. And then I look at me and how every day feels like I'm just crawling through shit. I can't help but feel envy and anger on an almost daily Basis.

Hmm, sadness turns into anger.

EXTREMELY!

What can we do? There's nothing we can do. Sit and watch as your life fades away at one shitty day at a time.

 

[malummo]

I'm jealous of all those who point out the middle finger to the fucking primal fear.

 

[Painted Bird]

Not jealous. All their "happiness" is either fake or just short-lasting, it will be gone soon enough. I couldn't be truly "happy" in a horrifying world we live in. "Yay, I'm healthy and rich while billions suffer, not my problem."

 

[oxymoron]

Not jealous. All their "happiness" is either fake or just short-lasting, it will be gone soon enough. I couldn't be truly "happy" in a horrifying world we live in. "Yay, I'm healthy and rich while billions suffer, not my problem."

Ok, happiness is ok. What about health?

 

[saomao]

I have 7 months now, I'm rotting alive, I suffer 24/7 body and mind and I'm getting worse day by day, I'm watching my life, my brain and my body getting destroyed and I can't do nothing about it. Before this happened to me I was the happiest person on earth, now I'm jealous even the animals

 

[Lovedove]

Does it make you feel jealous that people around you are healthy and happy and living their best lives but you are not?

I feel like a lot of this is a facade and people aren't necessarily 'living their best lives'. I think social media is a massive issue with regards to this.

If you check my Facebook page for instance, in the last month, there is a post from me getting a great new job with about 45 likes/comments on it. There are posts from me visiting a friend abroad, photos of me on a tropical beach, pictures of me and friends drinking glasses of bubbly. Photos from friends birthday parties. A photo of a nice meal. A photo where I have nice make up or clothes on.

Although these events really did happen and were lovely, my Facebook friends don't know that on Sunday I was laying in bed breaking down in tears every hour. My Facebook friends don't know I had to get signed off from my previous job with anxiety and depression for two weeks. My Facebook friends see the glam night out, but not the torturous comedown the next day where I genuinely cannot bring myself to go upstairs for a glass of water because I cannot bare to bump into any house mates or deal with social interaction. My Facebook friends don't see me worrying about my weight after that nice meal. My Facebook friends didn't see the absolute state of my overdrawn bank balance after that little trip abroad. My Facebook friends didn't see me worrying about how I was going to make my rent because I blew too much money on sh*tty cocaine or other unwholesome things to try and numb my brain, and asking my Dad to please lend me money. My Facebook friends don't see the rejection emails or ignored applications from the 6 interviews I have attended in the last month. My Facebook friends don't see me visiting this forum.

Things are not always as they seem.. I think sometimes when we are low, we can automatically think everyone has it easier than us but if you look a little bit deeper.. There was that Chinese proverb that said something like; we have three faces, one that we show the world, one that we show our family and friends and one only we know..

This is just another perspective though. Of course I know the feeling of jealousy, to look at happy couples snuggling up in bus stops in seemingly perfect relationships when I feel so lonely. To see someone of my age afford to travel round the world, when I am stuck in an office being prodded and poked by the powers-that-be on £15,000+ a year more than me that I am not good enough. To watch a beautiful woman not need any make up and to look stunning (although beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right?). To watch someone consume 1000 calories in one sitting and not have an ounce of fat on them. To see people that have been born into privileged back grounds that have had everything handed to them on a plate. But above is just another side of the coin...

 

[letmeseethedeath]

Does it make you feel jealous that people around you are healthy and happy and living their best lives but you are not? I wonder how life can be unjust to some of us and make us crave for death more than anything else. Things fall apart right in front of our eyes. The future is inseparable from the present and the present is painful beyond solace. It amazes me how things can turn so bad. Most of us live our lives one day at a time. Hopelessness permeates the entire mental domain and nothing except the thought of death brings a faint smile across our faces. Why though? Why us?

i can totally relate. everyday i see happy and healthy people while i'm in a bad status and doctors don't even know what i have; they are using me like an experiment with medicines. also i'm jealous people can sleep at night while i cry every night. so jealous they sleep and they growing up, but it didn't work for me and now people laugh at me because i'm short and i have small hands etc.
i see people really happy and engaged with somebody else, i don't even know what it is. i only know pain. i only crave for death. i only wish everyday is the last day i live. i hope, if there's someone in the sky, he makes me die soon