hoppybunny
Fearer of the Future
- Jun 26, 2024
- 289
I'm not mentally capable of cutting them off but I need to mentally prepare myself to leave my parents.
They make me so unhappy and don't care about anyone but themselves. Just today they told me all my problems are my fault and that i'm choosing to be upset and that they've never done anything wrong. I can't be around them anymore. I really was considering shooting myself tomorrow.
Just head over to the range near my house, buy a gun and blow my head open but the more i thought about the more upset i got. Why should i die?!?!? why should i kill myself because they aren't happy with the way I am. THat's not my problem. I shouldn't kill myself just because they make me miserable.
especially since i'm scared of hell.
So i decided to slowly prepare myself to move out. This monday I'm moving my things to a storage unit. I'll do it little by little. monday's and wednesdays when my parents aren't home and i'm hoping i can move everything in 1 month. till my room is empty.
I can't live like this anymore> the only reason i've been procastinating on doing this is because i'm scared that i will be th unlucky bastard that has their unit catch on or get robbed for the first time in 10 years or something. It scares me so much
My parents act like they're doing this because they care about me but in reallity they only care about themselves and their image. That's why they get mad at me for simply being unhappy and they don't care what's causing it.
They just assume i'm hating them for no reason out of spite and choosing to be unhappy. THey always yell at me and pretend they actually care what i have to say but in reality, they just want to argue with any point i make.
they torment me daily, making fun of me, insulting me, and on days they're particularly upset they hit me. I can't take it anymore.
I'm a grown ass adult. I shouldn't have to ask to leave the house, or to buy food or see my friends.
I've never dated or had any outside hobbies or tried to experiment with my looks or style because of them and their stupid obsession with their image.
i shouldn't be getting yelled at and being forced to do hairstyles my mum wants at 23 fucking years old.
literally and i can't even explain properly how they harass and bully me because it makes no sense unless you live with them.
they assume that me not wanting to wear dresses or style my hair certain ways means i'm being a social justice warrior and can't wrap their heads around the fact that i simply just don't like dressing like "a woman" and that i can do whatever the hell i want.
THey yell at me for being fat and say they're not telling me to starve myself but they won't let me eat anything they think is unhealthy like bread and yell at me for eating rice or our native food. But then the only food we have at home is rice and bread and our native food. the only thing they want me to eat is vegetables and fruit. but then i get yelled at if i eat too much fruit. i've been yelled at for eating too many eggs too. the only time they don't yell at me about food is when i'm not eating. I'm always hungry everyday, even when i'm full. I keep binge eating when they're not arround because i keep feeling like i will get yelled at.
when i try to eat healthy they yell at me and claim that it's not working if i don't lose weight fast enough. My dad even took some of my food and ate it without asking just to tell me i shouldn't be eating because it tastes good and if it tastes good it's not healthy
they critisize how i exercise and say anyway i enjoy esxercising doesn't work and is unladylike.
I don't have any passions in life because the only thing i wanted was to make them happy, so when i went to engineering school and realised i hated it, i tried to push through and struggled a lot and instead of them to support me they would yell at me daily and claim that i was wasting their money and threaten to make me take out loans and refuse to pay. They would blame my attempts to make friends and my art as the reasons for me failing and would constantly harass me to stop.
i eventually had to drop out and switch to a school that covered my tuition for computer science cause i felt it was the fastest way to get a job out of college and move out only for the tech market to pull a complete 180 by the time i graduated and i've been stuck at home unemployed since then.
my mum decided to "help me" by getting me a job at her hospital that i hate and essentially i ended up taking the job from someone who would actually have been qualified and wanted the job. SHe's been yelling at me and getting mad at me for not being excited because of a job that paid less than my retail job while having more responsibilities and being in a field i hate.
i can't even move out with the money but i couldn't refuse cause i live with my parents and refusing would make my mum look bad.
it wasn't enough she forced me to work the job she's now forcing me to do a hairstyle i don't like but they keep insisting it's not forcing me and i'm free to refuse but when i refuse they yell at me telling me i'm being stupid and they don't understand why i can't be normal and why i keep fighting them. but when i say do what you want and don't refuse they yell at me for having a bad attittude.
it's not enough they control me they want me to pretend to be happy about it. I hate being around them so much.
but i'm too scared to just leave them. but not just that i hate that my options are stay and be abused by my parents or leave without a good job and be abused at a retail/fast food/warehouse job. It just feels so unfair. That's why i felt like my only option was to kill myself. Because i didn't want to suffer mentally at home nor did i want to suffere both physically and mentally outside either.
when i ask ppl that complain about their mindless desk jobs where they apperently finish all their work and pretend to be busy for the rest o fthe day what jobs they have they never tell me they just say stupid shit like trust me you don't want this job.
like yes tf i do. i do want to have enough money while doing mindless work. i don't want to be responsible for anything and i hate using my head. i just need to be able to empty my brain away from my parents.
i don't want to die cause i'm too scared but my life is so shitty i just want to kill myself. I wish there was proof that there's no life after death so i can empty my head out with a shotgun.
but since i don't know that i will settle for slowly distancing myself from my parents. I just wish my anxiety and paranoia would leave me alone and stop telling me that putting my things in storage will casue them all to burn down and that leaving my pranets will casue them to drop dead tomorrow and i'll regret not being their puppet for the rest of their lives.
They make me so unhappy and don't care about anyone but themselves. Just today they told me all my problems are my fault and that i'm choosing to be upset and that they've never done anything wrong. I can't be around them anymore. I really was considering shooting myself tomorrow.
Just head over to the range near my house, buy a gun and blow my head open but the more i thought about the more upset i got. Why should i die?!?!? why should i kill myself because they aren't happy with the way I am. THat's not my problem. I shouldn't kill myself just because they make me miserable.
especially since i'm scared of hell.
So i decided to slowly prepare myself to move out. This monday I'm moving my things to a storage unit. I'll do it little by little. monday's and wednesdays when my parents aren't home and i'm hoping i can move everything in 1 month. till my room is empty.
I can't live like this anymore> the only reason i've been procastinating on doing this is because i'm scared that i will be th unlucky bastard that has their unit catch on or get robbed for the first time in 10 years or something. It scares me so much
My parents act like they're doing this because they care about me but in reallity they only care about themselves and their image. That's why they get mad at me for simply being unhappy and they don't care what's causing it.
They just assume i'm hating them for no reason out of spite and choosing to be unhappy. THey always yell at me and pretend they actually care what i have to say but in reality, they just want to argue with any point i make.
they torment me daily, making fun of me, insulting me, and on days they're particularly upset they hit me. I can't take it anymore.
I'm a grown ass adult. I shouldn't have to ask to leave the house, or to buy food or see my friends.
I've never dated or had any outside hobbies or tried to experiment with my looks or style because of them and their stupid obsession with their image.
i shouldn't be getting yelled at and being forced to do hairstyles my mum wants at 23 fucking years old.
literally and i can't even explain properly how they harass and bully me because it makes no sense unless you live with them.
they assume that me not wanting to wear dresses or style my hair certain ways means i'm being a social justice warrior and can't wrap their heads around the fact that i simply just don't like dressing like "a woman" and that i can do whatever the hell i want.
THey yell at me for being fat and say they're not telling me to starve myself but they won't let me eat anything they think is unhealthy like bread and yell at me for eating rice or our native food. But then the only food we have at home is rice and bread and our native food. the only thing they want me to eat is vegetables and fruit. but then i get yelled at if i eat too much fruit. i've been yelled at for eating too many eggs too. the only time they don't yell at me about food is when i'm not eating. I'm always hungry everyday, even when i'm full. I keep binge eating when they're not arround because i keep feeling like i will get yelled at.
when i try to eat healthy they yell at me and claim that it's not working if i don't lose weight fast enough. My dad even took some of my food and ate it without asking just to tell me i shouldn't be eating because it tastes good and if it tastes good it's not healthy
they critisize how i exercise and say anyway i enjoy esxercising doesn't work and is unladylike.
I don't have any passions in life because the only thing i wanted was to make them happy, so when i went to engineering school and realised i hated it, i tried to push through and struggled a lot and instead of them to support me they would yell at me daily and claim that i was wasting their money and threaten to make me take out loans and refuse to pay. They would blame my attempts to make friends and my art as the reasons for me failing and would constantly harass me to stop.
i eventually had to drop out and switch to a school that covered my tuition for computer science cause i felt it was the fastest way to get a job out of college and move out only for the tech market to pull a complete 180 by the time i graduated and i've been stuck at home unemployed since then.
my mum decided to "help me" by getting me a job at her hospital that i hate and essentially i ended up taking the job from someone who would actually have been qualified and wanted the job. SHe's been yelling at me and getting mad at me for not being excited because of a job that paid less than my retail job while having more responsibilities and being in a field i hate.
i can't even move out with the money but i couldn't refuse cause i live with my parents and refusing would make my mum look bad.
it wasn't enough she forced me to work the job she's now forcing me to do a hairstyle i don't like but they keep insisting it's not forcing me and i'm free to refuse but when i refuse they yell at me telling me i'm being stupid and they don't understand why i can't be normal and why i keep fighting them. but when i say do what you want and don't refuse they yell at me for having a bad attittude.
it's not enough they control me they want me to pretend to be happy about it. I hate being around them so much.
but i'm too scared to just leave them. but not just that i hate that my options are stay and be abused by my parents or leave without a good job and be abused at a retail/fast food/warehouse job. It just feels so unfair. That's why i felt like my only option was to kill myself. Because i didn't want to suffer mentally at home nor did i want to suffere both physically and mentally outside either.
when i ask ppl that complain about their mindless desk jobs where they apperently finish all their work and pretend to be busy for the rest o fthe day what jobs they have they never tell me they just say stupid shit like trust me you don't want this job.
like yes tf i do. i do want to have enough money while doing mindless work. i don't want to be responsible for anything and i hate using my head. i just need to be able to empty my brain away from my parents.
i don't want to die cause i'm too scared but my life is so shitty i just want to kill myself. I wish there was proof that there's no life after death so i can empty my head out with a shotgun.
but since i don't know that i will settle for slowly distancing myself from my parents. I just wish my anxiety and paranoia would leave me alone and stop telling me that putting my things in storage will casue them all to burn down and that leaving my pranets will casue them to drop dead tomorrow and i'll regret not being their puppet for the rest of their lives.
