I've given up on recovery.

[NoLoveNoHope]

As the title says, I've given up on recovery! I just don't see any point in continuing further as I generally don't like existence or sentience. I will make this clear this is NOT a goodbye thread, I am not catching the bus just yet.

I've done some research and I think SN is the best choice of method available - not as peaceful as I'd want it to be but it'll do. If you have any advice or information regarding it I'll love to hear. I'm going to buy from IC so if anyone has experiences with IC I'd love to hear it.

I tried recovery and failed - despite everyone cheering me on it's fallen short. I'm thinking about using the rest of my life to advocate for pro-choice and voluntary euthanasia.

I want to thank everyone here for supporting me or talking to me. So many of you are amazing people although my time is running short. If anyone has any requests for resources I could help compile and create I'd love to participate.

 

[HOPING]

I'm sorry you're feeling down, that really sucks. But listen, trying new things can be super helpful in getting out of a funk, you know? Just start small, maybe try a new food or go for a walk in a different park. Don't stress about being the best at it, just focus on the experience of trying something new at least before CTB. And hey, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. We all need a little support sometimes. Hope this helps.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I'm sorry you're feeling down, that really sucks. But listen, trying new things can be super helpful in getting out of a funk, you know? Just start small, maybe try a new food or go for a walk in a different park. Don't stress about being the best at it, just focus on the experience of trying something new at least before CTB. And hey, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. We all need a little support sometimes. Hope this helps.

I really never go outside and I think I was just saying I want to recover because I didn't want to admit that I wanted to CTB. It's not really a panic decision.

I appreciate the advice although I don't think I can really take it realistically. I really don't want to be here in this world - I don't trust others. I won't live for another person again.

 

[Zegers]

I really never go outside

why you don't go outside often?

 

[HOPING]

I really never go outside and I think I was just saying I want to recover because I didn't want to admit that I wanted to CTB. It's not really a panic decision.

I appreciate the advice although I don't think I can really take it realistically. I really don't want to be here in this world - I don't trust others. I won't live for another person again.

Yeah, I get where you're coming from, i am not speaking about recovering just so you know, trying new stuff isn't gonna fix everything if you're dealing with suicidal thoughts. That being said, trying new things can still be a good way to find some glimmer of enjoinment before CTB. You don't have to be around a ton of people or do anything social - just find something that you used to love or have always wanted to try. take a try you have nothing to lose literally, Take it one step at a time and remember that there's hope for you to feel better.

 

[TheSadStranger]

As the title says, I've given up on recovery! I just don't see any point in continuing further as I generally don't like existence or sentience. I will make this clear this is NOT a goodbye thread, I am not catching the bus just yet.

I've done some research and I think SN is the best choice of method available - not as peaceful as I'd want it to be but it'll do. If you have any advice or information regarding it I'll love to hear. I'm going to buy from IC so if anyone has experiences with IC I'd love to hear it.

I tried recovery and failed - despite everyone cheering me on it's fallen short. I'm thinking about using the rest of my life to advocate for pro-choice and voluntary euthanasia.

I want to thank everyone here for supporting me or talking to me. So many of you are amazing people although my time is running short. If anyone has any requests for resources I could help compile and create I'd love to participate.

I'm sorry to hear that you've given up. I am no stranger to pain. I've been through abuse and literal torture all of my life. I've loved and lost. I recently got diagnosed with (3C) stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer. I have 13 months left to live. I just want you to know that I will never give up on someone who needs help and wants it. I will help them as long as I am able. I want to give others what I never had in my short life...hope. Who knows maybe even happiness. I want to be there for people who don't have anyone. I want to help others who can't help themselves. I want to try to give anyone who's willing to listen a new lease on life. I may get called a bleeding heart, but I deeply care about everyone on this site who makes a post. It breaks my heart to see these types of posts. I am no "pro-lifer", but I do want to make sure everyone is making sound minded choices. After all it's your life. I'm not saying you should go back to recovery. What I am saying is don't give up unless you are absolutely 100% certain what you're doing is a sound minded decision.
As much as I would like to save everyone I can't because it's not my life and it's not my decision.
I hope you can find peace in your decision.

I hope only the best for you.
Stay safe

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

why you don't go outside often?

Social anxiety mostly, I feel like everyone's watching me. I have social anxiety disorder and have for a while - even here sometimes I get really scared people hate me or it's someone I know who hates me.

I'm just petrified of going anywhere, I went to a shopping center once and I looked like the biggest idiot. Everyone was watching me, It's hard for me to ask questions as well since I'll look even more of an idiot.

I look really weird as well, tall and very skinny. I have very long hair to hide my face since I don't like people looking at it. I just look like a total lunatic and just don't fit in. I just do everything at home now. It's so much easier.

Yeah, I get where you're coming from, i am not speaking about recovering just so you know, trying new stuff isn't gonna fix everything if you're dealing with suicidal thoughts. That being said, trying new things can still be a good way to find some glimmer of enjoinment before CTB. You don't have to be around a ton of people or do anything social - just find something that you used to love or have always wanted to try. take a try you have nothing to lose literally, Take it one step at a time and remember that there's hope for you to feel better.

I'll try to take it, as long as it's not too scary for me. Do you have any recommendations?

I'm sorry to hear that you've given up. I am no stranger to pain. I've been through abuse and literal torture all of my life. I've loved and lost. I recently got diagnosed with (3C) stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer. I have 13 months left to live. I just want you to know that I will never give up on someone who needs help and wants it. I will help them as long as I am able. I want to give others what I never had in my short life...hope. Who knows maybe even happiness. I want to be there for people who don't have anyone. I want to help others who can't help themselves. I want to try to give anyone who's willing to listen a new lease on life. I may get called a bleeding heart, but I deeply care about everyone on this site who makes a post. It breaks my heart to see these types of posts. I am no "pro-lifer", but I do want to make sure everyone is making sound minded choices. After all it's your life. I'm not saying you should go back to recovery. What I am saying is don't give up unless you are absolutely 100% certain what you're doing is a sound minded decision.
As much as I would like to save everyone I can't because it's not my life and it's not my decision.
I hope you can find peace in your decision.

I hope only the best for you.
Stay safe

I appreciate your kind words. I'll do my best to have fun and be happy in my time left.

Sorry if this comes off as rude, it's not my intention but has anyone told you that you sound a lot like Walter White? I just found it a bit funny, so sorry if it's a bit insensitive.

I hope you can live out your last 13 months in pure happiness, you seem like a very kind person - you did not deserve your cancer.

 

[TheSadStranger]

Social anxiety mostly, I feel like everyone's watching me. I have social anxiety disorder and have for a while - even here sometimes I get really scared people hate me or it's someone I know who hates me.

I'm just petrified of going anywhere, I went to a shopping center once and I looked like the biggest idiot. Everyone was watching me, It's hard for me to ask questions as well since I'll look even more of an idiot.

I look really weird as well, tall and very skinny. I have very long hair to hide my face since I don't like people looking at it. I just look like a total lunatic and just don't fit in. I just do everything at home now. It's so much easier.

I'll try to take it, as long as it's not too scary for me. Do you have any recommendations?

I appreciate your kind words. I'll do my best to have fun and be happy in my time left.

Sorry if this comes off as rude, it's not my intention but has anyone told you that you sound a lot like Walter White? I just found it a bit funny, so sorry if it's a bit insensitive.

I hope you can live out your last 13 months in pure happiness, you seem like a very kind person - you did not deserve your cancer.

Ouch that hurt laughing. Yes I have gotten that before. Ironically my biological father was a big time drug kingpin. Now he's got 20 years

 

[HOPING]

I'll try to take it, as long as it's not too scary for me. Do you have any recommendations?

That's great to hear that you're willing to try something new! I'm proud of you for taking that step. As for recommendations, it really depends on what you're interested in. Maybe you could try doing something creative like painting or drawing. If you like being outdoors, you could go for a walk or hike in nature. When I'm feeling down, I like to take a walk in the woods behind my neighborhood. It's empty and peaceful, and I listen to music while I let my thoughts run free. You could also try learning a new skill, like playing an instrument. The key is to find something that you're genuinely interested in and that feels safe and comfortable for you. And remember, it's okay to start small and take it one step at a time. You got this!

Do you have any recommendations?

If you have a passion like drawing, consider turning it into a career and pursuing your dreams. The sense of accomplishment you'll feel from achieving your goals can help dispel any negative thoughts you may have had. If not, I'm not sure what else to say to you.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

That's great to hear that you're willing to try something new! I'm proud of you for taking that step. As for recommendations, it really depends on what you're interested in. Maybe you could try doing something creative like painting or drawing. If you like being outdoors, you could go for a walk or hike in nature. When I'm feeling down, I like to take a walk in the woods behind my neighborhood. It's empty and peaceful, and I listen to music while I let my thoughts run free. You could also try learning a new skill, like playing an instrument. The key is to find something that you're genuinely interested in and that feels safe and comfortable for you. And remember, it's okay to start small and take it one step at a time. You got this!

If you have a passion like drawing, consider turning it into a career and pursuing your dreams. The sense of accomplishment you'll feel from achieving your goals can help dispel any negative thoughts you may have had. If not, I'm not sure what else to say to you.

I do like art although drawing is not my type of thing, I do like writing lyrics whenever I feel something strong emotionally though. Being outside not really my thing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also dislike existing and see it as being something that is so incredibly futile. It's good to hear that you plan to advocate for the right to die, as of course to me it's very important that nobody is forced to resort to risky methods, humans deserve a way to peacefully free themselves from this existence they were so unfairly forced to endure. But anyway best wishes.

 

[man_in_red:)]

Hey recovery isn't for everyone. I am sure you will be happier and more free without a body to imprison your soul in. Also quite noble of you to advocate for those rights.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Ouch that hurt laughing. Yes I have gotten that before. Ironically my biological father was a big time drug kingpin. Now he's got 20 years

haha I'm glad I could make you laugh, hope things turn well for you though <3

 

[Catastrofe]

Do you have any recommendations?

I would pick something super specific, like... find out everything you can about elevators (who invemted them, why, what kind of elevators do exist, how they work, etc). Doew not need to be that, just something you are interestes in, to have some fun with it. But this advice is half serious and half a joke :)
To be in the nature is also possible indoor, buy some indoor plants and flowers and learn something about them.. does it sounds goos to you?
Let us know what you will dive into :)

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I would pick something super specific, like... find out everything you can about elevators (who invemted them, why, what kind of elevators do exist, how they work, etc). Doew not need to be that, just something you are interestes in, to have some fun with it. But this advice is half serious and half a joke :)
To be in the nature is also possible indoor, buy some indoor plants and flowers and learn something about them.. does it sounds goos to you?
Let us know what you will dive into :)

Might do something with art or maybe the right to die or something similar. I'll let you know what I decide to do.

 

[Zegers]

I look really weird as well

I suffer a physical disability so i understand you quite well i look like an alien. fml.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I suffer a physical disability so i understand you quite well i look like an alien. fml.

Yeah I hate looking the way I do so I just cover myself up as much as possible, most of my friends haven't even seen my full face before. Absolutely awful since I really want to be pretty but oh well ig.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Yeah I hate looking the way I do so I just cover myself up as much as possible, most of my friends haven't even seen my full face before. Absolutely awful since I really want to be pretty but oh well ig.

why do you think you look weird?

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

why do you think you look weird?

I'm so skinny you can see my bones, my hands look straight up demonic, I have the jawline of a greek god and to cover up how absolutely hideous I am I need to wear hoodies and long pants in pure heat as well as my condition preventing me from walking correctly.

I just look down and hope nobody is staring at me despite knowing full well someone is looking directly at me. I am quite literally a walking "I'm insecure don't stare please" but that's still better than what I actually look like.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I have had a similar fear for a long time, which I have recently gotten over. It was about subconscious fears / traumas, where I was afraid of getting hurt.

They were from the early past, when I was bullied and belittled. I was afraid that someone would make fun of me when I felt insecure about myself.

The fact that I found people in whose company I was sometimes at my weakest helped me - I understood that they do not naturally want to judge or harm me.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I have had a similar fear for a long time, which I have recently gotten over. It was about subconscious fears / traumas, where I was afraid of getting hurt.

They were from the early past, when I was bullied and belittled. I was afraid that someone would make fun of me when I felt insecure about myself.

The fact that I found people in whose company I was sometimes at my weakest helped me - I understood that they do not naturally want to judge or harm me.

I'm learning to let go of my fears even if it's small steps, some things just matter more than my fear in my little time left. Accepting I'll CTB has sort of helped but I'm hoping getting it ready would help me truly live free and without fear.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I'm learning to let go of my fears even if it's small steps, some things just matter more than my fear in my little time left. Accepting I'll CTB has sort of helped but I'm hoping getting it ready would help me truly live free and without fear.

You want to be free, but to adapt to life, you have to live with other people. It would be helpful if you learned how to act and heal traumas so they don't dominate your life.

 

[aubrey!]

welcome to the club. here's to the path of sorting out ctb.

it really is a shame they force us to sit around, suffering, knowing that we'll only eventually die a more painful death.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

You want to be free, but to adapt to life, you have to live with other people. It would be helpful if you learned how to act and heal traumas so they don't dominate your life.

I'll try it out after all I have nothing to lose anymore. I feel like I actually need my trauma strangely enough to motivate everything I do - otherwise I'll just be a shell of a human.

I remember hearing this about a fiction character so I'll quote it from memory: "They're like a bunch of loose character traits than an actual human." I think personally it fits me since I've gone through ego death and have made it a point to detach myself from my identity although it never actually fully developed.

My life lacks adrenaline - something to fear, something to lose and it's been on my mind for a while, I just don't know how to get it without losing every moral conscious or well, the morals I hold myself up to today.

It's actually really strange because I'm so desensitized by everything around me, my first thought that comes to a hypothetical situation I'll go with being a hitman I guess. My first thought would be how do I escape with doing the hit instead of the morality of doing what I'm doing - it feels like I'm a machine with a simple goal with no rules to follow and will pick the most ruthlessly destructive path.

I know that aligns with psychopathy or being a sociopath although I heavily doubt that's the case and it's more short-term than a lifelong condition.

I know I went on a rant for a while although I do find the topic interesting I guess

 

[SorrowfulDrugUser]

Regardless of which decision you end up making, regardless if its catching your ticket to the bus or recovering and moving onward. We are here to support you, your taste in music is great, and from the smalls convos I've had with you it's sad to see you were forced into this position as you are clearly suffering. If you do go through with CTB, I pray everything goes smooth. If you ever need someone to chat with then feel free to send a chat :)

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Regardless of which decision you end up making, regardless if its catching your ticket to the bus or recovering and moving onward. We are here to support you, your taste in music is great, and from the smalls convos I've had with you it's sad to see you were forced into this position as you are clearly suffering. If you do go through with CTB, I pray everything goes smooth. If you ever need someone to chat with then feel free to send a chat :)

Thanks so much for the kind words, I hope it goes smoothly too. I appreciate your offer, will do. <3

 

[HOPING]

Thanks so much for the kind words, I hope it goes smoothly too. I appreciate your offer, will do. <3

Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Have you made any decisions?

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm sorry recovery didn't work out for you. I gave up on that idea for myself a long time ago when I was still trying, but realized I just wasn't feeling it. I never even mentioned SaSu to my last therapist, and I don't see the need to find another one.

If you're certain that SN is right for you, then hopefully you get it without any issues. It's also a good idea to get as many of the recommended meds for it that you possibly can, because it's probably going to suck without them.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Hey, just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Have you made any decisions?

I actually didn't I'm considering getting back into music since I have a few artists that inspire me.

I'm sorry recovery didn't work out for you. I gave up on that idea for myself a long time ago when I was still trying, but realized I just wasn't feeling it. I never even mentioned SaSu to my last therapist, and I don't see the need to find another one.

If you're certain that SN is right for you, then hopefully you get it without any issues. It's also a good idea to get as many of the recommended meds for it that you possibly can, because it's probably going to suck without them.

I was planning to buy from IC although looks like I'm going to find another source, I'm considering RCs as well although SN is just far easier to plan out with the super helpful guides on here.

I'll probably just get my SN and meto then start going for the RCs since RCs seem like a far better option for CTBing. I do have a source for SN although I'm going to get a job then look into it etc.