I've spent 4 months in the hospital this year and one month just laying in bed rotting.
I was working 7 days a week in the coldest winter of my life, and just when the weather started to warm up , in mid March I attempted to hang myself and ended up in the psych ward. After a doctor who didn't give a shit and 2 months of beating myself up I was released. Then I slept for 13 hours and immediately tried to hang myself again.
Ended up in another even worse psych ward that had bugs crawling in the bathrooms and only thing to do there was watch tv. Ended up with akathisia from the medications they gave me. Family had to come and get me so I could leave and got me to move back home.
Moved back home across the country and ended up in a third psych ward. They gave me medications that do nothing. I wonder if ketamine therapy or psychadelics therapy might help? Could it give me a will to live? I don't know because I never really had one.
I really just want to be gone at this point. I know I am hurting myself and my family, and I want to get out of this, but I have no idea where to start. I am just way to negative and mentally weak and I give up on everything. I cant imagine a better life for myself. It feels like I'm in hell and I chose it. But I just feel completely helpless. I just eat junk food and waste my time on the internet all day. I would like to find a way to die that makes it look like an accident. Then maybe it wont be as painful for my family. I'm sorry to everyone for being so weak and selfish. I just want it to end.
I was working 7 days a week in the coldest winter of my life, and just when the weather started to warm up , in mid March I attempted to hang myself and ended up in the psych ward. After a doctor who didn't give a shit and 2 months of beating myself up I was released. Then I slept for 13 hours and immediately tried to hang myself again.
Ended up in another even worse psych ward that had bugs crawling in the bathrooms and only thing to do there was watch tv. Ended up with akathisia from the medications they gave me. Family had to come and get me so I could leave and got me to move back home.
Moved back home across the country and ended up in a third psych ward. They gave me medications that do nothing. I wonder if ketamine therapy or psychadelics therapy might help? Could it give me a will to live? I don't know because I never really had one.
I really just want to be gone at this point. I know I am hurting myself and my family, and I want to get out of this, but I have no idea where to start. I am just way to negative and mentally weak and I give up on everything. I cant imagine a better life for myself. It feels like I'm in hell and I chose it. But I just feel completely helpless. I just eat junk food and waste my time on the internet all day. I would like to find a way to die that makes it look like an accident. Then maybe it wont be as painful for my family. I'm sorry to everyone for being so weak and selfish. I just want it to end.
